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Weekly Update.

– Boxing: Besides seeing a heavyweight boxer get glassed (yes, as the English say) by David Haye, not much has been going on. I do, however, recommend getting your hair brushed before hopping on the Adrien Broner bandwagon.

– “I’m here for the gangbang.”: Apparently the noise your girl makes when you please her in bed is really her calling out to, or inviting, other men (#3 in that link). So instead of her being all, “Oooo, Jon” she’s really all, “Oooo, Jon, while I’m giving you the first chance to impregnate me over the rest of the males, I still don’t trust your sperm enough to get the job done. So I figure I’m in the mood, might as well ensure we get a bun in the oven.” Bam. Orgy. Or at least that’s what some chimps and apes do. Toss in the scientists that see no evolutionary reason for the female orgasm, but do see humans as similar to chimps and apes, and you got the “bitches be whores, man” theory. (Cracked)

– Um, speaking of women: Bad transition? Well, women are more likely to delete friends on Facebook and less likely to notice their own weight gain.  (Discovery)

– Waterworld: It exists!  (PopSci)

– Lose weight like a fat, lazy shit: Eat dessert after breakfast and workout 20 minutes a day, three days a week.  (Gizmodo)

– “Boobieblog”: That’s a name of a real site (since 2005, no less). And here’s a link to it that features Playboy Bunnies showing their, yup, boobies. Just so:  (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

– Kidneys: What’s the argument against paying people to donate their kidneys? The available kidneys to kidney needer (so not the right word) ratio is fucking terrible. Who the hell wants to go get cut up and have an organ taken out and get nothing in return except a lollipop and some Vicodin? Anyway, it makes too much sense, to me, to get paid for a major operation where they take a part of you to give to someone else, so I figure I’m missing something. The only plausible response is you are worried about the morals? Of being paid to help people? No. People will abuse the system? By having both kidneys removed? Really? If you know the answer to this question, please add a comment below so I can ridicule it. Thanks!  (Carpe Diem)

– Bear Down: Or should I say, “bare” down. Ugh. Shitty jokes aside, here’s former Wildcat (FALSE: once a Wildcat, always a Wildcat) Natalie Gulbis getting naked (look closely):  (Voorhees)

– How the zebra got its stripes: According to a new theory, zebras’ stripes evolved because flies are less likely to bite striped animals than solid color animals. I never knew flies were racists.  (New Scientist)

– Stars: I was cleaning out links I had kept, but never used, for the site and came across the below shot. Not sure which friend had shared it on Google Reader (it was from the before time, when Reader didn’t suck donkey balls), so if they remember they can leave a comment below (which I won’t ridicule).  (Wooten? Broz? Alan?)

– Fartinnügen: I’ve said it so many times now, but the Japanese are weird and have been historically. Here is a “fart scroll“:  (The Daily What)

– NY Times: OK, what the fuck is up with this paper? $5 for a Sunday edition? No wonder newspaper companies have shitty revenues these days (adjusted for inflation, they are back to 1951 revenues). Also, in 1987 the NY Times wrote an editorial suggesting a minimum wage of $0, then this year the Times pleads for New York to raise its minimum wage. On the plus side, it makes for good kindling.  (Carpe Diem)

 – Dogs: Underwater:  (Wooten)

– Dogs: On the football field. In theory. Basically they breakdown the best breed for each position, as inspired by Best In Show:  (@mattufford)

– This actually happens: Tazer Ball. It’s like team handball with a beach ball and tazers:  (io9)

– Bug life: If you’re really worried about climate change and world hunger, then you should support the movement to eat more insects. Some design people tackle the “that looks like disgusting shit, fuck off,” problem people have with insects on their plate. They also explain how much better it would be for the planet if eating insects was acceptable, which basically boils down to less costs, less feed (a lot of our food feeds our … food), and less greenhouse gasses. (I wrote about eating insects last year.)  (Core77)

– Old shit, old shit, CHINA: Excuse the weak DJ Clue bit, but scientists found a forest that has been buried in volcanic ash for 298 million years. This Pompeii-like forest was found underneath a mine in China with trees intact, similar to when scientists found humans intact when they discovered Pompeii, except not as horrific to think about.  (Gizmodo)

– Mini horses: Since we love miniature horses here, why not show an Onion video featuring the lovely animal:  (The World’s Best Ever)

– The Marks’ Financial Update:

  • MAB – Last time we checked in, Bunk was leading the Marks for the year. Since that time, he fell 3% to $15.86 (from February 7th’s $16.35) and is now in second for the year, up 10.5%. I think it was investors blaming Bunk for Costa Rica falling through, we’ll see how he redeems himself this year.
  • MFL – Mr. Lee, now 30, was up a whopping 0.09% since February 7th. That puts him at $15.28 and up 4.6% year-to-date. From February 10th to the 16th he fell to $14.83, close to his 2011 finish of $14.61, but was able to regain some composure. He has plenty of time to retain his crown from last year.
  • MDH – The other Marks had a shitty time compared to Harter, whose 11.2% rise from February 7th has put him in the lead for the year. Harter has gona from $2.38 to end 2011 to his current $2.68. That’s 12.6% by my laptop’s calculator’s calculation. I’m sure you all remember clearly, but was at $2.41 in the last update.
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Weekly Update.

(CORRECTION: It’s “Downton Abbey” and I called it “Downtown Abbey.”)

– Boxing: Last update I started off with the statement: “We’re getting closer, I think, to a Mayweather/Pacquiao fight, but Bob Arum is still a dick.” Showing how little I fucking know about what I’m supposed to really know, Mayweather has announced that he’ll be fighting Miguel Cotto on May 5th. Then on Monday it was announced that Manny Pacquiao will fight Timothy Bradley on June 9th (as of this writing, Bradley has not officially signed). So we are now back to a zero chance of Pacquiao fighting Mayweather.

– Hulu Plus: I started using Hulu Plus recently, mainly because I wanted to catch up on Community and didn’t feel like paying $50 for one season on DVD. The biggest sell for me was that I can watch Hulu Plus through my Xbox, and not have to watch on my computer. It’s $7.99 a month for a whole shit load of content from NBC, Fox, and others. The downside is that there are commercials (just shorter breaks) and even worse, it’s only like four or five different commercials. If you end up watching a few episodes in a row, you will get extremely annoyed at the repetitive ads. Oh, and yes, Community is hilarious. I have no problem sticking it up there with Arrested Development.

– Downton Abbey: What the fuck is this show? I refuse to look into it, so any comments are welcome. I only ask because Amy Nuttall (I hope that’s pronounced “nut all”) is in it:  (The Daily What)

– And I say: A George Harrison guitar solo was stripped out of The Beatles’ “Here Comes The Sun,” which is pretty crazy that this just came out considering no one’s ever heard of The Beatles:  (Boing Boing)

– Wait, how long? Wanna watch Adriana Lima wave a flag for five hours? Here you go:  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Face/Off: The U.S. military wants to use masks to help burn victims regrow their faces. Using a mask “layered with sensors, actuators and a regenerative elixir — including stem cells — to regrow missing facial tissue.”  (Wired)

– “Moss froze the planet”: Motherfucking moss bringing about the ice age and shit. Technically the first land plants sucked carbon dioxide right out the Earth’s atmosphere, possibly dropping temperatures by 9 degrees. So kick a plant next time you see one.  (Discovery)

– Suck at golf? Buy this weed-whacking driver for when you end up in rough. Or out of bounds, or wherever anyone would let you cut the grass for them.  (Carpe Diem)

– Shadow art: The art on the wall is created by light shining on the art hanging from the ceiling:  (Core77)

– Nanos: One group of scientists are creating nanoparticles that seek out MRSA and selectively kill that harmful shit while leaving your shit alone. And then Dr. Sherif El-Safty created a “nanomaterial which enables simple detection and removal of arsenic from drinking water.”  (Institute of Nanotechnology)

– Even “nanopaint”: Maybe they are overusing “nano” everywhere, but whatever, the tech is dope. This guy created paint that can tell you of structural damage. Not like Siri tell you, more like “hey, what’s that blinking on your computer monitor?” “Shit! We gotta get the fuck outta here,” tell you.  (Engadget)

– Global economics: This paragraph is crazy:

An international team worked together to create the new material. First, transgenic goats and silkworms equipped to produce spider-silk proteins spun out the raw material in the synthetic biology lab at Utah State University. The cocoons were then shipped to South Korea, where they were reeled into thread, before being woven into fabric in Germany. The modified silk was then wedged between bioengineered skin cells developed by biochemist Abdoelwaheb El Ghalbzouri at the Leiden University Medical Center in the Netherlands. After five weeks of incubation, the hybrid skin was ready for target practice.

Then they took a fucking gun and shot that skin. And the skin stopped the bullet at slower speeds, something normal skin can’t do. Spider-silk skin, coming to a baby near you!  (New Scientist)

– Most disappointing article: Look ma, no wings: Secret of great tit flight revealed.” Oh. Birds.  (New Scientist) (It’s actually a cool video, just no breasts.)

– The Marks Financial Update:

  • MFL – Mark Lee is our worse performing Mark this year-to-date, however he is till up 3.77% and will forever hold the 2011 crown, so let the haters hate. My man’s turning 30, which means we get to find out if he’s like a running back. Investors will be watching. Mark Lee chugged along from $14.58 to $15.13 on February 7th.
  • MDH – Harter just loves sitting in the middle of these two, up 4.78% for the start of the year. Not bad, but you know he should be getting a boost for hosting yet another victorious Super Bowl party. Harter stands at $2.41, up from $2.30.
  • MAB – Bunk’s really pissed about his last place finish the prior year so he came out sprinting, jumping from $14.39 to $16.35 as of February 7th. We’ll keep watching you though, just ’cause your a shady shit.

– GMen: On Monday at work I was asked, “when did you get nervous?” My original reply was, “two weeks ago.” The real question is, “when were you most nervous?” It had to be with 5 minutes left after the Patriots had just converted a third down at the Giants’ 47. Another first down and there’s at least a field goal. Fortunately, three great plays happened. On 1st, Chris Canty plants The Law Firm one yard deep, and quickly. Next is the Welker drop (totally not covered on the Internet). On third down, Corey Fucking Webster crushes Branch to break up the pass. All that was left was Eli Time. And now there’s this:  (@Giants)

– Just relax: Felt like there was too much writing in this update. So here’s Camille Rowe:  (Terry Richardson)

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Weekly Update.

– Boxing: So Floyd Mayweather, Jr, won’t have to go to jail until June 1st, which now leaves no excuse in the Pacquiao camp for a May 5th fight, right? Nope. Bob “Cunty McCunterson” Arum says Manny won’t be ready to fight until sometime in June… a week after saying Manny was going to takeover Floyd’s proposed May 5th fight date. To that, I say fuck you, Bob Arum.  (ESPN)

– Ladies: Apparently you don’t like it when I open with titties. Here’s a puppy:  (The Daily What)

– Magnetic Levitation: This shit is ridiculous. I remember being pumped as all hell as a kid when toy race-car tracks began letting you switch lanes (note: don’t try switching lanes at full speed, the cars just fling off the track), but these fuckers in Japan made the sickest track of all:  (Core77)

– Texting while pissing is OK: Last update I posted a video about shit that made your clothes stain free. Now here’s something you put on your electronics to make them waterproof:  (PopSci)

– Chill out: This device from LG will cool your canned beverage in under 5 minutes. 8 minutes for a bottle of wine or two cans. ‘Cause you can can can. ‘Cause you can can can can can can can.  (Gizmodo)

– Mark it: LifeHacker presents the 2012 buying calendar, so you now know that you should buy Broadway tickets in February.  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Roll out: In December, during a high school football game at Cowboys Stadium (I feel like there should be an apostrophe after Cowboys, since it is their stadium, but I guess it’d be Blake Stadium and not Blake’s Stadium), a golf cart went buck-wa-wa-wild (I’m about to blow, light me up!) and done fucked some people up. Here’s the remixed version:  (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

– Jigga Man: If you were a rapper who just became a dad, you’d release a song with your newborn baby on it, right? Like right away? Because Jay-Z did.  (The Daily What)

– Sploosh: This is a cool shot. More here.  (Gizmodo)

– Low-gluten beer: Just as much gluten as regular beer. (Though gluten free is gluten free and tastes like shit.)  (Discovery)

– Merry New Year: Sorry I didn’t wish you a happy new year, but here are some good photos of celebratory fireworks from around the world. Here’s a sample from London:  (HongKiat)

– The good life: Back in 1966, you could have bought a 30-inch Kenmore oven for $330. Sounds cheap right? Well, you would have had to have worked, on average, 121.3 hours (not including taxes). For 121.3 hours of work today, on average, you can buy all of the below:  (Carpe Diem)

– For Muralo: Scientists at Notre Dame have figured out how to put solar cells into paint. It’s extremely inefficient, but it can be made cheaply.  (Engadget)

– Midnight Sun: Add Iceland to “places I should probably go to at some point”:  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Cold turkey: So according to some snobby fuckers at Harvard, “Nicotine therapy doesn’t help people quit smoking.” People on patches/gum were as likely to relapse as those who just stopped smoking.  (The Telegraph)

– The Marks’ Financial Update, 2011 Year in Review:

  • MAB (up 11.23%) – Bunk was our worst performing Mark for the year 2011 yet he was still up 11.23% so Harter and Mark Lee can rest easy. Bunk’s year did not start off well as he was down 40 cents in one week of trading (from $12.91 to $12.50), but ended up composing himself and not looking back. Two life events really were the spark Bunk needed. First it was the long-term contract he entered into in May that took him from $12.62 to $13.49 (that’s almost 7%). Then it was the winning in fake football that took him from $13.57 (after his last lost of the season) to his 2011 close of $14.36 (about 6%). Bunk has carried over that winning attitude into 2012, as he is up over the first week of trading.
  • MDH (up 12.80%) – Harter, our non-married Mark (I was gonna call him a restricted free agent), finished 2nd in performance. While 12.8% seems inline with the others, Harter had the biggest swings (at Big Swing!) along the way. Most notable was his 99-cent rise to start the year (that’d be a 47% increase), then his horrendous August when he was down 27%, but he closed the year out on a 22% increase from that low point. Anyway, Harter continues to be the cheapest (2011 close of $2.38), though you better be able to stomach the roller coaster.
  • MFL (up 14.32%) – Mark had a rough start to 2011, but only because he had a rough ending to 2010. From November 29th, 2010 to January 14th, 2011, Mark went from $13.61 to $11.83 (that’s down 13%). After that, Mark would look at you like that shit gravy, with a smooth rise for the rest of the year with one little bump in August. He, too, entered into a long-term contract a little after Bunk, but did not see the same type of spike that Bunk had, just a continuation of steadiness. You’d think someone missing the Moonti playoffs for his first time would have had a drop-off at the end of the year, but investors showed faith and made him our most profitable Mark in 2011.

– Gents: But them chicks never said shit about closing with some titties (true vets should have known this was coming since there was no warning at the top):  (Working Stiff 925)

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