Monthly Archives: August 2011

(WARNING: No naked chicks below.)

– Boxing: 24/7 for Mayweather vs. Ortiz starts next Saturday, August 27th, on HBO. They’ll also be shown on CNN if you don’t get HBO.

– Melodica: We saw one of these on a rooftop Saturday:

It’s called a melodica and you can buy one here if you are so inclined. The Wikipedia page for melodicas has a lot of “citation needed”s, so not sure how much we can trust it. But basically, these things were seen in the 19th century, but not really used until the 1950s and 1960s. If you still want to buy one, please note that the “melodica is the perfect instrument for busking.” Then again, you may end up looking like this guy:

– RZA traintable, jump the turnstyle: Since the fine for jumping the turnstyle in the New York subway system is $100, and NYPD only catches around 0.6% of jumpers (1 out 154), you might as well jump. Go ahead and jump.  (Wooten)

– Kick Cancer in the Balls: That’s the team name Joe Capizzi is using for the Livestrong (sorry, LIVESTRONG) bike event in Phlly on August 20th. Help Capiz reach his goal here. And for those wondering why he uses that name… think about it… yup, cancer of the balls. And he kicked that shit.  (Capizzi)

– A sphincter says what? Scientists are implanting artificial sphincters in mice so they don’t shit themselves (the mice, that is). The scientists hope to one day implant fake asshole in old people so they don’t shit themselves either.  (Geekologie)

– Like an escort? “Rent Marcus in New Orleans for $15 an hour to experience the nightlife on Bourbon Street.” “Rent Maria in Miami for $30 an hour to learn Spanish.” The site isn’t live yet, but Pal Locale will let you rent people for totally non-sexual things.  (Carpe Diem)

– Bud: Budweiser will be using new cans, not sure when though so keep an eye out for these:  (Wooten)

– It’s OK to take pictures of their asses: Two female volleyball players in England are wearing advertisements on their ass cheeks. Like so:

That thing on her butt is called a QR code. If you take a picture of it with a smartphone, you’ll be directed to Betfair’s website.  (Carpe Diem)

– Plywood pixels: So this:

Is made like this:  (Core77)

– Get HD without cable/satellite: For $44 you can buy an antennae called the Mohu Leaf, which looks like a mousepad. Hide it behind a picture, or bookcase (not sure why you don’t hide it behind the TV), and you get over-the-air free HD. I don’t think that includes ESPN, though.  (Discovery)

– Work out at work: This just looks terrible:  (The World’s Best Ever)

– OBNC: I hate those bumper stickers, but I do love this time-lapse of the Outer Banks:  (Gizmodo)

– Watch The Throne: First off, you should really watch Game of Thrones, available on demand on HBO. Second, you should probably listen to Watch The Throne, Jay-Z and Kanye’s joint album. It’s decent, but I’m not so good at reviewing things. You know who is? The fake Ghostface Killah. Here’s his take on one of the shittiest songs I’ve ever heard:

11. Made In America (ft. Frank Ocean) – First of all son….Lionel Richie called from 1986 n said he wants his song back yo. Word. Sade jus holla’d on twitter to say this shit is soft as fuck namsayin. I think Elton John wants to conceive babies to this joint b. Drake said he gon soak in his lotion pool to this shit rite here for like a week son. I think Wiz Khagina is scissorin wit Amber Rose to this shit rite now as we speak yo. I heard this shit gon be used for the next Gwyneth Paltrow movie too. I dont kno how the same nigga that did Who Gon Stop Me had anything to do wit this shit but apparently he did nahmean. This shit sounds like two niggas hang glidin over the ocean together at sunset holdin hands son. I think this is bout to be on Yung Berg’s yoga playlist. I cant fuck wit this shit at all b. This shit is like audio lesbian comin out my speakers son.

“This shit sounds like two niggas hang glidin over the ocean together at sunset holdin hands son.” Whatever that means, he’s right.  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Correction: In the last update I called this clip Kung Fu Volleyball, because what the fuck else would you call it? Apparently it’s really called Sepak Takraw.  (Kornfeld)

– Boxing: Amir Khan stopped Zab Judah in the fifth round on July 23rd. Zab thought it was a blatant low-blow that sent him to the canvas, but Zab is an idiot to think that. The punch landed right on Zab’s belt, which was high on his waist. Either way, Zab stayed on the ground because he thought he was getting a “standing eight count”. Pretty sure you’d be standing if the ref was giving you a standing eight count.

– Heeeeeey: If your phone is smart, you’d download the “Hey Tell” application. It’s a free voice messaging ap (app? Apple says app) that works like a walkie-talkie. Maybe not the best explanation, but give it a try. It’s free. Also, if you know Harter, then he’s about to give you a two week warning for when he stops texting. Hit him on the hip or fuck off. That’s his attitude.  (Mark Lee via Craig Smith)

– JV Football: In order to join the Mountain West Conference, Boise State had to agree to not wear all blue uniforms at home during conference games. I’d consider that bush league.  (Uni Watch)

– Whittlin’ like a motherfucker: Maskull Lasserre’s whittling work was being shown up in Montreal, if you wanted to see some freaky shit like this:  (Gizmodo)

– Thirsty? Then travel 12 billion light years and find this largest body of water:

That’s water straight chillin’ in space. Scientists say that there is enough water there for every person on Earth to have their own planet’s worth of water 20,000 times over. That’s, um, a lot.  (Fast Company)

– Putin: The contest might be over, but if we have any Russian readers (nyet? Though Google translator says “het”), then you might want to submit your strip tease for a free iPad 2. Just be sure to support Putin’s bid for president:  (Ben)

– Minimum wage: Keeping minorities and teenagers out of work since 1938. New research by two economists shows what minimum wage increases do to employment:

Each 10% increase in the minimum wage [since 2007] was accompanied by a decrease in employment of 1.2% for Hispanic males, 2.5% for white males and 6.5% for black males. When looking at hours worked, we saw a similar effect: Each 10% increase in the minimum wage reduced hours worked by 1.7% for Hispanic males, 3% for white males and 6.6% for black males.

The article also notes that some 26,400 16- to 24-year-old black males lost their jobs from 2007 to 2010 thanks to forced wage increases. But no, go ahead and ignore a simple demand curve.  (Carpe Diem)

– “Gulf Coast Oilbirds”: That’s a suggested fantasy football team name from the folks at Kissing Suzy Kolber. Check out the rest of the list here. Either way, football is back.  (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

– Stencils: Hard for me to believe that this picture:

Was created with stencils and spray paint. Then I saw this video:

And now I believe. More pictures here.  (Core77)

– Liquid face: Scientists are testing out a new “liquid biomaterial” that you inject under the skin, mold, and then shine some LEDs on it to set. A pain-free way to get your face rearranged.  (Gizmodo)

– Cheap lightbulbs: Just take an empty soda bottle, fill with water and some bleach, drill a hole in your roof, and bam! Let there be light:  (Fast Company)

– Ah, boobs: And why not?  (Working Stiff 925)

– The Marks’ Financial Update:

• MDH – Harter had a fun ride, spiking at $2.94 on July 21st, but like the rest of the world he came crashing down. He closed August 5th at $2.60, a twenty-seven cent drop from his previous $2.87 close on July 7th. On the plus side, Harter is still on the plus side for the year after opening at $2.16 on January 3rd.
• MAB – Bunk dropped twenty-nine cents since his July 7th close of $13.69, leaving him at $13.40 for you math-hating assholes. I would say this is because he still calls his wife his girlfriend, but then the world got itself into the shitter, so we’ll go with “market movement”. Bunk is also still positive for the year, when he opened at $13.03.
• MFL – Could introducing Blake to Hey Tell have a positive effect on his stock? No. He went from $13.58 down to $13.03, the biggest drop of all the Marks. I’m not saying the move to Chatham has anything to do with it. OK, I said it, so what? Mark is also up for the year, he opened at $12.75, proving once again it never hurts to put your money with the Marks.

– Notes on the site: I know, I can’t really be calling these “weekly” updates anymore if I’m not going to be posting weekly. I do try, though, but work is busy so there’s less time to read up on shit. Wednesday happy hours aren’t helping either. Neither do Tuesday dinners and thirsty Thursdays and pool beer pong. Such is life. You can help, if you’d like, by sending me any dumb shit you think should be put on here. Just email it to me at blakesupdate@gmail.com. Simple. You can also use Facebook or Twitter, if you’re a thirteen-year-old girl. On the other hand, this has been a good run of titties being shown in each update. Just saying.