Weekly Update.

(WARNING: No naked chicks below)

– Boxing: Manny “Uhhhhhhhhhh” Pacquiao shutout Joshua “Why Throw A Punch?” Clottey on March 13th at Cowgirls Stadium.  I knew the fight would be boring and that the undercard would suck.  It was and it did.  The only good parts were when the HBO crew (Lampley, Kellerman, and Steward) ripped Bob Arum for putting on such a shitty undercard.

• Manny says he “came this far in my boxing career without Mayweather, so I see no need to call him out.”  Then he continued with: “He needs me to bolster his career.”  Really Manny?  You fought Cotto last year, considered a popular fighter, and Mayweather fought Juan Manuel Marquez.  Mayweather almost doubled your PPV sales.  Who needs who?  (Ain’t nobody told you?)  (ESPN)
• Wladi-dadi Klitschko KO’d Eddie Chambers on Saturday in 12 rounds.  We await a David Haye vs. either Klitschko brother so we can finally have a good heavyweight fight.  (ESPN)
• March 27th will be the shit – we got Marcos Maidana, who knows how to knock fools out with a 27-1-0 record and 26 of those wins by KO.  Also on the same card is the rematch between bean pole Ali Funeka (135lbs at 6’1″) and Joan Guzman.  The last fight was fantastic so this should be too.  Then over on Shotime you have the next rounds of the Super Six World Boxing Classic with Arthur Abraham vs. Andre Dirrell.

– Should I not buy health insurance now? According to this chart from the LA Times, it looks like it would be cheaper to pay the fine ($695 or 2.5% of my income) then to pay for actual insurance (individuals making roughly $44,000 would pay around $2,500 to $4,000 with subsidies).  “But Blake!  You need insurance!!”  Whatever,  I also need money.  And now that I can’t be denied for a pre-existing condition, couldn’t I just get insurance when I need it?  If you disagree, please feel free to debate in the comments.

– Texting and driving: Or, textin’ and ballin’:  (Wooten)

– 4,000 years ago: People were obsessed with dicks.  They just found some mummies whose tombstones were large phallic symbols.  But get this: the women were buried with wooden dildos in their graves.  (Boing Boing)

– Is this a dope bookstore or what? Buenos Aires Libreria El Ateneo Grand Splendid:  (Boing Boing)

– Let the iPhone takeover your life: Store all your store-cards into your iPhone, basically negating a need for a wallet.  And here 25 things you can remotely control with your iPhone.  I use the iTunes remote, since it’s ballin’.  (Gizmodo)

– Let’s make everyone the same height: Maybe this will be the Progessives’ next movement.  In fact, if they do take up this mountainous issue then they might get Wooten to join them.  This is actually from 1997, so I’m sorry if you’ve seen this before:  (core77)

– See the Packers’ throwback jersey for this coming year? I mean, interesting I guess with the circled numbers.  Just looks too… collegey?  (Uni Watch)

– Life: Everyone watch it on Sunday night?  The video they capture is amazing.  Love the slow-motion shots.  Nothing freaks me out more then when they zoom in on insects, they are just alien to me.  And creepy.  Very creepy.  I’m undecided on how I feel about Oprah narrating.  Is that because I know who it is?

– The Marks’ Financial Update:

• MAB – Two weeks ago Bunk was standing at $14.57, which was a month-long slide from $15.29.  On Tuesday, March 9th, Bunk hit rock bottom.  Look, it’s not my fault I pass along some rather racy links to Bunk, Jaime, so no need to take it out on him (come on, sexy maids?  They aren’t even that sexy).  Once investors saw that everything was A-OK on the home front, Bunk crawled up to end last week at $14.71.
• MDH – From $2.o5 suicide to $2.28 don’t-be-late (so lame, I know), Harter seems to be making moves.  Those moves seem to be at Bunk’s expense since Harter hit his high of $2.34 on March 9th, the same day Bunk was hurting.  Harter came down on the 11th, to $2.11 (coincidence?? no.), probably after losing in the finals for his hockey league.  Maybe next game you can start the fight, Harter?
• MFL – Oh wow, Mark Lee was up $0.04 these last two weeks, moving from $13.20 to $13.24.  It’s a pretty flat line he has going over those two weeks.  That line would be for the year if it wasn’t for the one dip down to $12.75 on February 22nd.  I think this talk of suburbs is having investors wait him out.  When the hammer drops, we’ll see if they like it or not.

And now the reason for the delayed Update:

– What you missed: Blake in Vegas. What you really missed was the new vocab I picked up.

• The first is GUNT, which is a harsher way to say FUPA.  If you can’t figure it out, it’s gut + cunt.  You may also use G-Unit to describe a pack of Gunts, and also any member of G-Unit.  The biggest gunt should receive the 50-Cent moniker.
• To describe ass/back-thigh “cottage cheese”, say “it looks like she sat on gravel for five years.”
• Two new impersonations for Blake with the “I’m CROSSIN’ HERE!” guy and Grant, the loud talking gay-waiter who hit on Brutus.  “YOU LOOK LIKE A BIG GUY, THOSE LETTUCE WRAPS SHOULD FILL YOU UP.”
• If something is beneath you (metaphorically), say that thing is for peasants/poor people (depending on how beneath you it is).  For instance, Arizona turned down the CBI because the CBI is for peasants.  ASU is for poor people.
• This is an old one, but we were really using the snake oil salesman line on shady characters.  Like Bo Ryan.
• Hopefully I’m not missing any of the other good ones.  My brain is fried though, so Money and Ross, I know you guys read this so use the comments below for what I’m missing.

– What I missed: The Zona crew.  I hadn’t hung out with this crew in six years, though I had seen three of them since graduation.  In attendance were KROLL! (though it is quickly turning into Kimmie), Brutus, Seth, Demner (pronounced “demnah”), Money, Needle, and, yours truly, Chatty.  That’s the biggest difference between C-Town and Zona.  In C-Town we all go by our last names.  In Zona, everyone had a nickname.  I guess when about 60 of you are told to hang out, it becomes much easier to grab a nickname.  I am Chatty because they had to know I was from Chatham, so they called me Chatham.  Then Chatsworth.  Then Chatty, for short.  KRoll started getting called Kimmy this weekend while watching Mizzou’s player Kim English.  Seth (whose real name is Brian Savitch) loves calling KRoll Cookie, so clearly Kimmie was a natural move.  So after three handles, a bath tub full of beer and ice, and countless wagers, our weekend can be summed up like this: We drank, we drank and gambled, we drank and ate, we drank and went to the hot tub, we drank and went to a sports bar, we drank and watched the tourney, and we drank and all went home.

Oh, and a final shout out to KRoll and Demner for completing my transition to craps.  Got that taste back in August during the Moonti League Fantasy Draft of 2009, and boy was I craving the game in Vegas.  Good stuff.