Bunk, Harter, and Mark Lee all have ticker symbols that correspond with their initials. A couple of years ago during a slow day at work I sent them snapshots of their companies. What you see below is me looking at a chart and then trying to justify the price movement based on the life of whichever Mark it matches up to. This is in no way investment advice and is purely for laughs (even if you don’t laugh).
– January 21st, 2013, The 2012 Year in Review:
- MFL (up 10.43%) – A good sign for the Marks if Mark Lee was the worst performer and was still up 10.43% ($14.58 to $16.10). Mark’s biggest movement (not in the bathroom) was a 3-day drop (again, not in the bathroom) in the middle of March. On the 13th, you could buy a share of Mark at $15.21, but by March 16th he was only worth $14.06. The rest of the year was ho-hum until December 6th, the day after the birth of his son, where he started a fall that didn’t bottom out until December 18th. He trended up to end the year, and to start 2013 he is up 2.19% to $16.78.
- MAB (up 10.49%) – Bunk just edged out Mark Lee for second place, gaining about a buck-fiddy from $14.39 to $15.90. Bunk’s year started out well, then flatlined around the time they find out Jaime was pregnant. That flatline ended in August, which I believe is when they started telling people, but that requires research. The high (so hiiiiiiigh) for Bunk was November 23rd, where he hit $17.99. Alas, he came down from that high in December to close out the year on a downer. Currently, Bunk is up 2.29% at $16.56, but analysts have not fully figured out the impact the birth of his daughter will have. Stay tuned.
- MDH (up 44.35%) – My man does not fuck around. Harter went from $2.30 to $3.32 last year, hitting his highest point on October 9th ($4.07) just days after his engagement to Molly. The market liked that match, apparently. Harter got most of his performance in the first half of the year, gaining almost $2 through to May 3rd. He hit a couple of troughs at the end of May and beginning of June, though he had a nice upswing from there. On November 8th, the wheels came off and he dropped from $3.86 to $3.12 on November 14th. With a further drop in December, I can’t say I wasn’t worried for the guy. Luckily he had a little jump to finish 2012. Congratulations – you may not have won the Moonti Cup this year, but at least you won something.
– March 1st, 2012:
- MAB – Last time we checked in, Bunk was leading the Marks for the year. Since that time, he fell 3% to $15.86 (from February 7th’s $16.35) and is now in second for the year, up 10.5%. I think it was investors blaming Bunk for Costa Rica falling through, we’ll see how he redeems himself this year.
- MFL – Mr. Lee, now 30, was up a whopping 0.09% since February 7th. That puts him at $15.28 and up 4.6% year-to-date. From February 10th to the 16th he fell to $14.83, close to his 2011 finish of $14.61, but was able to regain some composure. He has plenty of time to retain his crown from last year.
- MDH – The other Marks had a shitty time compared to Harter, whose 11.2% rise from February 7th has put him in the lead for the year. Harter has gona from $2.38 to end 2011 to his current $2.68. That’s 12.6% by my laptop’s calculator’s calculation. I’m sure you all remember clearly, but was at $2.41 in the last update.
– February 8th, 2012:
- MFL – Mark Lee is our worse performing Mark this year-to-date, however he is till up 3.77% and will forever hold the 2011 crown, so let the haters hate. My man’s turning 30, which means we get to find out if he’s like a running back. Investors will be watching. Mark Lee chugged along from $14.58 to $15.13 on February 7th.
- MDH – Harter just loves sitting in the middle of these two, up 4.78% for the start of the year. Not bad, but you know he should be getting a boost for hosting yet another victorious Super Bowl party. Harter stands at $2.41, up from $2.30.
- MAB – Bunk’s really pissed about his last place finish the prior year so he came out sprinting, jumping from $14.39 to $16.35 as of February 7th. We’ll keep watching you though, just ’cause your a shady shit.
– January 10th, 2012, The 2011 Year in Review:
- MAB (up 11.23%) – Bunk was our worst performing Mark for the year 2011 yet he was still up 11.23% so Harter and Mark Lee can rest easy. Bunk’s year did not start off well as he was down 40 cents in one week of trading (from $12.91 to $12.50), but ended up composing himself and not looking back. Two life events really were the spark Bunk needed. First it was the long-term contract he entered into in May that took him from $12.62 to $13.49 (that’s almost 7%). Then it was the winning in fake football that took him from $13.57 (after his last lost of the season) to his 2011 close of $14.36 (about 6%). Bunk has carried over that winning attitude into 2012, as he is up over the first week of trading.
- MDH (up 12.80%) – Harter, our non-married Mark (I was gonna call him a restricted free agent), finished 2nd in performance. While 12.8% seems inline with the others, Harter had the biggest swings (at Big Swing!) along the way. Most notable was his 99-cent rise to start the year (that’d be a 47% increase), then his horrendous August when he was down 27%, but he closed the year out on a 22% increase from that low point. Anyway, Harter continues to be the cheapest (2011 close of $2.38), though you better be able to stomach the roller coaster.
- MFL (up 14.32%) – Mark had a rough start to 2011, but only because he had a rough ending to 2010. From November 29th, 2010 to January 14th, 2011, Mark went from $13.61 to $11.83 (that’s down 13%). After that, Mark would look at you like that shit gravy, with a smooth rise for the rest of the year with one little bump in August. He, too, entered into a long-term contract a little after Bunk, but did not see the same type of spike that Bunk had, just a continuation of steadiness. You’d think someone missing the Moonti playoffs for his first time would have had a drop-off at the end of the year, but investors showed faith and made him our most profitable Mark in 2011.
– September 17th, 2011:
- MAB – Bunk has a had a solid lead up to his chirtieth birfday, rising from $13.40 and closing on September 16th at $13.80. Not sure what investors are seeing as all of his vacation days are spent with three months to go in the year, due to the fact that he has asshole friends that throw parties for themselves.
- MFL – When we last left Mark, he was sitting comfortably at $13.03. And then the next day he jumped off a cliff (not literally, dude is very much alive) and fell down to $12.39 in one day. Ouch. But like Beyonce, Mark is a survivor (but not pregnant) and came right back up in two days to $13.19 and then rose to $13.73 to be right at Bunk’s heels.
- MDH – Harter drew a straight line down to $2.01 from $2.60 over a two-day span, but like Mark Lee above, he did not quit and kept on keepin’ on. He closed on $2.36 on September 16th, saving himself some embarrassment from his earlier drop. After being up as much as 40% this year, Harter is now only up around 12%. Tread lightly, Harter.
– August 7th, 2011:
- MDH – Harter had a fun ride, spiking at $2.94 on July 21st, but like the rest of the world he came crashing down. He closed August 5th at $2.60, a twenty-seven cent drop from his previous $2.87 close on July 7th. On the plus side, Harter is still on the plus side for the year after opening at $2.16 on January 3rd.
- MAB – Bunk dropped twenty-nine cents since his July 7th close of $13.69, leaving him at $13.40 for you math-hating assholes. I would say this is because he still calls his wife his girlfriend, but then the world got itself into the shitter, so we’ll go with “market movement”. Bunk is also still positive for the year, when he opened at $13.03.
- MFL – Could introducing Blake to Hey Tell have a positive effect on his stock? No. He went from $13.58 down to $13.03, the biggest drop of all the Marks. I’m not saying the move to Chatham has anything to do with it. OK, I said it, so what? Mark is also up for the year, he opened at $12.75, proving once again it never hurts to put your money with the Marks.
– July 7th, 2011:
- MFL – Mr. Lee, the second Mark to wed, made like rolling hills as he worked his stock up to $13.58, from $13.25 on June 12th. Investors gave Mark a little scare on the three trading days after his marriage, especially on the 27th when he dropped almost twenty cents. Still, he continues his steady climb that started back in April.
- MAB – Bunk had a terrible July 5th, so I’m going to go ahead and assume he had a terrible July 4th. Surprisingly, he stayed positive during this time period and closed on July 7th at $13.69, up from his June 12th $13.31.
- MDH – After deciding Harter was at his peak at Mark Lee’s wedding, investors came in on Monday selling. Seriously, you couldn’t beat the best man’s speech (at least I know I didn’t), yet Harter dropped twelve cents on the 27th, then another five cents on Tuesday. He closed July 7th at $2.87, down from his June 12th $2.94.
– June 12th, 2011:
- MDH – Harter was relatively flat over the last thirty days, closing at $2.94, down ten cents from the last time I posted an update. I’m lucky I don’t have a stock tied to my name, my shit would be bankrupt after my poor performance this past month. Seems like investors are just biding time for now with Harter.
- MAB – Bunk became Mr. Bunker and so far investors don’t give a shit. In fact, he started slipping directly after the wedding, then popped up to $13.49 on June 2nd. Of course, investors realized Bunk was coming to Mark Lee’s bachelor party weekend and sold accordingly. Bunk now stands at $13.31, seven cents more than when he was just a fiancé.
- MFL – Mark Lee is down since the last time we checked in. Investors sold him in the lead up to his bachelor party, but when they came back on Monday and found out that Mark Lee was reviving the “Enough is Enough” campaign and running for mayor of Hoboken, well, how could they not bid him up? He hit $13.39 before investors sobered up and he fell to $13.25, down seventeen cents since last month.
– May 15th, 2011:
- MFL – Mark Lee keeps his rally going as he rose to $13.42, up from April’s close of $13. Just a nice, steady rise from Mr. Lee. Much like his penis.
- MDH – Harter also kept rising since his April close of $2.85, closing at $3.04 on May 13th. This is a good jump for Harter since his recent bottom of $2.63 on April 27th.
- MAB – The last update for Bunk as a single man, but investors are liking the announced partnership. Bunk has gone from $12.59 on April 29th to $13.24 on May 13th. We’ll see if investors follow the old adage of “buy on the rumor, sell on the news”.
– May 2nd, 2011:
- MDH – Harter was at his highest on 4/20. (Ugh, that’d be funnier if this were high school.) He did hit a two-week high of $2.92 on April 20th, then came down to $2.63 on the 27th. He finished the month at an easy $2.85.
- MFL – The turnaround that started on April 13th continued, as Mark Lee finish April at $13. Coincidence?? Yes. Get excited for the summer, Mr. Lee. Investors are.
- MAB – Not sure what to make of Bunk’s chart, as he just kinda moved along. He closed out April at $12.59, down from his April 15th close of $12.62.
– April 17th, 2011:
- MDH – Harter had a much needed rise from $2.54 on March 31st to close at $2.70 on April 15th. This puts a stop to his slow death that started in mid-February, but he’s been known to give us false starts and stops before, so don’t get your hopes up that this signifies his turn around (every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming around).
- MAB – It’s been a steady decline for Bunk since March 8th’s $13.48 close and as of April 15th he’s looking at $12.62. He hasn’t been this low since the beginning of the year when he hit $12.50, and I’m no technician in this motherfucker, but his chart is not looking so hot. Perhaps some titties and steak will do a body good.
- MFL – Not one to be different, Mark Lee is also on a fall that could use some help. He gave us a fake out on April 1st and shot up 30 cents to $13.10, but he closed on April 15th at $12.55, from $12.85. Gain 30 cents then fall 60 cents. Yeah, I was really hoping I could get a Fifty Cent reference in there somewhere (minus there).
– April 1st, 2011:
- MFL – Mark Lee had a solid gain from March 11th to March 28th when he went from $12.50 to a high of $13.08, then investors remembered that GiGi (GeeGee? GG? G-G? Jee Jee?) will soon be coming to take her condo back. That’s why he closed the month at $12.85, which is up from his March 4th close of $12.61, but clearly down from his high (stoner).
- MDH – Harter had a slow month, just moving from $2.67 down to $2.54, but of course he had to have some fun between those days. It’s not just Molly that loves Harter on payday, investors also showed him love by bumping him up from $2.55 to $2.75 on March 15th. Alas, he couldn’t hang on and started his decline the next day.
- MAB – Bunk gradually declined from his March 4th close of $13.50 down to $12.66 to finish March like a slaughtered lamb. He did go six days were he stayed within three cents of $13, so that was really exciting. Or not. Very not. Anyway, Bunk looks to start rebounding in April, we hope.
– March 8th, 2011:
- MAB – Bunk showed some life after I was fearing for his, he ended up fifty-one cents to $13.50. It’s hard to keep tabs on the man down in Whorelando, Florida, but I do know the wedding plans are going swimmingly as Bunk chips in at every turn. Is Jaime shaking her head? She is, isn’t she?
- MFL – Mark Lee was coasting along until February 22nd when he dropped twenty cents out of nowhere, hitting a low of $12.43. But like I said last time, Mark Lee is a BOSS and bosses live to fight another day. He closed out at $12.61, two cents off his previous $12.63.
- MDH – I should have known investors would bail on Harter leading up to St. Paddy’s in The Boken. The man had a gradual decline from $2.90 to $2.67 over the past couple of weeks. While Mark Lee was crying on February 22nd, Harter jumped up to $3.08, laughing at Mark’s misfortune. But he who laughs last must be slow on getting the joke.
– February 14th, 2011:
- MFL – Can you say “momentum play”? Of course you can. This BOSS keeps on trucking on the upside, starting at $12.50 and closing at $12.63. Investors knew that the initial downswing to start the year ($12.60 to $11.83) was just another buying opportunity in the life of Mark Lee.
- MAB – If I’m a doctor looking at Bunk’s chart, I’d say he died. First he flat-lined from his $13.21 start, had a blip to $13.29 that was followed by a sink to $13.14, only to be followed by yet another blip, this time to $13.31, then a crash to $12.99 to close the two-week period. Bunk: You were a great friend, and you will be truly missed. Do I get the beach house?
- MDH – Harter is back to his roller-coaster ways. Even though he finished down only three cents, he could have been up twenty cents when he hit $3.10 on February 9th. Two days later he’s at $2.90, down from the initial $2.93, wondering a-wha-happen’? Life, man. Life happened.
– February 1st, 2011:
- MDH – Harter continues his tear, moving from $2.69 to close out at $2.93 on the 28th. Typically Harter has some ups and downs, even during strong weeks, but the start of this year has been pretty much all up days for the last Mark standing in Hoboken. So far he has an early (and boy is it early) lead for back-to-back yearly performance, let’s hope he doesn’t falter.
- MAB – Bunk had a two-week period that is usually reserved for Harter. In a three day span he went up 25 cents, then down 40 cents then right back up 45 cents to close at $13.21, up from his previous $12.50. I thought this year was all about settling down for Bunk? Guess he still has some growing to do.
- MFL – Someone is looking to turn this fucker around. After being on the downswing for months, Mark starts making the push as he went from $11.92 to $12.50, putting him right back to his 2010 closing price. Heading into his birthday month, he better start putting some solid weeks together to keep this momentum going.
– January 18th, 2011:
- MDH – After losing his first (and second) beer pong game of 2011, Harter is actually on a tear this year. He started at $2.16 and closed on Friday at $2.69, taking his momentum from last year and running with it. Still the only Mark not to be engaged, but at least he’s making money for his investors.
- MFL – Mark Lee, on the other hand, has started this year off dropping from $12.75 to $11.92, not what we’re expecting out of this Mark. Maybe it’s the saving up? Maybe it’s living at Gigi’s with no DVR? Either way, Mark better do some soul searching and end this skid he’s on and get BOSS’D UP already.
- MAB – Like Mr. Lee above, Bunk can’t stop his slide. He started at $13.03 and he now stands at $12.50, continuing his downward trend from 2010. Bunk needs to get back to what worked best, even if that means convincing the other two Marks that they should live together again. Or maybe just visit Mako’s.
– 2010 Year End:
- MAB – Bunk comes in at last place this year (he also finished last between the Marks in the Moonti league) falling 14.86% in 2010. This Mark opened the year at $15.20, went sideways for most of the year until November 8th when he hit $15.22, then that was it. He couldn’t stop the year-end slide and closed the year at $12.94
- MFL – Mark was relatively flat for the year, opening at $13 in 2010 and closing at $12.78, a drop off of 1.69%. Mark must have been on the same cycle as Bunk, as he also did nothing but drop since November 8th’s $14.24. Here’s hoping a marriage in 2011 brings him back up. Wait, Bunk’s getting married too… you guys are on the same cycle. And by “same cycle” I’m making a menstrual joke. I’m implying you both have vaginas that bleed at the same time. (Sorry mom).
- MDH – Harter, the most volatile Mark, knows how to fucking close out a year. No November 8th slide for this guy, just a Moonti championship and a financial crown as well as Harter opened 2010 at $2.04 and closed out at $2.11. It isn’t much, but those seven cents equals a gain 3.43%. Of course, Harter could have balled out since he was up over 100% on April 30th at $4.88, but whatever. A win’s a win.
– December 27th, 2010:
- MDH – Harter was slightly up from $2.23 to $2.29 this time period, the direction he should be heading into for Moonti Championship weekend. I already helped him as much as I could by giving him Jason Witten earlier this year, so you’re welcome, Harter. The rest is up to your vaunted defense.
- MFL – The other half of the Moonti Cup was down from $12.59 to $12.30, which we can only blame on having the puppy killer lead his fantasy football team to glory. Mark is going to have to root for a big performance from the dog murderer to be crowned champion. But hey, that’s fantasy football for you: you root for players you hate.
- MAB – Bunk has been on a vicious slump since November 11th’s $14.69. He now stands at $12.99, down for this period from $13.67, and I got to admit I’m a little worried. He did get stuck in China for a day (or more? You there, Bunk?), and the last time he spoke he was asking us what he gets in return for Jaime forgetting his middle name. (For the record, Bunk, Penny says “Oh… well… no, I don’t want to say what he’s owed.”)
– December 12th, 2010:
- MAB – Bunk was slightly down these past two weeks, starting at $14.03 and closing at $13.67. Fitting since his Moonti season is over and he didn’t make the playoffs. Also, he put up his worst win total since the inception of the league. But hey, some things are more important than fake football. Right, Bunk?
- MDH – Harter was up for the time period, starting at $2.29 and closing at $2.32, but between those two numbers was a fun ride from $2.24 to $2.44 in one day, with a soft slide back down to $2.32 in two days. Although Harter is up from his June 30th low of $1.75, he hasn’t made it easy on investors with his volatility. Or his stealing cigarettes.
- MFL – It was a steady fall for Mark from $13.65 to $12.59, and being “thanksful” for Michael Vick certainly did not help. Well, it didn’t help making friends in life, but it certainly helped him secure a playoff birth. Mark’s actually having a tough close to the year, falling from $14.32 on November 2nd, to his current $12.59 price. Last time it was this rough he bounced back after a night at Makos. And really, you shouldn’t ask what Mako’s is, you should already know:
– November 30th, 2010:
- MFL – A steady rise from $12.61 to close out the two-week period at $13.61. A solid $1 gain for a guy who usually deals in cents. Fantasy playoffs are approaching, so he has to like the recent movement of his stock here.
- MDH – Harter dropped two cents this time period, from $2.41 to $2.39. He doesn’t quite have first place sewn up in the Moonti league (he needs to get by yours truly), but he does have the best record. I’m hoping he pulls a Colts and rests his starters. My dad wanted me to ask him to start Chatham’s QB and RB. So, um, Harter, can you?
- MAB – A visit back to C-Town couldn’t stop Bunk’s slide from $14.60 to $14.03. He spent 5 trading days below $14, but snapped out of it on Friday, so maybe it was the visit that helped. Is it bad that I almost called him and Jaime “Junk”, ya know, because that’s what Jaime and Bunk would equal, if we were to give them a Bennifer moniker. I’ll stop now. Baime it is. I’ll stop now, now.
– November 16th, 2010:
- MFL – Mark had a spark to start this period off, climbing to $14.23 on November 3rd, hung there for a day, then decided to slide on down to $13.32 to close out. (I had to peek ahead to this current week, which is not included in this analysis, but worth noting that he was down on Monday, but investors bought him the fuck up today after Mike “Puppy Killer” Vick’s Monday Night performance for CHUCKYSCHILD.)
- MDH – The summary of Harter is that he opened at $2.48 and he closed at $2.51. The story of Harter is that he eased to $2.44, bounced up to $2.53, held, made a “V” with a $2.52-$2.43-$2.51 out of Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday, then ended right there at $2.51.
- MAB – While each Mark had a couple days of flat-lining, none had a longer run then Bunk. He stayed at $15.23 from October 29th to November 5th. He then “moved” down a penny the next day, only to collapse to $14.69, then, of course, held that price for two days to close out the week. A very stubborn Bunk, if I may say so myself.
– November 1st, 2010:
- MDH – A nice little 21 cent gain for Harter these past two weeks, with a solid 17 cent rise the two days leading up to Cutchogue Couples Retreat plus Blake, Woo, and Buchi (I’m counting ERK! and Finn as a couple). Harter finished at $2.48 (from $2.27). I’m not saying these charts are actually tied to these guys, but during the week leading up to our fantasy football draft, Harter went from $1.93 to $2.48, where he stands today. He’s now 7-1 and the only down week for MDH was the week prior to his only lost. Worth mentioning.
- MFL – Down 3 cents from $14.21 to $14.18. He got up to $14.31 on the 25th, but couldn’t hang and slipped down to close the period. Interestingly enough, he was down the two days prior to said CCR+BWB (lame?). He actually won in the Moonti league, so there goes any direct correlation.
- MAB – Bunk had an interesting two weeks here. He went from $15.24 down to $14.84 in two days, stayed there for five days, then shot up to $15.18 in one day. That day was the 28th, but we didn’t hear about the beach house until the 30th. Was it the 28th, Bunk? Anyway, he closed at $15.23. I’m going to say it’s because he finally got around to doing the bubble thing (see banner).
– October 18th, 2010:
- MFL – Mark Lee opened the week at his parents’ house and closed this time period at his grandmother’s condo. How do you think his stock did? He was at $14.63 on Chandler, but closed at $14.28 while moving Sharon and himself in to the aforementioned condo. Mark had already announced the cost cutting maneuver, but still investors are sitting on the sidelines awaiting more positive news.
- MAB – Bunk was slightly down these past two weeks, mainly from his two day slide on October 4th and 5th. The rest of the time was spent playing catch up and ogling his Moonti team. The ogling did not pay off, however, as More Bang For Your Bunk came out flat, even worse than his chart suggests. He opened at $15.30 and closed this past week at $15.14, then lost to Harter by 32 fake football points.
- MDH – Harter had a nice pattern of one up day, two down days, then repeat for this time period, causing him to finish down 32 cents to $2.27 (from $2.59). It looks like a fun chart with jumps along the way. Investors, while impressed with his undefeated performance in fake football, are not buying the long-term prospects of It’s a Harter Knock Life. I mean, come on, there has to be a reason he’s hitting everyone for trades. (I’ve tried reverse jinxing him and that didn’t work, so just a full on attack should be good.)
– October 2nd, 2010:
- MFL – Congrats to the worst performing Mark this period as he went from $14.84 on the 20th to close out last week at $14.65. He started off low and kinda stayed low with a couple small itty-bitty-titty-committee-esque bumps along the way.
- MAB – Bunk had a tough time, dropping from $15.20 on September 20th to $15.06 on the 29th. He bounced back up the next day from his low and ended the two-week period at $15.16. Since he kicked my ass in the Moonti league, he’ll be happy to know that he was up $0.14 to $15.30 on Monday.
- MDH – While his chart wasn’t flat, Harter pretty much was since he only went up 1 cent from $2.58 to $2.59. He got as low as $2.46 and as high as $2.60, giving him an increase of 10 cents for the month of September. Way to go, I guess.
– September 20th, 2010:
- MAB – Bunk had a sweet flat-line at $15 from September 9th to September 15th, broke out of it on the 16th to hit $15.37, but couldn’t keep that momentum heading into his bday weekend, closing at $15.20. And since I’m writing this as a I keep an eye on the Moonti league, I’ll give you a spoiler and tell you Bunk gained 9 cents on Monday, investors are liking what he did this weekend. (And I’m not talking about taking a dump while watching Redzone… OK, maybe I am.)
- MDH – Harter’s taking a breather, it seems, after his earlier collapse this year from $3.78 on April 29th to $1.75 on June 29th, and just rode out a flat $2.50 for most of the week, closing at $2.47, which was higher than his $2.45 on September 3rd.
- MFL – Mark Lee was the best performer (barely) these past two weeks by opening up at $14.66, taking most of the time to get down to $14.61, then bouncing right back up to close at $14.78. He starts his life anew in C-Town, and with a Moonti W, this week. So far, so good.
– September 6th, 2010:
- MFL – The only Mark to be down this period, and considering this was the lead up to the Moonti Fantasy Football Draft, I’d say investors don’t think he set himself up for fantasy success. Perhaps they think the wedding planning and the move to C-Town “for a bit” will soak up too much of his time. He continued his slide down from the previous period, hitting $14.52 on August 26th, crawled up to $14.71 on the 30th, but ended down at $14.66, which is below his August 22nd close of $14.75.
- MAB – One of the few times when Bunk shows us his roller-coaster abilities. Dude shot up to $15.43 on August 27th (from $15.07 on the 22nd), came right back down to $15.05 on the 31st, but closed out after a slight rise to $15.30. Bunk’s also got the wedding planning stuff going on, and I think investors need a little more time to decide how it will affect him.
- MDH – My man dropped 16% (and if I wanted to be a dick and round up, 17%) in 3 days then said “fuck you, and uh, fuck her too” and went up to $2.44 (that’s 26%, and I’m not rounding up), looked around and thought it was good up thurr and “stamped it” at $2.45.
– August 22nd, 2010
- MDH – Harter started off heading down to $2.04 on August 12th, but then bounced up to finish off the previous two week period at $2.31, up from his previous period’s close of $2.19. It was a steady climb, and the kind of climb that can lead to something great if he keeps this momentum going. The Moonti Fantasy Football Draft is looming, and it’s looming large, Harter.
- MFL – Well something woke up Mark Lee, and I’m just gonna go ahead and assume it was the strap-on scene from the Real L Word as well as the thought of going to Dinah Shore for his bachelor party (we’re just filming a documentary, ladies). After closing last period at $14.55, he dipped down to $14.48 and then rocketed up in one day to $14.73 and closed the week at $14.75. Keep on keeping on, Mark, since last season’s Moonti debacle still hangs heavy over your head.
- MAB – Bunk was all about the fake out these last two weeks with a jump up to $15.17 on August 10th, then a dip down to $15.04, and a close of $15.07, one cent below his August 6th close of $15.08. Besides not liking jokes about me sending him a severed head, Bunk apparently does not like success.
– August 8th, 2010
- MFL – Investors liked the engagement party and finally started to move Mark’s stock higher, from $14.21 to a $14.55 close, after several weeks of stagnation. Mark only failed in my eyes by not alerting me sooner to the aforementioned strap-on scene, but he was having his best two days after the airing of that episode, so that shows what I know.
- MAB – Bunk got engaged this week, but his stock wavered more than he did dropping down to $14.48 on July 29th (from his prior two-week close of $14.83) then rising to close this period at $15.08. My assumption is he bought the ring on the 29th and certainty returned to the MAB stock. Congratulations Bunk and Jaime, and Olive and Austin, as well.
- MDH – Harter had a rough past two weeks as he slid from $2.49 to $2.19. I thought I was the ass at Mark Lee’s engagement party, but coming out of that weekend Harter had his biggest drop. It’s OK, Harter, since you have 166 friends on Facebook and that means your reputation capital is worth more than mine (however you are poor compared to Lee: 294 and Bunk: 224). Although, I’m not saying, but I’m saying, you are now the last man standing, and as the two entries above show, investors like an engaged man. (And that would be totally cool of you to get engaged solely for the purpose of rising a stock that has no attachment to you whatsoever.)
– July 23rd, 2010
- MAB – A bit of a down period here for the Bunkman, dropping to $14.83 from $15.27. The best news, even better than his ass coming back to NYC/C-Town for another weekend, is that Bunk pays a dividend. Buy a share and Bunk will kick you 0.47% of the stock back to you. He paid out $0.07 on July 21st.
- MDH – Harter was looking at a down period until he keeps “doing what he doing” (thanks Floyd Mayweather, Sr.) and bounced back on the later part of this week. He had touched $2.16, then three straight days and my man finishes at $2.49. Investors are excited for the opportunities at his “company thing at the Yankee game” Friday night.
- MFL – Dude, seriously? You’re gonna open at $14.21 on July 12th and close at $14.21 on July 23rd? This isn’t the first time you pulled this flat shit, and quite frankly, I don’t know how to take this. My boy all grown up and stable? Look, when the you have the press conference to announce the move of CHUCKYSCHILD (that’s how you have it, that’s how I write it) headquarters out to Jets’ territory, at least let me get the exclusive? We can so do a “The Decision”. I can easily be a bigger douche than Jim Gray.
– July 11th, 2010
- MFL – Mark dropped seven cents after he stood me up at the bowling alley, but once investors realized him standing me up was already baked into the stock he rose to close out this week at $14.20 (up from $13.87). He was the only Mark to be flat on the day of the LeBacle, which should have been the major sign that LePussy wasn’t going to the Nets. (That and the signing of Travis Outlaw, because clearly those two superstars couldn’t coexist.)
- MDH – Harter stayed flat on the 28th and 29th of June, holding steady at $1.75 only to shoot up to $1.95 in a day, then from there to $2.44 on the 8th of July (again, the LeBacle). Investors came into work on Friday depressed and with the realization that Harter doesn’t really care much for the NBA, sending him down to $2.19. It could have been worse, but once again Harter Knock Life gets a top four pick in the Moonti Draft.
- MAB – Bunk had a nice rise while staying in NYC this week, moving from $14.92 on July 2nd up to $15.44 on the 8th. Then he got a shitty draft position in the Moonti Lottery so investors trimmed him down to $15.37 to end the week. Also, not having the courtesy to flush before leaving someone’s apartment didn’t help.
– June 27th, 2010
- MDH – Harter had a great start to this time period on June 14th by going up $0.30 to $2.89 that day, but then it was a slow beat down the next two weeks to close him out at $2.04. I think as the week wore on investors caught on to his “no, it’s cool, I’ll go to a bar to watch the US pitch at 2, then totally be able to go to a bbq in Rochelle Park that same night.” Must have been an exciting Saturday night for Harter.
- MAB – Bunk was quiet until June 22nd when he also moved up $0.30 to $14.67, but unlike Harter he was able to build on this and close at $14.88. He’s now back where he was on June 4th. In fact ever since he told Harter and I that he’d be visiting in July, his stock has done nothing but go up. (I’m not saying, but I’m saying, Bunk.)
- MFL – Hey I know, maybe I’ll tell Mark Lee that I’m totally going to write his financial update then just not. You know, like how he stood me up on bowling night? For a WEEK he told me he was pumped to go bowling. And what happens Friday night? Blake’s at the bowling alley by himself telling the manager “no, no he’ll be here soon” when asked if I was going to be bowling by myself all night. Anyway, he was flat for the two weeks: opened at $13.87, closed at $13.87. Stuff happen between that, but my heart is too broken to care.
– June 13th, 2010
- MAB – Bunk had a nice rise up to last weekend, but must have woken up hungover on Monday with a decrease from $14.90 to $14.48 (hey, 3% is a big move for this guy). It was then a slow crawl up through the week to close out at $14.57 (down from $14.64 two weeks ago).
- MDH – I think Harter was seriously trying to build a ramp these past two weeks. He went sloping down from $3.10 to $2.23 over seven trading days, then bent right up to $2.68 in just two. I had to do a screen grab to ensure you could see it:
It’s like he’s sick of me calling him a roller coaster and was just like “fuck you, Blake, how’s this look?”
- MFL – Mark woke up around June 3rd and took off from $13.69 to $13.96 over 4 days. He was once again the best performing Mark, but he still can’t convince Sharon to dress like Rihanna (I think she was another small shot of Jack away, personally). I’m just excited to be using Muralo paint, eventually at least.
– May 31st, 2010
- MFL – Draw as straight a line as you can across an unlined piece of paper. That’s what Mark Lee’s chart looks like these past two (four?) weeks. He started at $13.70 and closed at $13.73, the only Mark to make us some money these past two weeks.
- MDH – Hey, let’s go for another roller coaster for two weeks. Why not? Start at $3.49, plummet down to $2.95 on May 20th, ride back up to $3.39 and add in a short little drop to end the period at $3.10. Harter, it seems like investors are just unsure if you’ll be following Greece. Not with the debt crisis, but with the rioting. I could see Harter rioting by himself in Hoboken.
- MAB – Bunk’s on shaky ground here with a slight decline over this investment period. He came in at $15.24, dipped baby dipped down to $14.46 on May 25th, then closed out at $14.635. That nice little pop a couple Fridays ago is just a thing of the past. And past performance is no guarantee of future returns.
I decided to be nice and post (terribly) a chart of the Marks’ performance over the past 5 years. Harter is in the biggest hole, but Bunk and Mark Lee are pretty much even. (I’m too nice, otherwise I would have put the S&P 500′s performance in here.)
– May 16th, 2010
- MDH – Harter took us on a nice little roller coaster dropping from $3.70 down to $3.26 on May 6th, then a little recovery for a few days to end on a down note at $3.38. No, it’s totally cool to go to New Orleans, see Trombone Shorty, go to the JazzFest, and then not tell Blake about it at all.
- MAB – Something happened to Bunk on Friday, but I haven’t heard any news yet. He was having a down two weeks going from $14.84 to $14.57 and then Friday hit and he closed out at $15.06. Not a bad 3.4% move in one day for the steady Bunk.
- MFL – I was excited to see Mark’s chart this week because I really wanted to know what investors thought about the engagement. I guess that was already baked into his stock as he had a ho-hum two weeks going from $13.73 to $13.74. He did have a dip on May 7th to $13.61, but other than that he was as fun as watching paint dry. Obviously not Muralo paint, which is the best paint to ever watch dry ever. Ever.
– May 2nd, 2010
- MDH – Who goes to the New Orleans Jazz festival and doesn’t tweet at all about it?? Very disappointed in Harter, who has yet to tweet anyway, and investors agreed with me as he shot up on Thursday (the day he arrived in NOLA) but slid down to end the week. He started these last two weeks at $3.20 and ended at $3.72 to continue his steady climb this year.
- MAB – Bunk also went to the Jazzfest, but he isn’t on Twitter, so investors were happy to see him leaving his Orlando shell for the weekend. He was flat from April 21st to April 23rd at $14.40, but gained 46 cents to close this week at $14.86. Maybe Bunk is starting to turn around here.
- MFL – Mark Lee made the biggest decision of his life this weekend, and I can’t tell if investors knew on Friday or not. We’ll have to wait until Monday to see the market’s reaction to the hitching of Mark Lee and Sharon, but he hit his high on Wednesday and slid down both Thursday and Friday. The last two weeks started off well as he went from $13.66 to $13.87, but again he ended down from his high at $13.78. Oh, and congratulations Mark and Sharon.
– April 17th, 2010
- MFL – Mark had a nice steady rise going from April 5th to April 12th, then he started to bounce around like Mystikal in “Bouncin’ Back“. Entered this time period at $13.50, got as high as $13.79, then did his bouncin’ but sometimes you gotta get knocked down to GET UP! Mark eases into the weekend at $13.66.
- MAB – Bunk was going fine until April 8th, which we know as the Corporate Challenge at BB King’s, so investors must have been pissed when they found out A: Bunk wasn’t fighting and B: Bunk is in Orlando and unable to join the other two Marks for Harter’s berfday (though Bunk has admittedly disclosed this fact numerous times). On a longer scale, moving from $14.52 to $14.26 isn’t a big deal, especially since he closed at $14.45. But Bunk’s our under-performer and needs to step his game up.
- MDH – Harter’s still making moves as he went from $2.50 to close at $3.20 on Friday. Investors bought him up leading into his birthday, and then just kept going til he reached his high of $3.43 on April 14th. He came down to head into this weekend, but the best performing Mark continues to outperform.
– April 4th, 2010
- MDH – Harter entered in the year at $2.04 and ended the first quarter at $2.47, that’s a 21% gain. He got as high as $2.82 on January 15th, but rode a wave of booze down to his low of $1.81 on February 26th. Unlike his Rangers, he found a way out of the slump in time to finish best among the Marks. Harter’s always a risky move, though as we’ve seen this year he’s been the Mark to bet on.
- MFL – Mark Lee finished second this quarter by starting at $13 and ending at $13.50. Mark Lee’s worse day was February 22nd when he closed at $12.75, and if I recall that was at the height of the “Mark Lee might move to C-Town” hysteria. From there he got that dirt off his shoulder to end up 3.77%. We’ll see if slow and steady wins the race.
- MAB – I’m betting Bunk’s put two and two together to figure out he hasn’t diversified his bonds, nigga, and finished last this quarter. The question is, does he know how bad? -6.18% bad. Considering the S&P 500 is up around 3.6% and the other two Marks are outperforming, it’s not looking so good for the Bunkman. From a $15.20 start to a $14.26 end, he’s still the most expensive Mark, but doesn’t look like he can hold onto that title for long.
– March 22nd, 2010
- MAB – Two weeks ago Bunk was standing at $14.57, which was a month-long slide from $15.29. On Tuesday, March 9th, Bunk hit rock bottom. Look, it’s not my fault I pass along some rather racy links to Bunk, Jaime, so no need to take it out on him (come on, sexy maids? They aren’t even that sexy). Once investors saw that everything was A-OK on the home front, Bunk crawled up to end last week at $14.71.
- MDH – From $2.o5 suicide to $2.28 don’t-be-late (so lame, I know), Harter seems to be making moves. Those moves seem to be at Bunk’s expense since Harter hit his high of $2.34 on March 9th, the same day Bunk was hurting. Harter came down on the 11th, to $2.11 (coincidence?? no.), probably after losing in the finals for his hockey league. Maybe next game you can start the fight, Harter?
- MFL – Oh wow, Mark Lee was up $0.04 these last two weeks, moving from $13.20 to $13.24. It’s a pretty flat line he has going over those two weeks. That line would be for the year if it wasn’t for the one dip down to $12.75 on February 22nd. I think this talk of suburbs is having investors wait him out. When the hammer drops, we’ll see if they like it or not.
– March 5th, 2010
- MFL – We last left Mark Lee at $12.78 and he finished this week at $13.20, which was a nice little run-up to St. Patty’s Day in Hoboken. If you haven’t heard via word of mouth, (since Mark refuses to get with the times and promote via Facebook, Twitter, or Evite) Mark is having people tomorrow. Investors like it, unless I just sent them scrambling in the after-market. For the year, Mark is up 1.8% and is up about 30% for a 52-week period. Not bad.
- MAB – Started at $15.25 two weeks, is now down to $14.57, putting him down 4.14% for the year and up only 23% for a 52-week period. February 25th to March 3rd really did Bunk in, which was around the time he told me his one-year plan. Yeah, Bunk, investors looooove your idea.
- MDH – Harter came up from $1.82 to close at $2.05 today. This run only puts him up 0.985% year-to-date, but he’s up a whopping 72.65% over a 52-week period. Even more surprising to me is that he made the move from $1.80 to $2.05 in two days, the two days right before St. Patty’s Day in The ‘Boken. People must not know Harter like we do…
– February 19th, 2010
- MAB – We left Bunk at $15.05 two weeks ago and he’s risen… to $15.25. On the plus side, I think the Jaime stop-gap keeps him above $15 as he came close but never dipped below. Investors were a little annoyed that he didn’t submit a banner for the Update once a week like he said. Liar.
- MDH – If you listened to me and bought Harter at $2 then I apologize. Dude is sinking on a nice slope here the past two weeks. Maybe because his boss’s boss is getting the team on Twitter? I guess emails don’t work anymore? Also, that new territory of Jamaica, Queens probably doesn’t help. Harter just became a little bit more risky even at $1.87.
- MFL – Got as high as $13.17 but finished down at $12.78. Investors sold coming into the weekend knowing he had a dinner Friday night in the city, then most likely coming back in for ERK!’s band tonight. Usually his NYC visits create a rise, so if I was Mark Lee I’d be careful tonight in the city. Just saying.
– February 6th, 2010
- MAB – Rough week for Bunk as he got as high as $15.52 on Monday to come sloping down to $14.80 on Thursday. Friday he picked himself up and finished the week at $15.05. Bunk is definitely a Friday-type kind of guy. My guess for this week is that he had to interview people, and we all know Bunk can’t handle responsibility like that.
- MDH – Harter loves this $2 range but just can’t stay flat. He has to go up to $2.15 to come down to $1.91 to finish at exactly $2. I’d buy Harter for $2. Though I think his chart is as volatile as his Super Bowl Sunday decision. Go home. Stay in Hoboken. Hang with his Dad. Hang with the Palmas. It’s tough life, being a Mark.
- MFL – Mark Lee was cruising right along this week right up to the point when Blake heard rumors of a possible move to Chatham. Hence, Mark went from $13.13 on Thursday to $12.97 on Friday once he confirmed to Blake that he was “just looking.” A little back and forth email exchange and Blake’s not totally worried that he’ll lose this Mark to the ‘burbs, allowing Mark to close the week at $13.01.
– January 23rd, 2010
- MAB – Bunk started the year at $15.20 and closed out this week at $14.87. Investors were wary of the mustache he was growing and I think there was a rumor on January 21st that he had shaved it since there was heavy volume that day. Maybe he’ll get to hang with Ocho Cinco who’s in Orlando today. Here’s Bunk’s chart.
- MDH – Once again Harter shows how volatile he can be. While he is the cheapest Mark right now, investors are always in for a ride. He starts this year at $2.04 and ends this week at $2.47, getting as high as $2.82. You can see the sell-off since he told Blake he was going to ASU this weekend to visit his true love Cooker. Yeah, even Molly’s worried.
- MFL – Mark Lee attempts to rebound from his lackluster 2009, starting this year at $13, staying there for three trading days, popping up to $13.14, then flattening out to end the week at $13.05. We’re OK with this baby-step approach, and here’s to hoping Mark Lee is already researching football for the 2010 Moonti Season. Either that or getting Paints Plus to pay up. Here’s his boring chart.
– January 9th, 2010
The Year In Review:
- MFL – +41.749% 1-yr; -14.67% 5-yr – Mark took off right in the beginning of the year going from $8.90 on December 29th, 2008 to $10.78 on January 9th, 2009. He had a steady climb from early March like everyone else, and if you look at the chart you can see a huge spike in volume on July 29th, which was when we were finalizing plans for draft day. Mark didn’t hit a road block until October… the heart of the Moonti season and shareholders fled. Investors look to be showing patience now and probably see him as a good long term play. He flat-lined to end 2009 and is on a slight slide to start 2010.
- MAB – +46.154%; -8.43% – Bunk started the year at $10.40 and got as high (so hiii-iigh) as $13.95 on January 15th only to slam back to $10.60 on February 2nd. Just when he started to spike before March, Blake finalized plans to visit Orlando and down he went. Blake turned this into a trend in October when him, Harter, and Mark Lee visited Whorelando and once again Bunk slipped. Probably for dragging us and Jaime to Mako’s (ERK!ERK! ERRRK!). After a string of successful holidays, he’s shot up into 2010 and is following the group in a slow start this year.
- MDH – +60.221%; -79.58% – Those numbers are not typos. Fitting that the most volatile Mark leads us out of 2009. August was all Harter when he rose from $1.37 to $3.04 to end that month. He nearly gave it all back until he settled down in November, made sure he didn’t finish below Blake in the Moonti standings, and then got punched in the balls to close the year (literally) but not his stock as he finished 2009 at $2.01, which might be the exact time he got punched in the balls on New Year’s Eve.
– December 25th, 2009
- MFL – Looks like my every-other-week attempt to jinx Mark Lee has finally paid off. He hit $13.06 on December 12th, collapsed the next week then pulled himself up, got that dirt off his shoulder, and made a slight comeback to finish this shortened week. Perhaps investors think Mark is in for a good Christmas.
- MDH – Not following Mark Lee’s example, Harter started jumping up from a December 13th funk but check out the boost he got from going to the Giants/Eagles game two weekends ago. Not bad for a Droider.
- MAB – Something’s up with this guy and holidays. He had a run-up during Thanksgiving and now he has another one to close this Christmas week out. Even though he’s the only Mark to not contribute an idea to this site, it looks like he’ll finish the year strong. Maybe he knows something we don’t?
– December 11th, 2009
- MAB – aka Eaton Vance Insured Massachusetts Municipal Bond Fund – Bunk must have had a great lead into Thanksgiving, probably because he agreed to go to White Plains. Then he must have made a fool of himself in front of potential (future?) in-laws because he started sliding that weekend. This week’s been all stop and go as he tries to get back on the winning track.
- MDH – aka MHI Hospitality Corp. – Harter did something right on December 3rd. Maybe investors knew he wouldn’t be finishing second to last in the Moonti League? Maybe he’s finally putting that Droid to good use? Then investors woke up and realized it’s not an iPhone and he’s not making the playoffs.
- MFL – aka BlackRock MuniHoldings Insured Investment Fund – I continue to be amazed by this guy’s chart. Since November 13th he’s done nothing but go up… and up… His fantasy team sucks, his apartment building has a “pool in progress”, and … wait a minute. He went out to Brooklyn for a holiday party. Came into the city for the UConn/Kentucky game (a weekday!). Muralo must be out of the asbestos law suits. Sharon is finally getting a paycheck. As they say, the market is never wrong.