On Saturday I was witness to the worst robbery I’ve seen in an extremely long time. I live in New York so this is really saying something. Looking back on it I personally felt violated for having taken part in watching this occur. Alas, there was nothing I could do to stop it nor report it. By the time it was over my jaw was down to my knees and my head was shaking more than a bobblehead. Shit, I looked like a porn star servicing three dicks at once. (Come on, just drop your jaw and start shaking your head… see?) Other witnesses were as dumb founded as I was and were calling for the culprits’ heads. It was that bad.
I’m talking, if you didn’t know, about Ali Funeka getting a majority draw for his boxing match against Joan “I-Always-Dye-My-Tape-Red…” Guzman. Funeka broke Guzman’s nose, cut his face (on replay this was due to a headbutt, but the ref ruled it a punch), and boxed squared-circles around him. Even in the first two rounds that were clearly Guzman’s, Funeka set the stage for the rest of the fight. He picked Guzman apart with his jab (did I mention Funeka is a 6’1″ 134lbs boxer?) and made the smaller Guzman (again, Funeka is 6’1″) look like shit. HBO aired the fight and their unofficial judge, Harold Lederman, had it 117-111 in favor of Funeka. That’s 9 rounds to 3. The real judge had it 116-112 (fine) while the two monkeys sitting ringside had it 114-114. Unreal. The last draw that got me this mad was Lennox Lewis vs. Evander Holyfield I. At least that had a chick judge to blame. Wait, the two monkeys were Canadians? Well there you go.
Now let’s not claim that a bad judging like this one is “ruining boxing.” Anytime you have people scoring something, someone is bound to get fucked. It happens in College Football with the BCS. It happens in College Basketball with teams being left out the NCAA Tournament. It even happened in fucking FIGURE SKATING in the 2002 Olympics when Frenchie Marie-Reine Le Gougne claimed she was pressured to vote for the Russians over the Canadians. (Hopefully, this is just the first and only time I mention figure skating on these pages). What was ruined was a great night by Ali Funeka (I mean, 6 feet 1 inch? One-hundred and thirty-four pounds?) who made a claim for best lightweight with that performance.