Corporations might discriminate; governments can oppress.
Never propose on a holiday. The legal trouble ain’t worth it after the engagement gets called off, but the money you spent on that ring is.
Impersonal mass texts are exactly the reason we have Facebook and Twitter.
I like my sweatpants to have pockets.
I love when musicians claim their work is too intelligent for the masses; it reminds me that artists are dumb.
There’s nothing more unattractive than a tall chick who you can tell is embarrassed by her height. That’s not fair, hideously unattractive dudes are more unattractive.
If you do not send your son to a big public school in the south/southwest, you are a terrible father. If you do send your daughter to a big public school in the south/southwest, you are a terrible father.
Chicks who are ridiculously hot do not eat at Chipotle. Let that be a lesson to all you pretty hot chicks that do eat at Chipotle.
It’s nice to see that Pam Oliver’s face finally caught up to her ass.
Tedy Bruschi is the Magic Johnson of strokes.
Instead of forcing NFL teams to play their starters at the end of the season, why don’t you lower preseason ticket prices? You know, if you’re trying to make it fair for the fans.
Having a Jenny Craig’s next to a McDonald’s is like having an AA meeting next to a bar.
If you can’t handle a pin prick 30 days before a fight, maybe you shouldn’t be a boxer. Yeah, I’m looking at you Manny Pacquiao.
I don’t understand why people chew ice. I don’t mean the last ice cubes in your drink, I mean a full cup of ice with just a bit of water.
Tourists and fat people need their own lane on the sidewalk. No offense to fat people or anything.
Coaches in waiting suck and are bound to fail (see: O’Neil, Kevin – Arizona basketball; Mora, Jim – Seattle Seahawks).
Everyone’s an idiot until they prove me otherwise.
What I like about golf: drinking, being outside, driving the cart, the golf glove. What I don’t like about golf: actual golf.
Pussy: The more time you spend with it, the more time its owner wants to spend with you.
I wish Philly would just die already. You were great for us in the late 1700s, but your bell is cracked and your city sucks.
If someone says “I’m not racist,” they are probably racist. Though they might have one black friend and they will mention this.
As my brother says, “it’s not a political line (left or right) we’re on, but a circle. The fringe right is as stubborn and one-minded as the fringe left.”
Read as much as you can as often as you can.
The best way to strengthen your argument is to study the opposing viewpoint.
UFC – Where Middle-Aged White Guys Not Named Brett Favre Succeed! aka Seriously, It’s Just Us and Hockey Right Now and That’s a Bunch of Frenchies, Canucks, and Eurotrash.