Category Archives: Weekly Update

You look racist.

Google Reader will no longer be accesible on Monday, July 1st and since that site is the main platform from which I compile articles (Twitter second, emails received third, and Facebook non-existant), who knows the next time I will write one of these. I mean, I already wait too long between posts anyway. 

– Thirsty Thursdays: According to research, women are more likely to have sex on Thursdays, be most stressed on Wednesdays, and be happiest on Fridays (after a nice lay, naturally). Oh, and women supposedly look their oldest at 3:30 PM on Wednesdays. (Note: said “research” was conducted by St Tropez, a “tanning brand.”)  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Bad idea: Jeans company Wrangler has unveiled “moisturizing jeans.” Like someone dumped body lotion in your jeans, or something. Actually, that person is Molly since they are called “Wrangler Denim Spa Molly Skinny Jeans With Olive Extract” and you can order them here. So everyone thank Molly.  (Gizmodo)

– Stem cells: British scientist have 3-D printed “complex, living structures” with stem cells. The ultimate goal would be for the machine to print an extra organ for you, instead of relying on a donor.  (Fast Company)

– Volcano from space: It’s a pretty cool view, if you ask me. SO ASK ME:  (The Daily What)

– Blisters: Go here to learn how to better prevent blisters when you run (reduce friction, jackass). And blisters are more common in the sun, so maybe Violent Femmes were onto something.  (Gizmodo)

– You look racist: With a short, wide head (ahem, Wooten) you are more likely to be racist. The study seems to be bullshit, though, as they only studied 70 men.  (Discovery)

– Let’s drink: First: If you use diet mixers, you’ll get drunk faster. Second: “Couples Who Drink Together, Stay Together” (meaning you don’t go out separately, which is, like, rule number one when dating. Ya know, being together and all that.). And third: Scientists are working on “nanocapsules” that sober you up.  (“Mixers” from Gizmodo; other two from Discovery)

– Be mesmerized: If you can, up the video quality to 1080p:  (Geekologie)

– Be mesmerizeder: Ever send electricity through a board of wood? This woman did:  (The Daily What)

– For DIY masturbator: The Dildomaker:  (The World’s Best Ever)

– His and her keyholders: Personally, I’d use hers repeatedly:  (Hongkiat)

– Rarity: A rare bird ran into a wind turbine and died. Unfortunately, this isn’t a rare experience as estimates put the number of deaths by turbine per year at 440,000, according to the US Fish and Wildlife Service in 2009 . It’s just, well, rare for a bird not seen in 20 years. (The World’s Best Ever)

– The future: Regrow your severed limbs with the powder from pig bladders or grow your “own edible bugs” (a topic I’ve touched on at least twice before) or use a vaccine to kill your heroin addiction.  (PopSci)

– Bring the ‘pagne: Two glasses of champagne per week “can help ward off age-related memory loss as well as the onset of dementia and other degenerative brain disorders.”  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Redesign the wheel: Because it’s about time.  (Core77)

– “Don’t say my car’s topless, say ‘the titties is out'”: Did you know women can go topless in New York City?  (Fast Company)

– Burn your bra: For most females, bras are useless and lead to more problems than not wearing a bra.  (BoingBoing)

– Life keeps getting better: Here are thirty-one “Charts The Will Restore Your Faith in Humanity.”  (Wooten)

– Don’t be scurred: These shadows are crazy (not “Locke and Key” crazy, though):  (Geekologie)

– Blades of Wood: Sounds like a shitty video game. Anyway, someone created knives made entirely of wood.  (Core77)

– “The planet is fine, the people are fucked”: Man, thank you, George Carlin:  (Carpe Diem)

– How to walk on ice: It’s late, but for next winter just remember to walk like a penguin.  (BoingBoing)

– Or not:  (Ginny)

– Paper-thin stops bullets: The material is only 20 nanometers thick and can stop 9mm bullets.  (Discovery)

– Mo’ stem cells: Spinal Stem Cell Injections Help Reverse Paralysis“.  (Gizmodo)

– Organic food: No better for you, or the planet.”  (NewScientist)

– Conservation: 10 Tips to Conserve Your Smartphone Battery.”  (HongKiat)

– Sex cookies: Kama Sutra cookie-cutters.  (BoingBoing)

– Shit snake: Someone made a cobra out of cow manure:  (Geekologie)

– Artistic tits: Taken by Ryan McGinley:  (Fast Company)

And if I don’t talk to you by then, have a great July 4th. Just don’t be like Gilbert Arenas and get busted for over 100 pounds of fireworks (TMZ).


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They Still Probably Faked It.

(Let’s just pretend last year didn’t happen. Cool? Cool. Also, I’m changing the naming convention of these updates. So instead of “Weekly Update,” which is a lie, I’m just going to quote myself, which is narcissistic.)

– Boxing: I took the below picture (off my TV, no less) last summer. It’s Adrien Broner wearing a “Free Money May” t-shirt while Floyd Mayweather, Jr. was in jail. Broner is as close to Mayweather as one can get, except he’s more agressive and less defensive. He’s also brash and cocky and all that shit that old white men, and racists, hate about Mayweather. Watch him on February 16th against Gavin Rees, who is someone Broner will destroy.

– Watch out: It’s not just Wooten that walks into glass doors, so do old ladies at Apple stores. Except I gotta hand it to the Woobag, he didn’t try to sue the homeless shelter where he walked his face into a window.  (Apple Insider)

– Toy porn! Video summary says this happened spontaneously. I call bullshit, but enjoy:  (The Daily What)

– Stem cells: They never cease to amaze me. Reported last March, they helped monkeys with Parkinson’s stop shaking. The most important quote is here:

“Monkeys starting with tremors and rigidity [began] to move smoothly, and animals originally confined to sitting down were able to walk around,” says Takahashi.

Good to see Japanese scientists not trying to make a shitburger for once.  (New Scientist)

– And more stem cells: Monkeys who lost the ability to produce sperm due to (doo doo) chemotherapy have regained that ability because of stem cells in this motherfucker.  (New Scientist)

– They still probably faked it: Women can orgasm during workouts. Typically it’s during abdominal exercises. Also of note, for the ladies, is that the scientists behind the study suggest that if you have an orgasm during a specific workout, that workout “has the potential to enhance women’s sexual lives as well.”  (Gizmodo)

– Ah-hee-hee: I’m just going to leave this bird moonwalking right here:  (Geekologie)

– We’ve got an anti-robot apocalypse think tank? Yeah, that guy Steve’s on it: Stephen Hawking has joined the Cambridge Project for Existential Risk. The article’s headline about “anti-robot apocalypse” may be a little misleading, as the group will also think about artificial life and anthropogenic climate change.  (Fast Company)

– Stop development aid to Africa: So says Kenyan economics expert James Shikwati in an interview with Spiegel. To wit:

SPIEGEL: Mr. Shikwati, the G8 summit at Gleneagles is about to beef up the development aid for Africa…

Shikwati: … for God’s sake, please just stop.

SPIEGEL: Stop? The industrialized nations of the West want to eliminate hunger and poverty.

Shikwati: Such intentions have been damaging our continent for the past 40 years. If the industrial nations really want to help the Africans, they should finally terminate this awful aid. The countries that have collected the most development aid are also the ones that are in the worst shape. Despite the billions that have poured in to Africa, the continent remains poor.

Shikwati goes on to explain that the aid is going to financing huge bureaucracies and “corruption and complacency are promoted.” He also claims that the aid kills the “spirit of entrepreneurship” that Africa so needs.  (Spiegel)

– Welp, there go my weekends: DrinkSavvy is working on cups and straws that change color to warn you if your drink has been tampered with.  (Fast Company)

– Time-lapse is still awesome: Here’s “Island in the Sky”:  (Wired)

– Boing: Everything you ever wanted to know about morning wood (it happens during R.E.M. sleep and we typically wake up coming out of R.E.M. sleep):  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Fulgawhatnow? Fulgarite. That’s the name of this:

It happens when lightning hits sand. See another shot here at NatGeo.  (The Daily What)

– Bear down, Arizona: The University of Arizona has added women’s sand volleyball as a varsity sport, joining only 28 other schools. Basically, what I’m saying is, you chose poorly and I chose wisely.  (@AZATHLETICS)

– Amurca! American Football: Guns & Balls is a game available, for free, in Apple’s App Store (which I would link to, but apparently the App Store only exists as an app). The game is for your iPhone or iPad and its title screen looks like this:


And that picture is exactly how this game works. You wear a football uniform designed like the American flag, stand on a podium behind the uprights, and shoot at incoming field goal attempts. That’s when you’re on defense. On offense you just flick a ball at the uprights as many times as you can. It’s as terrible as you think it is, but it’s free and it’s America.  (Apple)

– Siri: Here’s how to make Siri say anything you want, if you have a Mac.  (Hongkiat)

– Guess it’s better than burning ’em: Here are 40 “book sculptures” for you to peruse. Like so:  (Hongkiat)

– The Marks’ Financial Update, 2012 Year in Review:

  • MFL (up 10.43%) – A good sign for the Marks if Mark Lee was the worst performer and was still up 10.43% ($14.58 to $16.10). Mark’s biggest movement (not in the bathroom) was a 3-day drop (again, not in the bathroom) in the middle of March. On the 13th, you could buy a share of Mark at $15.21, but by March 16th he was only worth $14.06. The rest of the year was ho-hum until December 6th, the day after the birth of his son, where he started a fall that didn’t bottom out until December 18th. He trended up to end the year, and to start 2013 he is up 2.19% to $16.78.
  • MAB (up 10.49%) – Bunk just edged out Mark Lee for second place, gaining about a buck-fiddy from $14.39 to $15.90. Bunk’s year started out well, then flatlined around the time they find out Jaime was pregnant. That flatline ended in August, which I believe is when they started telling people, but that requires research. The high (so hiiiiiiigh) for Bunk was November 23rd, where he hit $17.99. Alas, he came down from that high in December to close out the year on a downer. Currently, Bunk is up 2.29% at $16.56, but analysts have not fully figured out the impact the birth of his daughter will have. Stay tuned.
  • MDH (up 44.35%) – My man does not fuck around. Harter went from $2.30 to $3.32 last year, hitting his highest point on October 9th ($4.07) just days after his engagement to Molly. The market liked that match, apparently. Harter got most of his performance in the first half of the year, gaining almost $2 through to May 3rd. He hit a couple of troughs at the end of May and beginning of June, though he had a nice upswing from there. On November 8th, the wheels came off and he dropped from $3.86 to $3.12 on November 14th. With a further drop in December, I can’t say I wasn’t worried for the guy. Luckily he had a little jump to finish 2012. Congratulations – you may not have won the Moonti Cup this year, but at least you won something.

– She’s just as happy as you: And to keep her happy, I’ll try not to wait a year between posts:  (@iLikeGirlsDaily)

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Weekly Update.

– Boxing: Besides seeing a heavyweight boxer get glassed (yes, as the English say) by David Haye, not much has been going on. I do, however, recommend getting your hair brushed before hopping on the Adrien Broner bandwagon.

– “I’m here for the gangbang.”: Apparently the noise your girl makes when you please her in bed is really her calling out to, or inviting, other men (#3 in that link). So instead of her being all, “Oooo, Jon” she’s really all, “Oooo, Jon, while I’m giving you the first chance to impregnate me over the rest of the males, I still don’t trust your sperm enough to get the job done. So I figure I’m in the mood, might as well ensure we get a bun in the oven.” Bam. Orgy. Or at least that’s what some chimps and apes do. Toss in the scientists that see no evolutionary reason for the female orgasm, but do see humans as similar to chimps and apes, and you got the “bitches be whores, man” theory. (Cracked)

– Um, speaking of women: Bad transition? Well, women are more likely to delete friends on Facebook and less likely to notice their own weight gain.  (Discovery)

– Waterworld: It exists!  (PopSci)

– Lose weight like a fat, lazy shit: Eat dessert after breakfast and workout 20 minutes a day, three days a week.  (Gizmodo)

– “Boobieblog”: That’s a name of a real site (since 2005, no less). And here’s a link to it that features Playboy Bunnies showing their, yup, boobies. Just so:  (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

– Kidneys: What’s the argument against paying people to donate their kidneys? The available kidneys to kidney needer (so not the right word) ratio is fucking terrible. Who the hell wants to go get cut up and have an organ taken out and get nothing in return except a lollipop and some Vicodin? Anyway, it makes too much sense, to me, to get paid for a major operation where they take a part of you to give to someone else, so I figure I’m missing something. The only plausible response is you are worried about the morals? Of being paid to help people? No. People will abuse the system? By having both kidneys removed? Really? If you know the answer to this question, please add a comment below so I can ridicule it. Thanks!  (Carpe Diem)

– Bear Down: Or should I say, “bare” down. Ugh. Shitty jokes aside, here’s former Wildcat (FALSE: once a Wildcat, always a Wildcat) Natalie Gulbis getting naked (look closely):  (Voorhees)

– How the zebra got its stripes: According to a new theory, zebras’ stripes evolved because flies are less likely to bite striped animals than solid color animals. I never knew flies were racists.  (New Scientist)

– Stars: I was cleaning out links I had kept, but never used, for the site and came across the below shot. Not sure which friend had shared it on Google Reader (it was from the before time, when Reader didn’t suck donkey balls), so if they remember they can leave a comment below (which I won’t ridicule).  (Wooten? Broz? Alan?)

– Fartinnügen: I’ve said it so many times now, but the Japanese are weird and have been historically. Here is a “fart scroll“:  (The Daily What)

– NY Times: OK, what the fuck is up with this paper? $5 for a Sunday edition? No wonder newspaper companies have shitty revenues these days (adjusted for inflation, they are back to 1951 revenues). Also, in 1987 the NY Times wrote an editorial suggesting a minimum wage of $0, then this year the Times pleads for New York to raise its minimum wage. On the plus side, it makes for good kindling.  (Carpe Diem)

 – Dogs: Underwater:  (Wooten)

– Dogs: On the football field. In theory. Basically they breakdown the best breed for each position, as inspired by Best In Show:  (@mattufford)

– This actually happens: Tazer Ball. It’s like team handball with a beach ball and tazers:  (io9)

– Bug life: If you’re really worried about climate change and world hunger, then you should support the movement to eat more insects. Some design people tackle the “that looks like disgusting shit, fuck off,” problem people have with insects on their plate. They also explain how much better it would be for the planet if eating insects was acceptable, which basically boils down to less costs, less feed (a lot of our food feeds our … food), and less greenhouse gasses. (I wrote about eating insects last year.)  (Core77)

– Old shit, old shit, CHINA: Excuse the weak DJ Clue bit, but scientists found a forest that has been buried in volcanic ash for 298 million years. This Pompeii-like forest was found underneath a mine in China with trees intact, similar to when scientists found humans intact when they discovered Pompeii, except not as horrific to think about.  (Gizmodo)

– Mini horses: Since we love miniature horses here, why not show an Onion video featuring the lovely animal:  (The World’s Best Ever)

– The Marks’ Financial Update:

  • MAB – Last time we checked in, Bunk was leading the Marks for the year. Since that time, he fell 3% to $15.86 (from February 7th’s $16.35) and is now in second for the year, up 10.5%. I think it was investors blaming Bunk for Costa Rica falling through, we’ll see how he redeems himself this year.
  • MFL – Mr. Lee, now 30, was up a whopping 0.09% since February 7th. That puts him at $15.28 and up 4.6% year-to-date. From February 10th to the 16th he fell to $14.83, close to his 2011 finish of $14.61, but was able to regain some composure. He has plenty of time to retain his crown from last year.
  • MDH – The other Marks had a shitty time compared to Harter, whose 11.2% rise from February 7th has put him in the lead for the year. Harter has gona from $2.38 to end 2011 to his current $2.68. That’s 12.6% by my laptop’s calculator’s calculation. I’m sure you all remember clearly, but was at $2.41 in the last update.

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