Weekly Update.

– New unis for the Bills: And about fucking time.  Those hideous monochromatic, dark blue unis will be gone next year, replaced by an OJ Simpson-era fauxback (a fake throwback, get it?) with white helmets.  (Uni Watch)

– Yay boobs: The World’s Best Ever put a compilation of boob shots from SI models in celebration of the coming swimsuit issue.  Enjoy:  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Beer: The world’s strongest beer is selling in the UK for £55, however be careful: one gulp and you won’t be legal to drive.  Beer batter is better, now scientifically proven to make your meals tastier.  (The Daily What)

– Captain America, fuck yeah! Have you seen the trailer for the Captain America movie?  This isn’t the official one:  (Gizmodo)

– DIY nose job: It’s the world’s cheapest nose job:  (Gizmodo)

– Shaving helmet: If you rock a chrome-dome, this is the device for you:  (Gearlog)

– Tanzanian Commando: Watch this cute little fucker retell the classic tale of John Matrix and his quest to bring back his daughter, Jenny (played by a young Alyssa Milano).  (The Daily What)

– Knives: I know chefs are very particular about their cutlery (hell yeah I knew that word without looking… wait, does that word mean what I think it means?… yes), but I don’t know about the cutting ability of these badasses:  (Core77)

– Ferris Bueller: Ferris attended the June 5th, 1985 Cubs vs. Braves baseball game, while Matthew Broderick and film crew attended the September 24th, 1985 Expos game. Read how this works out here. (Wired)

– Donnie Baseball: Pick this shirt up here:  (The World’s Best Ever)

– Oh, rat farts! Apparently electric vehicles are inviting to rats.  (Fast Company)

– Outlawed farts: Does this read like a law that bans flatulence?:

Any person who vitiates the atmosphere in any place so as to make it noxious to the public to the health of persons in general dwelling or carrying on business in the neighbourhood or passing along a public way shall be guilty of a misdemeanour.

One lawyer, being all lawyery, claims it does.  Others say it’s an air pollution bill.  Either way, if you’re in Malawi, fart carefully.  (Wooten)

– Discrimination to fight discrimination: Ah, the good ol’ gender gap.  Wonder what changes in legislation we’ll get due to these recent figures:  (Carpe Diem)

– Really, women? This is what you do to yourself all day?  (Gizmodo)

– V-day Origins: Want to kick Valentine’s Day old school?  Cool, go get the goat to sacrifice and then turn around, baby, and take this lashing like you know it’ll make you fertile.  What?  I’m only using the hides of the goat we just killed.  Funny, never had that explained to me on a Hallmark card.  (The Daily What)

– Breakups to makeups: If you need to fix a heart, the U of A (ahem, THE University of Arizona) has come up with a new, more effective CPR.  Suck it, ASU:  (Dad)

– Guns: Look how destruction guns can be to a sheet of metal:

Sorry, that’s me being a dick because the artist, Walton Creel, is intending to “deweaponize” the gun.  In fact, his “main goal was to take the destructive power away from the gun.”  The series is called “Deweaponizing the Gun.”  (Look mom, a squirrel!)  (Core77)

– High speed is always better: This is a cool video:  (Gizmodo)

– Sexy links: Like girls with tats? Go here.  Like big asses?  Here.  Want to play “guess her muff”?  HereThis Tumblr site just has good naked chicks and this Tumblr site is for bosoms.  Here’s a “bosom” sample:  (all links NSFW, all via Kissing Suzy Kolber)

– Yup, this is my father: At first I thought, “oh hell yeah, the dude smuggling drugs into prison via his foreskin is definitely the article to pick for this.”  Yeah, I’mma let that sink in.  OK.  But no, he tops that.  My dad sent an email to my work address with the subject “have a nice puke”, with one of those links that basically describe what you are going to see.  I clicked it anyway, because fuck it, and got a “SurfControl” block at work.  I responded to my dad by saying “probably the only SurfControl I’m thankful for.”  So what does he do?  Sends that link right to my Gmail, because dammit, son, you need to watch this chick stick her fingers down the back of her pants, then bring said fingers directly into her mouth.  Or as the title of the YouTube video says “poop muncher woman.3GP“.  (Wait, maybe it should have been the transsexual flight attendants for the Thai airline, PC Air.)  (Dad)

– The Marks’ Financial Update:

  • MFL – Can you say “momentum play”?  Of course you can.  This BOSS keeps on trucking on the upside, starting at $12.50 and closing at $12.63.  Investors knew that the initial downswing to start the year ($12.60 to $11.83) was just another buying opportunity in the life of Mark Lee.
  • MAB – If I’m a doctor looking at Bunk’s chart, I’d say he died.  First he flat-lined from his $13.21 start, had a blip to $13.29 that was followed by a sink to $13.14, only to be followed by yet another blip, this time to $13.31, then a crash to $12.99 to close the two-week period.  Bunk: You were a great friend, and you will be truly missed.  Do I get the beach house?
  • MDH – Harter is back to his roller-coaster ways.  Even though he finished down only three cents, he could have been up twenty cents when he hit $3.10 on February 9th.  Two days later he’s at $2.90, down from the initial $2.93, wondering a-wha-happen’?  Life, man.  Life happened.
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