Monthly Archives: April 2011

(EDIT: I originally had “latex max” below. My dad axed me to change it.)

– Boxing: Nothing until May 7th’s Pacquiao versus Mosley, with an uninteresting undercard, like so many other Top Rank fights. Fuck you, Bob Arum.

– Mythbusters: In theory you could die from blue ice falling out of planes (aka frozen shit, urine, and toilet water) and you can also shoot a gun across a floor (and sand or gravel). Mission: Impossible never fooled anybody with a latex mask and Jason Bourne definitely didn’t blow up a house in around thirty seconds by burning a magazine in a toaster. If he took the right amount of time, however, he would have blown that fucker up. (That would entail using a better ignition source, letting the gas build up more, and setting up fans to get the right amount of air flow.) When it comes to a bomb’s shockwave, a table, a car, or a dumpster will all protect you at the furthest “death zone” (this means 10 feet from 3 pounds of C4, for example). Lastly, there’s no such thing as “liquid mountaineering“, but you knew you can’t walk on water.

– Media is so unbiased: “White House Assails Pakistan Effort on Militants,” said the New York Times. “U.S. Dials Back Criticism of Pakistan,” said the Wall Street Journal. The main difference seems to be that the WSJ says this:

The previous report, issued in September, bluntly accused Pakistan of avoiding “military engagements that would put it in direct conflict with Afghan Taliban or al Qaeda forces in North Waziristan,” and said “this is as much a political choice as it is a reflection of an under-resourced military prioritizing its targets.”

And the NYT says this about previous reports:

In the past, the administration has praised the Pakistani efforts to carry out offensive operations against Taliban and other insurgents in six of the seven tribal areas — all except North Waziristan — but has chided the civilian government and military high command to do more.

Either way, they could technically both be right. You can dial back criticism and still assail someone. 9 is loud, but a dial back from 10 (these go to 11).

– Mac users are douches: PC users prefer Pepsi, Jolt Cola, and Orange Crush; Mac users prefer San Pellegrino Limonata. PC users prefer heroes and patty melts; Mac users prefer hummus. Ugh. Click here for the infograph. (And yes, I use a Mac. I’m just not a dick about it.)  (Geekologie)

– Bianca La Russa: Tony’s daughter is now a Raiderette. Good for her:

And here’s a Google Image search for you, but it devolves pretty fast into Tony only pics.  (Bunk)

– How not to attract companies: Groups in D.C. are trying to get Walmart to sign a “community benefits agreement,” which includes a stipulation that Walmart “not ask job applicants about previous criminal convictions”. I love that one. Read the rest of the demands here.  (Carpe Diem)

– Underwater milestones: This shitty photo:

Is the first underwater color photo. See more underwater photo milestones here at NatGeo.  (Gizmodo)

– El Teide: Someone went up to Spain’s highest mountain and shot this sweet video:  (The World’s Best Ever)

– The End: I really wish I had more to put here, but it’s been a crazy couple of weeks for me, in life and at work, so I don’t have much to share. Unless you’d like to hear, well, read me bitch. I think I can put one more thing here…:

Brooklyn Decker in black and white never hurt. Especially topless.  (Working Stiff 925)

– Tits! Sorry for not being so timely with my updates. Please accept my apology:  (Working Stiff 925)

– Boxing: The Action Heroes PPV last Saturday was really good. HBO has been replaying it (at least they did on HBO Latino on Friday night, and HBO Zone on Saturday night), so check that out to see this happen:

But it’s a sad boxing world for Blake. Andre Berto, my boy, lost for the first time. Victor Ortiz came out early and strong, dropping Berto in the first round. It didn’t look like Berto got his legs back until the sixth round, even though he knocked Ortiz down in the second. Round six was flat-out phenomenal with Berto winning 2 minutes and 45 seconds of it, but letting Victor’s left send him down right at the end of the round. Ortiz won by decision, elevating him into the Manny Pacquaio sweepstakes, while Berto showed once again that he does not quit.

– At least he’s honest: A lovely drunken voicemail to leave:  (The Daily What)

Summation: I fucked your sister, but it’s all good though.

– How dumb are you? Take the Pew (pew pew pew) Research Center News IQ Test hurr. According to my dad, if you get anything less than 6, you “must be retarded.” You’ve been warned. (What’s that? No, I got an 11 out of 11, but you knew that.)  (Carpe Diem)

– How long is your taint? The longer your taint, or anogenital distance, the more likely you are to have a higher sperm count. They researched it.  (Geekologie)

– How to get a guy’s attention as he fucks you: The Onion New Network had a great segment for ladies on “How To Get A Guy To Notice You While You’re Having Sex With Him“:  (The Onion’s twitter feed)

– Sluts! Canadian sluts, at that, eh. You can read why they took to the streets here, you can see the news report here:  (The Daily What)

– That was fun: How else do you follow taint, sex, and sluts? With a good ass shot. Oh, and I’m still sorry for missing a week… or two:  (Fuck Yeah Brazilian Girls)

– Copper sink: It may look like leather, but it’s not:  (Core77)

– There can be only one: Two stars become one:  (Discovery News)

– I’m your Pusha: Pusha T, from The Clipse, has a mixtape that you can, and should, download for free here. Money sent me the link and both of us love “Raid”, featuring Fifty Cent. While Fifty’s verse is alright, Pusha puts two solid verses out. I like the first one, Money likes the second. I like the first one for this line (couplet? whatever):

Every time a nigga wanna try and turn a profit

Folks rush in, three letters, and try to stop it

F-B-I-R, S-D-E-A

One letter short, but still mother fuck the D-A.

I like it because it’s stuck in my head and I’ve been saying it a lot, plus the “one letter short” works for the final two lines. The example Money would pull from the second verse is also solid:

Been lost their soul, they just waiting on the fire

Innocent faces with a shitload of priors

Something out of nothing, a team full of MacGyvers

Deep sea dive for the fishscale

Try to find a better price, man that ship sailed

Yeah, I love rap.  (Money)

– Mystery Science Theater 3000: The original cast is now touring the country as Cinematic Titantic and my dad, brother, and I saw them on Friday night. Well worth it. If you are unfamiliar with the concept, then please watch the following:

And if you have some time, you should watch the Pod People episode (the actual movie starts at 5:25ish).

– The Marks’ Financial Update:

• MDH – Harter had a much needed rise from $2.54 on March 31st to close at $2.70 on April 15th. This puts a stop to his slow death that started in mid-February, but he’s been known to give us false starts and stops before, so don’t get your hopes up that this signifies his turn around (every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming around).
• MAB – It’s been a steady decline for Bunk since March 8th’s $13.48 close and as of April 15th he’s looking at $12.62. He hasn’t been this low since the beginning of the year when he hit $12.50, and I’m no technician in this motherfucker, but his chart is not looking so hot. Perhaps some titties and steak will do a body good.
• MFL – Not one to be different, Mark Lee is also on a fall that could use some help. He gave us a fake out on April 1st and shot up 30 cents to $13.10, but he closed on April 15th at $12.55, from $12.85. Gain 30 cents then fall 60 cents. Yeah, I was really hoping I could get a Fifty Cent reference in there somewhere (minus there).

– Seriously, I’m sorry: (Fuck Yeah Brazilian Girls)

(You happy, Buchi? All my female readers can blame him.)

(WARNING: No naked chicks below.)

– Boxing: It’s rumored that Floyd Mayweather Jr asked for $100 million to fight Manny Pacquiao. This is according to Bob Arum, who’s a lying cunt, so who knows the veracity of this, but worth noting. Other than that we have a solid lineup of fights in April starting with Erik Morales vs Marcos Maidana on the 9th (HBO PPV), with a Robert Guerrero vs Michael Katsidis undercard, followed the next week by Andre Berto and Victor Ortiz getting it on, no homo, on regular HBO. That should hold us over until May 7th when Manny Pacquaio fights old man Mosley.

– Wooden jerseys: Some dude in Rhode Island makes uniforms out of wood. He’s done the Celtics and the Patriots, including sneakers (for Celts) and a helmet (for Pats, duh). Looking at the finished product it’s hard to tell that it is in fact wood, but it is.  (Uni Watch)

– Futbol: In case you care, the US Soccer team has leaked its third jersey:  (Uni Watch)

– Looking for a condo? Want to move to Australia? Here, watch this and then I bet you’ll want to:  (Ces)

– As I slooshied, I knew such lovely pictures: So Stanley Kubrick was a pretty damn good photographer before being a pretty damn good director. I love the contrast between these two pics:  (Coyote Blog)

– Huntin’ wabbits: Don’t you hate when deer see your beer belt and run away before you can shoot Bambi in the face? Me too. That’s why you need the camouflage beer belt:  (Ces)

– Cliffhanger: Want to be the best rock climber? First off, you’re gonna need to remove your feet and add some goat hooves… seriously. And then you should pick up this knife designed by a rock climber:  (goats, Core77; knife, Gizmodo)

Which should make you ready to climb Everest, with a nice gay rainbow for you:  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Yeah, so not creepy: If you’d like a quilt made of woman’s underwear, then you should contact this guy: (The World’s Best)

– $50,000 Formula 1 steering wheel: The best quote on this wheel is from Nick Heidfeld, driver for the Lotus Renault team, who says “the fuck-up potential is extremely high”. Here’s what it looks like:

And here’s what the drivers can do with it:  (Gizmodo)

Buttons and toggle switches control on-off functions, from this year’s adjustable rear wing to engaging neutral gear. The dials can be used to vary torque, differentials, brakes, clutches, engine rev limits and anything else a team can dream up. The display on top relays shifting point alerts and messages from race managers, and if the drivers need to hydrate while in the cockpit, they can even control their in-helmet beverage system with the “drink” button.The revival of the KERS hybrid system has also added a button and dial back to the controls — and FIA also only allows the adjustable rear wing to be deployed in certain places along the track.

– Sweet drawing: Right?

Wrong. It’s stitching.  (Core77)

– Improve your cellphone signal: At least if it’s a smartphone. Just put it in a glass.  (Lifehacker)

– The beautiful game: I haven’t played foosball since Money and I were running shit in college, but this has to be the nicest foosball table I’ve ever seen:  (Engadget)

– “Andrew Myers Screws People to Make Portraits”: That’s the headline Core77 decided to run with for this piece of art made up of screws:  (Core77)

– The Marks Financial Update: I’m still doing this? Hells yeah. So what if it’s been a month… fuck, I am lazy.

• MFL – Mark Lee had a solid gain from March 11th to March 28th when he went from $12.50 to a high of $13.08, then investors remembered that GiGi (GeeGee? GG? G-G? Jee Jee?) will soon be coming to take her condo back. That’s why he closed the month at $12.85, which is up from his March 4th close of $12.61, but clearly down from his high (stoner).
• MDH – Harter had a slow month, just moving from $2.67 down to $2.54, but of course he had to have some fun between those days. It’s not just Molly that loves Harter on payday, investors also showed him love by bumping him up from $2.55 to $2.75 on March 15th. Alas, he couldn’t hang on started his decline the next day.
• MAB – Bunk gradually declined from his March 4th close of $13.50 down to $12.66 to finish March like a slaughtered lamb. He did go six days were he stayed within three cents of $13, so that was really exciting. Or not. Very not. Anyway, Bunk looks to start rebounding in April, we hope.