Weekly Update.

– Tits! Sorry for not being so timely with my updates. Please accept my apology:  (Working Stiff 925)

– Boxing: The Action Heroes PPV last Saturday was really good. HBO has been replaying it (at least they did on HBO Latino on Friday night, and HBO Zone on Saturday night), so check that out to see this happen:

But it’s a sad boxing world for Blake. Andre Berto, my boy, lost for the first time. Victor Ortiz came out early and strong, dropping Berto in the first round. It didn’t look like Berto got his legs back until the sixth round, even though he knocked Ortiz down in the second. Round six was flat-out phenomenal with Berto winning 2 minutes and 45 seconds of it, but letting Victor’s left send him down right at the end of the round. Ortiz won by decision, elevating him into the Manny Pacquaio sweepstakes, while Berto showed once again that he does not quit.

– At least he’s honest: A lovely drunken voicemail to leave:  (The Daily What)

Summation: I fucked your sister, but it’s all good though.

– How dumb are you? Take the Pew (pew pew pew) Research Center News IQ Test hurr. According to my dad, if you get anything less than 6, you “must be retarded.” You’ve been warned. (What’s that? No, I got an 11 out of 11, but you knew that.)  (Carpe Diem)

– How long is your taint? The longer your taint, or anogenital distance, the more likely you are to have a higher sperm count. They researched it.  (Geekologie)

– How to get a guy’s attention as he fucks you: The Onion New Network had a great segment for ladies on “How To Get A Guy To Notice You While You’re Having Sex With Him“:  (The Onion’s twitter feed)

– Sluts! Canadian sluts, at that, eh. You can read why they took to the streets here, you can see the news report here:  (The Daily What)

– That was fun: How else do you follow taint, sex, and sluts? With a good ass shot. Oh, and I’m still sorry for missing a week… or two:  (Fuck Yeah Brazilian Girls)

– Copper sink: It may look like leather, but it’s not:  (Core77)

– There can be only one: Two stars become one:  (Discovery News)

– I’m your Pusha: Pusha T, from The Clipse, has a mixtape that you can, and should, download for free here. Money sent me the link and both of us love “Raid”, featuring Fifty Cent. While Fifty’s verse is alright, Pusha puts two solid verses out. I like the first one, Money likes the second. I like the first one for this line (couplet? whatever):

Every time a nigga wanna try and turn a profit

Folks rush in, three letters, and try to stop it

F-B-I-R, S-D-E-A

One letter short, but still mother fuck the D-A.

I like it because it’s stuck in my head and I’ve been saying it a lot, plus the “one letter short” works for the final two lines. The example Money would pull from the second verse is also solid:

Been lost their soul, they just waiting on the fire

Innocent faces with a shitload of priors

Something out of nothing, a team full of MacGyvers

Deep sea dive for the fishscale

Try to find a better price, man that ship sailed

Yeah, I love rap.  (Money)

– Mystery Science Theater 3000: The original cast is now touring the country as Cinematic Titantic and my dad, brother, and I saw them on Friday night. Well worth it. If you are unfamiliar with the concept, then please watch the following:

And if you have some time, you should watch the Pod People episode (the actual movie starts at 5:25ish).

– The Marks’ Financial Update:

• MDH – Harter had a much needed rise from $2.54 on March 31st to close at $2.70 on April 15th. This puts a stop to his slow death that started in mid-February, but he’s been known to give us false starts and stops before, so don’t get your hopes up that this signifies his turn around (every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming around).
• MAB – It’s been a steady decline for Bunk since March 8th’s $13.48 close and as of April 15th he’s looking at $12.62. He hasn’t been this low since the beginning of the year when he hit $12.50, and I’m no technician in this motherfucker, but his chart is not looking so hot. Perhaps some titties and steak will do a body good.
• MFL – Not one to be different, Mark Lee is also on a fall that could use some help. He gave us a fake out on April 1st and shot up 30 cents to $13.10, but he closed on April 15th at $12.55, from $12.85. Gain 30 cents then fall 60 cents. Yeah, I was really hoping I could get a Fifty Cent reference in there somewhere (minus there).

– Seriously, I’m sorry: (Fuck Yeah Brazilian Girls)

(You happy, Buchi? All my female readers can blame him.)