Weekly Update.

– Correction: In the last update I called this clip Kung Fu Volleyball, because what the fuck else would you call it? Apparently it’s really called Sepak Takraw.  (Kornfeld)

– Boxing: Amir Khan stopped Zab Judah in the fifth round on July 23rd. Zab thought it was a blatant low-blow that sent him to the canvas, but Zab is an idiot to think that. The punch landed right on Zab’s belt, which was high on his waist. Either way, Zab stayed on the ground because he thought he was getting a “standing eight count”. Pretty sure you’d be standing if the ref was giving you a standing eight count.

– Heeeeeey: If your phone is smart, you’d download the “Hey Tell” application. It’s a free voice messaging ap (app? Apple says app) that works like a walkie-talkie. Maybe not the best explanation, but give it a try. It’s free. Also, if you know Harter, then he’s about to give you a two week warning for when he stops texting. Hit him on the hip or fuck off. That’s his attitude.  (Mark Lee via Craig Smith)

– JV Football: In order to join the Mountain West Conference, Boise State had to agree to not wear all blue uniforms at home during conference games. I’d consider that bush league.  (Uni Watch)

– Whittlin’ like a motherfucker: Maskull Lasserre’s whittling work was being shown up in Montreal, if you wanted to see some freaky shit like this:  (Gizmodo)

– Thirsty? Then travel 12 billion light years and find this largest body of water:

That’s water straight chillin’ in space. Scientists say that there is enough water there for every person on Earth to have their own planet’s worth of water 20,000 times over. That’s, um, a lot.  (Fast Company)

– Putin: The contest might be over, but if we have any Russian readers (nyet? Though Google translator says “het”), then you might want to submit your strip tease for a free iPad 2. Just be sure to support Putin’s bid for president:  (Ben)

– Minimum wage: Keeping minorities and teenagers out of work since 1938. New research by two economists shows what minimum wage increases do to employment:

Each 10% increase in the minimum wage [since 2007] was accompanied by a decrease in employment of 1.2% for Hispanic males, 2.5% for white males and 6.5% for black males. When looking at hours worked, we saw a similar effect: Each 10% increase in the minimum wage reduced hours worked by 1.7% for Hispanic males, 3% for white males and 6.6% for black males.

The article also notes that some 26,400 16- to 24-year-old black males lost their jobs from 2007 to 2010 thanks to forced wage increases. But no, go ahead and ignore a simple demand curve.  (Carpe Diem)

– “Gulf Coast Oilbirds”: That’s a suggested fantasy football team name from the folks at Kissing Suzy Kolber. Check out the rest of the list here. Either way, football is back.  (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

– Stencils: Hard for me to believe that this picture:

Was created with stencils and spray paint. Then I saw this video:

And now I believe. More pictures here.  (Core77)

– Liquid face: Scientists are testing out a new “liquid biomaterial” that you inject under the skin, mold, and then shine some LEDs on it to set. A pain-free way to get your face rearranged.  (Gizmodo)

– Cheap lightbulbs: Just take an empty soda bottle, fill with water and some bleach, drill a hole in your roof, and bam! Let there be light:  (Fast Company)

– Ah, boobs: And why not?  (Working Stiff 925)

– The Marks’ Financial Update:

  • MDH – Harter had a fun ride, spiking at $2.94 on July 21st, but like the rest of the world he came crashing down. He closed August 5th at $2.60, a twenty-seven cent drop from his previous $2.87 close on July 7th. On the plus side, Harter is still on the plus side for the year after opening at $2.16 on January 3rd.
  • MAB – Bunk dropped twenty-nine cents since his July 7th close of $13.69, leaving him at $13.40 for you math-hating assholes. I would say this is because he still calls his wife his girlfriend, but then the world got itself into the shitter, so we’ll go with “market movement”. Bunk is also still positive for the year, when he opened at $13.03.
  • MFL – Could introducing Blake to Hey Tell have a positive effect on his stock? No. He went from $13.58 down to $13.03, the biggest drop of all the Marks. I’m not saying the move to Chatham has anything to do with it. OK, I said it, so what? Mark is also up for the year, he opened at $12.75, proving once again it never hurts to put your money with the Marks.

– Notes on the site: I know, I can’t really be calling these “weekly” updates anymore if I’m not going to be posting weekly. I do try, though, but work is busy so there’s less time to read up on shit. Wednesday happy hours aren’t helping either. Neither do Tuesday dinners and thirsty Thursdays and pool beer pong. Such is life. You can help, if you’d like, by sending me any dumb shit you think should be put on here. Just email it to me at blakesupdate@gmail.com. Simple. You can also use Facebook or Twitter, if you’re a thirteen-year-old girl. On the other hand, this has been a good run of titties being shown in each update. Just saying.

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Weekly Update.

– Boxing: Paul Williams over Erislandy Lara was the second worst decision I’ve ever seen. Lara dominated Williams and should have gotten an unanimous decision, instead Williams won on 2 out of three scorecards. All three judges were suspended indefinitely. Still, watching Evander Holyfield cower in the corner for what seems like more than three rounds against Lennox Lewis to earn a draw in 1999 will always be the worst decision to me.

– iHit: That’s just an iPhone case, man. No, man, you can like, smoke it. Man.:  (Ces)

– Carry a big fork: And eat lightly. In one study, patrons ate less when eating with a big fork than with a small one. (The Daily What)

– Space, the final frontier: Literally. Because going to Mars could kill you, thanks to “[s]pace radiation, microgravity and psychological implications”.  (Discovery)

– A urinal for chicks: It’s only a concept. A creepy concept:  (Gizmodo)

– Urineade: Nothing like a urinal to lead into a new drink. In fact, this piece ties up the previous two, since NASA is working on a sports drink made from urine. (And that’s how you let the post build, beeeeaatch!)  (Wired)

– Make money smoking cigarettes: Some dude will buy one pound of cigarette butts for $3. If you’re wondering, about 1,500 cancer sticks make one pound. Hey, I didn’t say make a profit smoking cigarettes. (Carpe Diem)

– Smart chimps: If you’ve been falling for some of the viral marketing for Rise of the Planet of the Apes like an asshole (Ces), then I’m sorry for you. But real primates are still smart, whether it’s a chimpanzee that was “hoarding stones and making discs from concrete so he could hurl them at visitors” or another disarming snare traps. Read about the real ones here, then watch the fake ones here.  (New Scientist)

– Kung Fu Volleyball: What else would you call it:  (Wooten)

– Obligatory space pic: Of an aurora:  (Wired)

– Bill Gates: This is a great interview with Bill Gates, a smart man. Also a rich man and a man who really cares where this planet and its people are going. He doesn’t care much for solar panels (he blames the heat of them), but when asked if the Gates would put solar panels on their roof, he replied:

Oh, we like to be cute like everyone. For rich people, this is OK. Rich people can do whatever they want.

You’re damn right, Bill. Not doing whatever you want is for poor people.  (Wired)

– Mind power: Brain implants could help people control artificial limbs in the near future. Their own limbs, not yours. That’d be weird.  (Discovery)

– Florida is fucked: “Hey everyone, I’m having a party. Oh, no one can go in the master bedroom, though.” We’ve all heard those words. But a teen in Florida is charged with murdering his parents and then having a party. The guests were unaware since the parents’ bedroom was locked.  (Reuters)

– Subwaymart: The Tesco in South Korea (should probably just say Korea, but food and technology do not exist in North Korea) setup a virtual market in the subway. Take a pic of the QR code to order food to your door:  (Kornfeld)

– She needs to clean more: That’s one nasty belly button, if that thing is coming out of it:  (Fuck Yeah Brazilian Girls)

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Weekly Update.

– Boxing: David Haye should be banned from boxing after his horrendous attempt against Wladimir Klitschko. Klitschko dominated Haye to a unanimous decision while Haye bitched about a broken pinky toe. There should be better boxing this weekend when Paul Williams takes on Erislandy Lara on HBO. Oh, and Ricky Hatton retired, according to ESPN.

– Slow motion for me, slow motion for me: I’m sure there is something that looks awful in slow motion, but I have yet to see it. Here’s some water:

And here’s a tank shooting some shit:

Lovely.  (water, Geekologie; tank, Gizmodo)

– King me: Not sure how long this game of checkers would last, but you gotta like the concept:  (Core77)

– You are not a hologram: Some really smart people think we are just a hologram (click here to have Wikipedia explain it better than I can). New studies show those really smart people might be wrong.

– Idle Hands: Wanna play guitar, but you don’t want to actually learn how? Then just electrocute yourself. Well, not really, but this device sends electric currents into your hand to bend your fingers properly.  (New Scientist)

– Speaking of idle hands: Yeah, she’s nice:  (Fuck Yeah Brazilian Girls)

– Taxes and the NBA: There’s a correlation between state income taxes and success in the NBA. It’s too small of a sample size to give it any weight, but you gamblers should take note that for seven straight years a team from one of the ten lowest taxed cities made the finals.  (Carpe Diem)

– Is that a megaphone in your pants or are you just happy to see me? The world’s loudest animal uses its penis to make its noise.  (Discovery)

– “That ether, that shit that makes your soul burn slow”: Complex has “The 50 Best Hip-Hop Diss Songs“, but I have a hard time agreeing with their first choice (Jay-Z’s “Takeover”). Nas’ response to “Takeover” was “Ether” (number 3), which is a term rappers now use when someone shits on someone else and I think the debate over who won the Nas/Jay-Z beef is still ongoing. Complex’s second choice, “Hit ‘Em Up” by 2Pac, resulted in the deaths of, arguably, hip-hops two greatest rappers.  (The Daily What)

– The history of contacts: Yeah, as I write this I realize it’s probably not that interesting, but people used to stick pieces of glass onto their eyes (it covered even the whites) back in the 1880s.  (Gizmodo)

– Coffee may ward off Alzheimer’s: The mice were drinking the equivalence of four to five cups of coffee a day, but still, those on coffee showed better resistance to Alzheimer’s than those drinking decaf.  (Discovery)

– How’d you spend the Fourth? I bet you didn’t release paper lanterns into the air like the Polish:  (Core77)

– Got to pass a drug test? Here’s how (lots and lots and lots of water. Oh, and some vitamins so your piss ain’t clear).  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Radiohead: If you like the band Radiohead, you should have OK Computer and In Rainbows. If you really like Radiohead, you’d put those albums together to create the “hidden” Radiohead album. Start with the first song from OK Computer, then put on the first song from In Rainbows, then keep doing that until you get to “Karma Police”. Ta-da. Hidden album. Learn more tricks from Radiohead and other bands here. (Cracked)

– The Marks’ Financial Update:

  • MFL – Mr. Lee, the second Mark to wed, made like rolling hills as he worked his stock up to $13.58, from $13.25 on June 12th. Investors gave Mark a little scare on the three trading days after his marriage, especially on the 27th when he dropped almost twenty cents. Still, he continues his steady climb that started back in April.
  • MAB – Bunk had a terrible July 5th, so I’m going to go ahead and assume he had a terrible July 4th. Surprisingly, he stayed positive during this time period and closed on July 7th at $13.69, up from his June 12th $13.31.
  • MDH – After deciding Harter was at his peak at Mark Lee’s wedding, investors came in on Monday selling. Seriously, you couldn’t beat the best man’s speech (at least I know I didn’t), yet Harter dropped twelve cents on the 27th, then another five cents on Tuesday. He closed July 7th at $2.87, down from his June 12th $2.94.

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