Weekly Update.

– Boxing: So Floyd Mayweather, Jr, won’t have to go to jail until June 1st, which now leaves no excuse in the Pacquiao camp for a May 5th fight, right? Nope. Bob “Cunty McCunterson” Arum says Manny won’t be ready to fight until sometime in June… a week after saying Manny was going to takeover Floyd’s proposed May 5th fight date. To that, I say fuck you, Bob Arum.  (ESPN)

– Ladies: Apparently you don’t like it when I open with titties. Here’s a puppy:  (The Daily What)

– Magnetic Levitation: This shit is ridiculous. I remember being pumped as all hell as a kid when toy race-car tracks began letting you switch lanes (note: don’t try switching lanes at full speed, the cars just fling off the track), but these fuckers in Japan made the sickest track of all:  (Core77)

– Texting while pissing is OK: Last update I posted a video about shit that made your clothes stain free. Now here’s something you put on your electronics to make them waterproof:  (PopSci)

– Chill out: This device from LG will cool your canned beverage in under 5 minutes. 8 minutes for a bottle of wine or two cans. ‘Cause you can can can. ‘Cause you can can can can can can can.  (Gizmodo)

– Mark it: LifeHacker presents the 2012 buying calendar, so you now know that you should buy Broadway tickets in February.  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Roll out: In December, during a high school football game at Cowboys Stadium (I feel like there should be an apostrophe after Cowboys, since it is their stadium, but I guess it’d be Blake Stadium and not Blake’s Stadium), a golf cart went buck-wa-wa-wild (I’m about to blow, light me up!) and done fucked some people up. Here’s the remixed version:  (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

– Jigga Man: If you were a rapper who just became a dad, you’d release a song with your newborn baby on it, right? Like right away? Because Jay-Z did.  (The Daily What)

– Sploosh: This is a cool shot. More here.  (Gizmodo)

– Low-gluten beer: Just as much gluten as regular beer. (Though gluten free is gluten free and tastes like shit.)  (Discovery)

– Merry New Year: Sorry I didn’t wish you a happy new year, but here are some good photos of celebratory fireworks from around the world. Here’s a sample from London:  (HongKiat)

– The good life: Back in 1966, you could have bought a 30-inch Kenmore oven for $330. Sounds cheap right? Well, you would have had to have worked, on average, 121.3 hours (not including taxes). For 121.3 hours of work today, on average, you can buy all of the below:  (Carpe Diem)

– For Muralo: Scientists at Notre Dame have figured out how to put solar cells into paint. It’s extremely inefficient, but it can be made cheaply.  (Engadget)

– Midnight Sun: Add Iceland to “places I should probably go to at some point”:  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Cold turkey: So according to some snobby fuckers at Harvard, “Nicotine therapy doesn’t help people quit smoking.” People on patches/gum were as likely to relapse as those who just stopped smoking.  (The Telegraph)

– The Marks’ Financial Update, 2011 Year in Review:

• MAB (up 11.23%) – Bunk was our worst performing Mark for the year 2011 yet he was still up 11.23% so Harter and Mark Lee can rest easy. Bunk’s year did not start off well as he was down 40 cents in one week of trading (from $12.91 to $12.50), but ended up composing himself and not looking back. Two life events really were the spark Bunk needed. First it was the long-term contract he entered into in May that took him from $12.62 to $13.49 (that’s almost 7%). Then it was the winning in fake football that took him from $13.57 (after his last lost of the season) to his 2011 close of $14.36 (about 6%). Bunk has carried over that winning attitude into 2012, as he is up over the first week of trading.
• MDH (up 12.80%) – Harter, our non-married Mark (I was gonna call him a restricted free agent), finished 2nd in performance. While 12.8% seems inline with the others, Harter had the biggest swings (at Big Swing!) along the way. Most notable was his 99-cent rise to start the year (that’d be a 47% increase), then his horrendous August when he was down 27%, but he closed the year out on a 22% increase from that low point. Anyway, Harter continues to be the cheapest (2011 close of $2.38), though you better be able to stomach the roller coaster.
• MFL (up 14.32%) – Mark had a rough start to 2011, but only because he had a rough ending to 2010. From November 29th, 2010 to January 14th, 2011, Mark went from $13.61 to $11.83 (that’s down 13%). After that, Mark would look at you like that shit gravy, with a smooth rise for the rest of the year with one little bump in August. He, too, entered into a long-term contract a little after Bunk, but did not see the same type of spike that Bunk had, just a continuation of steadiness. You’d think someone missing the Moonti playoffs for his first time would have had a drop-off at the end of the year, but investors showed faith and made him our most profitable Mark in 2011.

– Gents: But them chicks never said shit about closing with some titties (true vets should have known this was coming since there was no warning at the top):  (Working Stiff 925)