Play

– Skyrim: The rest of this page should be blank. Anyway, it’s a RPG set in medieval-esque times (I say “esque” because it takes place in a land called Tamriel). What do you have to do? Well, after you complete the first mission, a note says “I now have my freedom to do as I see fit in Skyrim.” So you don’t have to do anything. Don’t give a shit about the massive civil war? Then don’t do shit. Don’t care that dragons have been resurrected? Then don’t hunt them down. Even if you do complete the main mission, you will never see a credit scroll. What you can do is kill, steal, trade, smith, enchant, kill, marry, kill, buy houses, ride horses, and a whole bunch of other shit.  Who should play it: Anyone who has ever played a videogame before.

– Dragon Age 2: I liked this sequel much more than the original. The combat is more hack-and-slash, but I’ll take that any day over just watching your character attack for you. A good storyline (just wait until you see what they do to your mother) should keep you interested in seeing this to the end, as you go from an outsider to the Champion of Kirkwall. Who should play it: RPG fans.

– Naruto: Ultimate Ninja Storm 2: A fighting game based on anime. It’s also a game I’ve never played sober. I’ve had friends who rarely play video games play this, when in the right mindset, of course, and enjoy the shit out of it. You will, too. Who should play it: Drunks, stoners, and eight-year-olds.

– FIFA Soccer 10: Futbol is one shitty and boring sport to watch, but for about a 16 minute game (I go with 8 minute halves) it is an intense game.  Scoring chances are rare and hard to finish, so when you do score you are just like a soccer player.  Who should play it: Anyone who likes playing sport video games.

– Red Dead Redemption: Do you like Grand Theft Auto?  Do you like Westerns?  How would you like a better version of Grand Theft Auto set in 1911 out west?  Ride horses, shoot people and animals, ride into Mexico, shoot strangers in a duel, and then go ride out with friends online.  Who should play it: People who like to shoot things.

– Scrabble vs. Words With Friends for iPhone: Scrabble is the OG here and I would love to recommend it, but it costs money while Words… is free, it takes forever to load up a game while Words… is fast.  The pluses for Scrabble: it counts your score before you play, teacher shows you a better move, it has a dictionary, it’s the real fucking Scrabble.  Cons: $, slow, can’t see if someone sent you a message, takes long to tell you that you played a wrong word.  Scrabble will make you a better player, but Words… is a better app.  Who should play it: Everyone, these games are fun and you duck in when you can, so no time commitment.

– Battlefield: Bad Company 2: Shoot faces but also blow shit up.  Seriously.  Every wall, tree, road, whatever is yours to destroy.  Roll with a squad of 4, very team based multiplayer. Who should play it: Everyone, really.  Just convince your wifey to give you an hour with your friends.

– Mass Effect 2: A sci-fi epic of a role-playing game.  Think Gears of War mixed with Star Wars.  (Did I just offend everyone who plays this game?)  This game is so good it made me go back to Mass Effect 1.  Who should play it: Any sci-fi fan, any video game player.

– Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2: Shoot faces with a huge list of guns, about 5 or more each for Assault Rifles, Sub-machine Guns, Light Machine Guns, Sniper Rifles, also you have a choices in Handguns, Pistols, Shotguns, Launchers.  Who should play it: Anyone who likes to shoot people.

– Dragon Age: Origins: Role-playing game set in old times.  Choose between male or female, then elf, dawrf, or human, then warrior, rogue, or mage.  Depending on your choice, your story will be different.  Also, any choices you make along the way affect your story.  Wait, that was dorky as shit.  Um, cut off heads, smash people, have your player drenched in blood, have sex, save the world.  Better?  Did I mention sex?  Who should play it: Anyone with a lot of time on their hands, should like RPGs, action, dialogue.

– Assassin’s Creed II: Action game where you run around Italy as an assassin (get it?).  Rely on stealth, evade guards by being extremely acrobatic, steal, kill.  Blake has not played it, recommended as rental.  Who should play it: If you liked Prince of Persia: Sands of Time, action, killing people in cool ways.