Monthly Archives: March 2010

Weekly Update.

– Corrections: Last week I said that Floyd Mayweather Jr’s fight against Juan Manuel Marquez “almost doubled” Manny Pacquiao’s fight against Miguel Cotto on PPV sales.  Pac-Man/Cotto actually outsold Mayweather/Marquez 1.25 million to 1 million.  A better barometer would have been Floyd and Manny’s fights versus Ricky Hatton.  Mayweather’s fight had 850,000 buys vs. 825,000 for Pacquiao’s.

  • The second correction comes from two weeks ago when I said Lehigh had made the tournament for the fourth straight year.  It was actually just their fourth time.  This was pointed out to me by an American University grad, so fuck American U.

– Boxing: Recap of Saturday night’s action:

  • Joan Guzman came in 9 pounds overweight for his rematch against Ali Funeka, and ended up winning in a split decision.  Funeka got robbed last time they fought (it was a draw), and got fucked this time as Guzman was a welterweight and not a lightweight.  Funeka did receive $25,000 from Guzman for the weight violation.
  • Arthur Abraham got DQ’d against Andre Dirrell for hitting (and knocking out) Dirrell after he slipped on the canvas in the 11th round.  Dirrell was in a corner on his knees when Abraham waited then threw a punch that KO’d Dirrell.  Pretty shitty.  Dirrell would have won anyway since he was winning on cards and Abraham had a nasty cut on his eye.
  • Marcos Maidana used a short, right uppercut to the solar plexus to knockout Victor Cayo in 6.  Maidana is now 28-1-0 with 27 KOs.  Please watch this man fight.  HBO will be replaying the fight.

– Zipline commute: Kids in Colombia take the “flying fox” instead of a bus in their remote village to get to school.  It makes walking through “The Path” to Wickham Woods after sunset a breeze.  (Boing Boing)

– Dog eats car: At least the bumper of a cop’s car.  The dog ended up going to obedience classes.  (Boing Boing)

– The Overvaluing of our Presidents: No matter people’s political affiliation, they love claiming that their type of President is better than your type of President, and that their type of President’s dad could so beat up your type of President’s dad.  Usually they start quoting economic figures and unemployment rates.  These people clearly do not understand the actual power of the President.  According to Article II, Section 2 of our Constitution, the President’s powers are laid out in three parts:

  • First, he is commander in chief and can pardon or grant reprieves “for offenses against the United States, except in cases of impeachment.”
  • Second, with the consent and two thirds of the Senate present to concur, the President can make treaties.  Also in this point, he can nominate ambassadors and judges, just as long as the Senate is OK with them.
  • The third point of power for the President is he gets to “fill up all vacancies that may happen during the recess of the Senate, by granting commissions which shall expire at the end of their next session.”  (I wrote this part before hearing Obama announced 15 appointments.)

Section 3 of Article II allows the President to address the Union, “recommend to their consideration” an agenda, oh and he gets to adjourn or convene both Houses.  Sweet.  Do you see job creation in his powers?  The writing of bills or laws?  Nope.  That’s congress, and congress is pretty split when it comes to job growth/market performance.  (Just looking since 1988, of the 10 best performance years of the S&P 500, five of those were with Republican majority and five with Democratic.  I could look further back, but from 1933 to 1981 Republicans only had 1 year.  This is called “skewed data”. )  The best way to view the President of the United States is as our top ambassador and military leader.  Seriously, John Adams thought no country was going to aid us in our revolution if we didn’t put forth some sort of “king”, but none of the founders (Adams included) wanted to be ruled by a king again.  (Fun fact: John Adams argued for three months over which title should be given to our President.  He didn’t think “Mr. President” was enough.)

– Question of the week: Where the fuck were you people?  Only 3 out of 10 people surveyed said their portfolios have risen over the past year.  The S&P 500 has been up 73%, and only 30% of us are up?  Yeesh.  That’s what we call “money on the sidelines”.  (Dad)

– Sorry, didn’t mean to scold you: Here, have a Brazilian (V is for Victory):  (fuck yeah brazilian girls)

– Bardon’s Boulder: Ces commented on this pic of Bardon’s that I shared on Reader last fall, but I like it so I’m posting it here for the first time:

– Fast food robbery: First off, which fast food joint would you rob?  And second, what would you steal from them?  Did you answer “Taco Bell” and “fried apple pies”?  No?  Well these winners did.  (Brosnan)

– Leather art: Mark Evans takes a knife to leather to make art.  (Boing Boing)

– Tiny Art Director: An artists let’s his five year old daughter tell him what to make then critiques it.  It’s cute, funny, and some good art.  Yes, this is to make up for the naked chick above to my female readers.  Hi, ladies.

– The Droid has shitty touch recognition: Harter’s been getting a lot of wins recently for his Droid (NFL Network, namely), but iPhone wins out on the touchscreen test.  So suck it.  (Engadget)

– How to avoid breast cancer: Put down the Twinkie and work out.  (Yahoo! News)

– High speed photography: Some other great shots here.  Here’s a hot chick:  (hongkiat)

– Tech to give sight to blind: “[M]erging retinal nerves with electrodes to stimulate cell growth” could help blind people.  (Institute of Nanotechnology)

– Neil Gaiman on the Oscars: He puts the “scary-sweet plastic surgery faces” line in this journal he did for Guardian, entitled “A nobody’s guide to the Oscars”.

– I’m more likely to go out than you are: Unless you’re a “gamer”, too.  New survey says “gamers are more likely than non-gamers to go out to eat, check out movies and hit the dating scene”.  Also, “[m]ore than half of gamers (57%) say they are the first one asked by family and friends about the latest video game releases, movie releases, TV shows to watch and their opinion on electronics and computers.”  Hmm, sounds familiar.  Anyway, I think Wooten would disagree about this study based on his experience, but he owns a console so he technically is a gamer in this survey.  Proving once again, surveys are typically bullshit.  (Ben)

– Hey, Blake, where is the HD Biosciences building in Shanghai? Since you won’t believe me, here’s the map:  (Jimmy)

– Twitter update: Blake has 33 followers (down from 34). My personal favorite was “You know what Census? Fuck you. You got my SSN, you figure out where I live. Stop mailing me shit.”

– Tweet of the week: ProFootballFocus is a great source for football stats.  They have a bunch of guys rewatch games to get more accurate stats.  Check their website here. Anyway, they were analyzing pay-per-snaps.  How you think fatty JaMarcus Russell did?

“Big Jamarcus Russell ‘earned’ himself $20,099.00 per snap, that’s a cool $45,753.82 per completed pass. Ouch”

– What you missed: Mythbusters is back on.  But it’s cool, you got me.  You can’t: hang on to a ledge by your fingertips indefinitely, kill someone by throwing a slushie onto a highway.  You can: grab onto a helicopter and drag yourself in, kill someone on the highway by using a cannon to shoot a can of soda through a windshield.

– What I missed: L-Boogey aka Loren Woods.  He’s still playing professional basketball, just not in the NBA.  He’s playing for a team in Tehran, Iran.  Anybody speak Persian?  If so can you tell me what Woods’ stats are?  Thanks.  For those not familiar with Loren Woods, he was Zona’s tall and lanky center on the team that lost in the 2001 Championship game to Dook and a bunch of refs.  By the way, that game included Richard Jefferson, Gilbert Arenas, Luke Walton, Shane Battier, Jay Williams, Carlos Boozer, Mike Dunleavy, and Chris Duhon.  Throw in Michael Wright and Loren Woods, and that’s 11 players drafted out of that game.  (You probably don’t remember Michael Wright unless you’re a Knick fan, but he was our “enforcer”, if you will.)

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Weekly Update.

(WARNING: No naked chicks below)

– Boxing: Manny “Uhhhhhhhhhh” Pacquiao shutout Joshua “Why Throw A Punch?” Clottey on March 13th at Cowgirls Stadium.  I knew the fight would be boring and that the undercard would suck.  It was and it did.  The only good parts were when the HBO crew (Lampley, Kellerman, and Steward) ripped Bob Arum for putting on such a shitty undercard.

  • Manny says he “came this far in my boxing career without Mayweather, so I see no need to call him out.”  Then he continued with: “He needs me to bolster his career.”  Really Manny?  You fought Cotto last year, considered a popular fighter, and Mayweather fought Juan Manuel Marquez.  Mayweather almost doubled your PPV sales.  Who needs who?  (Ain’t nobody told you?)  (ESPN)
  • Wladi-dadi Klitschko KO’d Eddie Chambers on Saturday in 12 rounds.  We await a David Haye vs. either Klitschko brother so we can finally have a good heavyweight fight.  (ESPN)
  • March 27th will be the shit – we got Marcos Maidana, who knows how to knock fools out with a 27-1-0 record and 26 of those wins by KO.  Also on the same card is the rematch between bean pole Ali Funeka (135lbs at 6’1″) and Joan Guzman.  The last fight was fantastic so this should be too.  Then over on Shotime you have the next rounds of the Super Six World Boxing Classic with Arthur Abraham vs. Andre Dirrell.

– Should I not buy health insurance now? According to this chart from the LA Times, it looks like it would be cheaper to pay the fine ($695 or 2.5% of my income) then to pay for actual insurance (individuals making roughly $44,000 would pay around $2,500 to $4,000 with subsidies).  “But Blake!  You need insurance!!”  Whatever,  I also need money.  And now that I can’t be denied for a pre-existing condition, couldn’t I just get insurance when I need it?  If you disagree, please feel free to debate in the comments.

– Texting and driving: Or, textin’ and ballin’:  (Wooten)

– 4,000 years ago: People were obsessed with dicks.  They just found some mummies whose tombstones were large phallic symbols.  But get this: the women were buried with wooden dildos in their graves.  (Boing Boing)

– Is this a dope bookstore or what? Buenos Aires Libreria El Ateneo Grand Splendid:  (Boing Boing)

– Let the iPhone takeover your life: Store all your store-cards into your iPhone, basically negating a need for a wallet.  And here 25 things you can remotely control with your iPhone.  I use the iTunes remote, since it’s ballin’.  (Gizmodo)

– Let’s make everyone the same height: Maybe this will be the Progessives’ next movement.  In fact, if they do take up this mountainous issue then they might get Wooten to join them.  This is actually from 1997, so I’m sorry if you’ve seen this before:  (core77)

– See the Packers’ throwback jersey for this coming year? I mean, interesting I guess with the circled numbers.  Just looks too… collegey?  (Uni Watch)

– Life: Everyone watch it on Sunday night?  The video they capture is amazing.  Love the slow-motion shots.  Nothing freaks me out more then when they zoom in on insects, they are just alien to me.  And creepy.  Very creepy.  I’m undecided on how I feel about Oprah narrating.  Is that because I know who it is?

– The Marks’ Financial Update:

  • MAB – Two weeks ago Bunk was standing at $14.57, which was a month-long slide from $15.29.  On Tuesday, March 9th, Bunk hit rock bottom.  Look, it’s not my fault I pass along some rather racy links to Bunk, Jaime, so no need to take it out on him (come on, sexy maids?  They aren’t even that sexy).  Once investors saw that everything was A-OK on the home front, Bunk crawled up to end last week at $14.71.
  • MDH – From $2.o5 suicide to $2.28 don’t-be-late (so lame, I know), Harter seems to be making moves.  Those moves seem to be at Bunk’s expense since Harter hit his high of $2.34 on March 9th, the same day Bunk was hurting.  Harter came down on the 11th, to $2.11 (coincidence?? no.), probably after losing in the finals for his hockey league.  Maybe next game you can start the fight, Harter?
  • MFL – Oh wow, Mark Lee was up $0.04 these last two weeks, moving from $13.20 to $13.24.  It’s a pretty flat line he has going over those two weeks.  That line would be for the year if it wasn’t for the one dip down to $12.75 on February 22nd.  I think this talk of suburbs is having investors wait him out.  When the hammer drops, we’ll see if they like it or not.

And now the reason for the delayed Update:

– What you missed: Blake in Vegas. What you really missed was the new vocab I picked up.

  • The first is GUNT, which is a harsher way to say FUPA.  If you can’t figure it out, it’s gut + cunt.  You may also use G-Unit to describe a pack of Gunts, and also any member of G-Unit.  The biggest gunt should receive the 50-Cent moniker.
  • To describe ass/back-thigh “cottage cheese”, say “it looks like she sat on gravel for five years.”
  • Two new impersonations for Blake with the “I’m CROSSIN’ HERE!” guy and Grant, the loud talking gay-waiter who hit on Brutus.  “YOU LOOK LIKE A BIG GUY, THOSE LETTUCE WRAPS SHOULD FILL YOU UP.”
  • If something is beneath you (metaphorically), say that thing is for peasants/poor people (depending on how beneath you it is).  For instance, Arizona turned down the CBI because the CBI is for peasants.  ASU is for poor people.
  • This is an old one, but we were really using the snake oil salesman line on shady characters.  Like Bo Ryan.
  • Hopefully I’m not missing any of the other good ones.  My brain is fried though, so Money and Ross, I know you guys read this so use the comments below for what I’m missing.

– What I missed: The Zona crew.  I hadn’t hung out with this crew in six years, though I had seen three of them since graduation.  In attendance were KROLL! (though it is quickly turning into Kimmie), Brutus, Seth, Demner (pronounced “demnah”), Money, Needle, and, yours truly, Chatty.  That’s the biggest difference between C-Town and Zona.  In C-Town we all go by our last names.  In Zona, everyone had a nickname.  I guess when about 60 of you are told to hang out, it becomes much easier to grab a nickname.  I am Chatty because they had to know I was from Chatham, so they called me Chatham.  Then Chatsworth.  Then Chatty, for short.  KRoll started getting called Kimmy this weekend while watching Mizzou’s player Kim English.  Seth (whose real name is Brian Savitch) loves calling KRoll Cookie, so clearly Kimmie was a natural move.  So after three handles, a bath tub full of beer and ice, and countless wagers, our weekend can be summed up like this: We drank, we drank and gambled, we drank and ate, we drank and went to the hot tub, we drank and went to a sports bar, we drank and watched the tourney, and we drank and all went home.

Oh, and a final shout out to KRoll and Demner for completing my transition to craps.  Got that taste back in August during the Moonti League Fantasy Draft of 2009, and boy was I craving the game in Vegas.  Good stuff.

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Weekly Update.

(WARNING: No naked chicks below)

– Boxing: Manny Pacquiao fights Joshua Clottey tonight in the Cowgirls’ stadium for Pac-Man’s WBO welterweight title.

– Axes: When Ces sent me this link I could have sworn I had posted it in one of the emails back in November.  I didn’t.  You can buy a nice axe here via Best Made Company.  Like you wouldn’t just start breaking down doors with this:  (Ces)

– Shoot some sticks: This pool table is cool, but it’s not the pool table.  The effects are made by a projector in the ceiling.  Still, looks cool as shit:

– Help the Homeless Shelter of Hoboken: At the A&P around 6th and Clinton, there should be someone representing the Homeless Shelter who will give you a list of supplies.  You go in, buy those supplies, then donate them to the shelter when you come outside.  As Wooten says, this is the perfect combination of shame and convenience.  (Wooten)

– And help the kids, too: So Sharon (Mark’s Sharon) was grading her students’ papers from their recent class trip to the bank.  She said everything was going fine until this gem popped up from one of her female students:

– Paint by numbers toilet paper: Though judging by the key at the bottom, it’ll all be one color:  (Geekologie)

– Am I getting jealous of Verizon customers? They are going to get NFL Mobile on their phones.  This will allow them to watch the RedZone Channel on the go, stream the draft, Saturday night, and Thursday night games.  Fuck you, Harter.  (Engadget)

– Smoke rings: Hey Blake, what happens if a red smoke ring and a blue smoke ring collide?  Well funny you should ask:  (Boing Boing)

– 5 Phone Apps For College: I like the “Roommate Near Alarm” and the “Dollar Menu Generator”.  It’s from College Humor so unfortunately these aren’t real.  (College Humor)

– Reflection Eternal: DJ Hi-Tek and Talib Kweli are teaming back up for the first time since 2000.  Here’s their first video.  (Wooten)

– Chatham rumor mill: According to Karmel’s dad’s girlfriend’s neighbor (seriously Karmel?), Coach Todd Irving was a flight attendant prior to being a teacher in the Chathams.  This led to some good Irving stories last night, and I still remember him putting me in the middle of the dark gym in the morning before 8th grade because I was “acting up” in the hallways.  He made me sit on a chair at mid-court.  I think I then started to push myself around the gym on said chair.

– The Pacific: The HBO mini-series premieres tomorrow night.  Don’t let this end up on “What you missed” next week.

– Life: No, not the shitty Eddie Murphy movie, but basically Planet Earth: The Sequel.  This premieres next Sunday night (March 21st) on Discovery.  The narrator is Oprah though.

– Americans be thriving: With all the doom and gloom news, or something, about 54% of Americans classify their lives as “thriving.”  Yeah, I know, but it was a slow week so that’s why this gets in:  (Gallup)

– Twitter update: Blake has 34 followers (up from 33).  No RTs, no mentions.  I didn’t even have a tweet from myself that I liked.

– Tweet of the week: I admit, this one isn’t funny.  It comes from author Neil Gaiman (neilhimself), a staple in the Blake Household.  Gaiman is kinda the reason I know I actually suck as a writer.  I would probably have written something like “holy shit, bitches got faces pulled tight up hurr.”  Anyway, this is one of his tweets from the Oscars.  I love how “scary-sweet plastic surgery faces” sounds:

“I am up on the mezzanine level. There are lots of ladies with scary-sweet plastic surgery faces and elderly husbands up here.”

– What you missed: Larry Johnson signed with the Redskins.  What’s most surprising?  That back on November 10th, I tweet this to Adam Schefter (Adam_Schefter) of ESPN Insider fame:

@Adam_Schefter you know LJ’s going to skins. Portis and Betts banged up? Gotta be the leaders.

– What I missed: The NCAA Basketball Tournament.  I know, I know, it hasn’t happened yet.  But for the first time since 1985, the University of Arizona will not be participating.  The only team in the tourney for the Blakes to root for is Papa Blake’s alma mater Lehigh.  On the plus side, Lehigh is on their 4th in a row, so 21 more years and they’ll tie Arizona’s.

– Notes on the site: Next week the Update will be delayed due to Blake being in Vegas.  Hopefully I’ll post it on Monday.

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