- Boxing: We’re getting closer, I think, to a Mayweather/Pacquiao fight, but Bob Arum is still a dick.

- Chrome: I started using Google Chrome at work because one of the websites we need to access was created by a shitty company and the only way for that site to work at a normal speed is for us to use the fastest web browser available. (That site pisses me off so much, I write run-on sentences.) Then I tried using Chrome on yet another site for work, this one made by a not-so-shitty company, and was convinced. Chrome is fast as shit. The screen looks cleaner. Your homepage will have pictures of the sites you visit most. Click on them and you’re there. You can search directly in the addressbar (I originally wrote “toolbar”, but assholes would say, “hey, dick, it’s called the searchbox, any browser can do that” <– say that all douchey-like, with a slight whine at the end). And importing information (bookmarks/passwords) from your other, shittier browser is easy. (Hey, Mark Lee: remember when the whole site was supposed to be just like this fucking paragraph? So there you go.)

- Stuck? Lifehacker has “Top 10 Ways to Break Into and Out of Almost Anything“.  (The World’s Best Ever)

- Bear down: Below is a picture of a mirror getting made in Tucson, Arizona. Specifically, underneath Arizona Stadium. It will go inside the world’s largest telescope because that’s how we roll in the desert:  (New Scientist)

- Slow motion for me: Birds! From BBC’s “Earthflight”:  (Gizmodo)

- Slow motion for me: Bees! (Gobs not on board):  (Carpe Diem)

- Move in slow motion for me: If Bunk doesn’t stand up and slow roll while reading this, I failed:

- No shit: “Condoms are slowing HIV spread in South Africa.”  (New Scientist)

- If you don’t have an iPhone, you don’t have an iPhone… because you don’t have an iPhone: Steve Wosniak thinks Androids have better voice recognition, GPS, and turn-by-turn navigation. And this dude co-founded Apple, so yeah.  (Discovery)

- Walk like a man: If I couldn’t walk, I’d be ecstatic right about now. This “Exoskeleton” will ship later this year:  (Core77)

- They call him Bard-on, he’s the youngest buck at Bunkers: Andy made (helped make?) this well done video about Moment Skis. Side scrollin’ like a muthafacka in this bitch:  (Andy Bardon)

- Got to admit it’s getting better: The Beatles weren’t fucking lying, shit is getting better all the time. Life expectancy in the US just went up to 78.7 after 2010, a new high. I’m amazed that it only took 80 years to go from 56 to 78.7. The article linked also shows how life expectancy has coincided with real GDP per capita here in the States. I see no reason this shouldn’t keep increasing until we’ve reached whatever point it is that the human body can no longer stay alive. Dust to dust and all.  (Carpe Diem)

- For soldiers, too: Researchers at MIT have “developed a nanoscale biological coating that can halt bleeding nearly instantaneously.” Main goal is for this to go out onto the battlefield.  (Institute of Nanotechnology)

 - Eiburamu: My buddy Abram, who has lived in Japan for the past 8 years now, has been featured on Japanese television. Dude loves his ramen, Japanese love their ramen, so why not:  (Abram)

(To see more pics of ramen, head over to Yo! Japan or his tumblr or just go buy some kicks from him)

- The alcohol antidote: Chinese scientists think they have found a pill that could cure your drunkenness. Worth reading about here. I was going to quote the part about what it actually does, but I love their test too much:  (Kornfeld)

Liang first tested how well DHM alleviated drunken rats’ clumsiness and loss of coordination by measuring how long it took them to right themselves after being laid on their backs. Rats were injected with an alcohol equivalent of a human drinking 15 to 20 beers in two hours to ensure that they were sufficiently wasted. As one would expect, it took the rats about 70 minutes just to get back up on their feet. After a milligram of DHM (per kilogram of rat body weight) was added to the mixture, however, the rats were able to right themselves in just five minutes.

- The workout antidote: How about a pill that tricks your body into believing you are working out? It will trigger a hormone that “promotes the development of a type of energy-burning fat”. Don’t be scurred about the “fat” comment, the hope is that this will cut down on obesity and help those with diabetes. To wit:  (New Scientist)

Mice eating a high-fat diet that were given the gene for irisin burned more energy and had lower body weight than mice receiving a placebo

- Space, the final update: Here’s how stormy Africa looks from space:  (Geekologie)

- Ladies: Apparently you don’t like it when I open with titties. Here’s a puppy:  (The Daily What)

- Magnetic Levitation: This shit is ridiculous. I remember being pumped as all hell as a kid when toy race-car tracks began letting you switch lanes (note: don’t try switching lanes at full speed, the cars just fling off the track), but these fuckers in Japan made the sickest track of all:  (Core77)

- Texting while pissing is OK: Last update I posted a video about shit that made your clothes stain free. Now here’s something you put on your electronics to make them waterproof:  (PopSci)

- Chill out: This device from LG will cool your canned beverage in under 5 minutes. 8 minutes for a bottle of wine or two cans. ‘Cause you can can can. ‘Cause you can can can can can can can.  (Gizmodo)

- Mark it: LifeHacker presents the 2012 buying calendar, so you now know that you should buy Broadway tickets in February.  (The World’s Best Ever)

- Roll out: In December, during a high school football game at Cowboys Stadium (I feel like there should be an apostrophe after Cowboys, since it is their stadium, but I guess it’d be Blake Stadium and not Blake’s Stadium), a golf cart went buck-wa-wa-wild (I’m about to blow, light me up!) and done fucked some people up. Here’s the remixed version:  (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

- Jigga Man: If you were a rapper who just became a dad, you’d release a song with your newborn baby on it, right? Like right away? Because Jay-Z did.  (The Daily What)

- Sploosh: This is a cool shot. More here.  (Gizmodo)

- Low-gluten beer: Just as much gluten as regular beer. (Though gluten free is gluten free and tastes like shit.)  (Discovery)

- Merry New Year: Sorry I didn’t wish you a happy new year, but here are some good photos of celebratory fireworks from around the world. Here’s a sample from London:  (HongKiat)

- The good life: Back in 1966, you could have bought a 30-inch Kenmore oven for $330. Sounds cheap right? Well, you would have had to have worked, on average, 121.3 hours (not including taxes). For 121.3 hours of work today, on average, you can buy all of the below:  (Carpe Diem)

- For Muralo: Scientists at Notre Dame have figured out how to put solar cells into paint. It’s extremely inefficient, but it can be made cheaply.  (Engadget)

- Midnight Sun: Add Iceland to “places I should probably go to at some point”:  (The World’s Best Ever)

- Cold turkey: So according to some snobby fuckers at Harvard, “Nicotine therapy doesn’t help people quit smoking.” People on patches/gum were as likely to relapse as those who just stopped smoking.  (The Telegraph)

- The Marks’ Financial Update, 2011 Year in Review:

• MAB (up 11.23%) – Bunk was our worst performing Mark for the year 2011 yet he was still up 11.23% so Harter and Mark Lee can rest easy. Bunk’s year did not start off well as he was down 40 cents in one week of trading (from $12.91 to $12.50), but ended up composing himself and not looking back. Two life events really were the spark Bunk needed. First it was the long-term contract he entered into in May that took him from $12.62 to $13.49 (that’s almost 7%). Then it was the winning in fake football that took him from $13.57 (after his last lost of the season) to his 2011 close of $14.36 (about 6%). Bunk has carried over that winning attitude into 2012, as he is up over the first week of trading.
• MDH (up 12.80%) – Harter, our non-married Mark (I was gonna call him a restricted free agent), finished 2nd in performance. While 12.8% seems inline with the others, Harter had the biggest swings (at Big Swing!) along the way. Most notable was his 99-cent rise to start the year (that’d be a 47% increase), then his horrendous August when he was down 27%, but he closed the year out on a 22% increase from that low point. Anyway, Harter continues to be the cheapest (2011 close of $2.38), though you better be able to stomach the roller coaster.
• MFL (up 14.32%) – Mark had a rough start to 2011, but only because he had a rough ending to 2010. From November 29th, 2010 to January 14th, 2011, Mark went from $13.61 to $11.83 (that’s down 13%). After that, Mark would look at you like that shit gravy, with a smooth rise for the rest of the year with one little bump in August. He, too, entered into a long-term contract a little after Bunk, but did not see the same type of spike that Bunk had, just a continuation of steadiness. You’d think someone missing the Moonti playoffs for his first time would have had a drop-off at the end of the year, but investors showed faith and made him our most profitable Mark in 2011.

- Gents: But them chicks never said shit about closing with some titties (true vets should have known this was coming since there was no warning at the top):  (Working Stiff 925)

On the left is a pornstar named April, who is on Twitter and loves showing her tits. Worth mentioning. This is her Tumblr (where above pic is from), which features titties, Daleks, and seemingly good times. The other girl is named Samantha Saint and is also in porn and on Twitter, but doesn’t tweet pics like April.

- Boxing: A whole bunch of shit went down, but basically we learned that Manny Pacquiao would not stand a chance against Floyd Mayweather, Jr.; that Oscar De La Hoya loves blow and wearing women’s lingerie; that Andre Ward is the best super middleweight and fighter of 2011; that Mayweather might spend 90 days in jail; and that it’s not only corrupt politicians in D.C., it’s also the boxing referees.  (ESPN)

- Achilles: According to a study, there have been “two to five times” more Achilles ruptures in the NFL this season. The average is between four and ten ruptures in a season and, with three games left, there have already been 20 ruptures this year. Scientists blame the lockout and worry for NBA players. (Did you know that “Achilles tendon ruptures normally strike veteran players who have been playing in the NFL for an average of six years”? Now you do.)  (Discovery)

- Rebellion: How it works:  (Dilbert)

- Always Sunny: Remember the episode when the gang drank wine out of a can? Now you can, too:  (Carpe Diem)

- I know Kung Fu: Researchers at Boston University and ATR Computational Neuroscience Laboratories in Kyoto, Japan, have found a way to manipulate your brainwaves so you learn faster and retain that knowledge better. Mind control? Perhaps:  (Discovery)

“We found that subjects were not aware of what was to be learned while behavioral data obtained before and after the neurofeedback training showed that subjects’ visual performance improved specifically for the target orientation,” Watanabe said.

- NBA Uniforms: Get the rundown of all the changes at Paul Lukas’ (of Uni Watch) ESPN article. But there are several things to point out. First, the Heat will wear black on black (on black) for “important” home games this year (they’re shiny again):

The Knicks did the opposite and got rid of the black in their logo, while the Kings will showcase a new black alternate. Oh, and please vote for “B. Franklin Dogg” to be the new Sixers mascot, which is a terrible idea. The Blazers will rep “Rip City” on March 18th, which is a great idea. And finally, the Raptors have psuedo-3D logos underneath the baskets on their court. Pretty cool, yet weird.  (ESPN)

- The Roots: The new album, undun, is not terrible. Fourteen tracks, but really only 9 songs (unless you like orchestra shit with your rap). Billed as a concept album, the album focuses on street life and how shitty it is for young black males, specifically for one black male, because no rap song has ever touched on that subject. Tracks two through seven are all good, then a shitty chorus kills track 8 (“Lighthouse”) for me. Hey, if you can’t swizzim then you’re gonna drizzown.

- I just like this headline: “Artificial Intestines Near Reality“.  (Discovery)

- NeverWet: This spray-on substance means your shit stays dry and stain free. Unbelievably stain free:  (Carpe Diem)

- Krista Ayne: Over Monday, December 19th, and Tuesday, the 20th, 252 people found this site by searching for “krista ayne” on the internet. Most wound up on this update, which features Krista prominently and I highly recommend you check her out. Here’s a pic from her Twitter page:

Also worth noting that during the same time-frame, two people found this site by searching for “asshole,” and one found this site by searching for “taint sex.” Ah, you don’t care, so go look at this ass shot of hers (great ass, terrible photo, otherwise I’d post it).

- Blackboards in Porn: Here’s a site that critiques blackboards that are showcased in pornos. Really wish it was more not safe for work, but dude must have found the only PG pics from the pornos.  (Wired)

- “A kill switch for viruses”: A man with PhDs in electrical engineering and computer science has developed a drug that seeks out bad cells and forces them to commit suicide. He has had the drug work in the lab on “dengue fever, a stomach virus, and a polio virus,” among others. To wit’ing like a motherfucker:

To create [the drug], Rider combined two proteins commonly found in the human body. One binds to viral double-stranded ribonucleic acid, a type of molecule found in all viruses. The other induces apoptosis, which is essentially programmed cell suicide. The drug acts like a homing missile that seeks out and kills cells infected by a virus. It appears to have few negative consequences and works against all diseases, even as they mutate.

Pretty impressive shit, if I do say so myself.  (Dad)

- A vaccine for prostate cancer: In what is described as “preliminary but promising,” Mayo Clinic “researchers and collaborators from the UK have apparently cured mice with well-established prostate tumors with no visible side effects via a new kind of tumor vaccine.” They expect the vaccine to work for other cancers as well. So who wants to argue that life expectancy will decrease in the coming years?  (PopSci)

- Nose candy: Want to get high through your nose? May be coming to a drugstore near you, if you live in Germany.  (Wooten)

- Ah, Twitter: Alexis Ford, pornstar, recently received new breasts and she’s rather proud. She shows them here:

She captioned that one “drunk horney (sic) all of the above”

She also asks you to “motor boat these tits”:

But while her tit pics are also welcomed, it is this tweet that sums her up nicely:

If I had a dick I would pull it out and piss on sum bitches

- That’s it? Yup. Unless you want to read an Op-Ed from an owner of a construction company bitch about people on unemployment (Carpe Diem), or see what light looks at a trillion frames per second (PopSci), or hear Shit Black Girls Say (The Daily What), or read how strawberries protect your stomach when drinking (Gizmodo), then I guess it isn’t.

- Stitches suck: Especially on your blood vessels, which is what doctors do during heart surgeries. Now that could be a thing of the past thanks to this “phase-changing gel“. They’ll use the gel to glue your vessels together. And that’s better than poking the shit out of them with needles and rope.  (PopSci)

- Looks messy: It looks baller, but feel like water would just spill out the sides all day long:  (Core77)

- Pornchestra: Go here to watch Bach’s Badinerie from Orchestral Suite No. 2 in B minor as sung by clips of pornstars getting plowed. And if you think that’s safe for work, then please hire me.  (The World’s Best Ever)

- A true hippie funeral: If you want to have the least environmental impact, then you should have your body liquefied (I was going to write “after you die”, but supposedly we just shit on the environment no matter what we do, so save the planet and liquefy yourself today!).  (New Scientist)

- Get whisked away: Can’t shove your whisk into a drawer? Then buy this one:  (Gizmodo)

- Ahem: Apparently Half Baked is a fucking liar. To wit in this mothafucka:  (Wooten)

Heavy marijuana use doesn’t seem to cause any sort of lasting brain damage. All the negative side-effects are relatively temporary. (But those side-effects are real.) Furthermore, the sort of anxiolytic giddiness triggered by THC comes with its own unexpected benefits, which is probably why humans have been self-medicating with cannabis for thousands of years.

- Unrelated: Porsche designed this:  (The World’s Best Ever)

- How ya gonna do it? Stanley Chow has this Biggie poster for sale on his site:  (Stanley Chow Illustrations)

- Vessel repossession: Don’t you hate it when your cargo ship gets held up in some douche’s port? Some federale saying your papers aren’t right? Well, call in this guy and he’ll steal back your fucking ship.  (Carpe Diem)

- No more Mos Def: The rapper is changing his name to Yasiin after 2011. Whatever.  (KSK)

- I am the Eggman: In The Beatles song “I Am The Walrus”, Lennon claims to be the “Eggman”. This is false. The Eggman is Eric Burdon, lead singer of The Animals. Eric got this nickname because he loved to break eggs on naked women. Burdon’s friends called him “Eggs” because of his infatuation, but when Lennon was present for an display of this, Lennon yelled out “go on, get it Eggman!“  (Dad)

- Semen perfume: It’s called “Sécrétions Magnifiques” and is described thusly:

like blood, sweat, sperm, saliva, Sécrétions Magnifiques is as real as an olfactory coitus that sends one into raptures… the slightly salty marine effect stirs, arouses and sets your mouth watering.

Ugh. (The Best of the Web Today)

- Unis: There’s a lot of new or special college football uniforms for this season, which you can read here (figured by now everyone had seen how shitty Maryland’s new unis are). In the NFL, only the Bills have new uniforms and I fucking love them, except that the stripe widens in the back of the helmet. That’s just stupid. Here are the Bills new unis, via:

- Ahem: Yeah, you need titties. And titties I got. I got sent these from ‘Bram who knows the guy that took them. And they are lovely:

“But wait,” you say, “I don’t see no titties in hurr.” Patience:

And finally:

- The Marks’ Financial Update: It’s been a month since we last checked in the Marks and how they were doing. It’s also been a hectic stock market during that time period. So how did they fare?

• MAB – Bunk has a had a solid lead up to his chirtieth birfday, rising from $13.40 and closing on September 16th at $13.80. Not sure what investors are seeing as all of his vacation days are spent with three months to go in the year, due to the fact that he has asshole friends that throw parties for themselves.
• MFL – When we last left Mark, he was sitting comfortably at $13.03. And then the next day he jumped off a cliff (not literally, dude is very much alive) and fell down to $12.39 in one day. Ouch. But like Beyonce, Mark is a survivor (but not pregnant) and came right back up in two days to $13.19 and then rose to $13.73 to be right at Bunk’s heels.
• MDH – Harter drew a straight line down to $2.01 from $2.60 over a two-day span, but like Mark Lee above, he did not quit and kept on keepin’ on. He closed on $2.36 on September 16th, saving himself some embarrassment from his earlier drop. After being up as much as 40% this year, Harter is now only up around 12%. Tread lightly, Harter.

- Shooting memories, not bullets: I was in Carbondale, Colorado for Heidi and Mike’s wedding over Labor Day Weekend and both the state, at least the parts I saw, and the wedding were beautiful. The ceremony was outside on a pasture underneath a clear blue sky with other cliched adjectives and nouns people would use to describe a fucking gorgeous wedding. Everyone was taking pictures, including myself. Correction: I took one picture. As Heidi and Mike were exchanging vows (honestly though, “vow” is a better term… /ducks the chair Heidi just threw) I decided it was the perfect opportunity to take this:

That is a cricket (grasshopper?) that stayed on the chair in front of me throughout the entire wedding ceremony. It even looked like he or she was paying attention to the moment. Over an amazing Labor Day weekend in which I drove through a canyon, saw every star imaginable, witnessed two good friends seal the deal, and get “bro”d by Mrs. Landis, that shitty grasshopper (I checked) is the only picture I took. And it isn’t even that good of a picture.

- Boxing: 24/7 for Mayweather vs. Ortiz starts next Saturday, August 27th, on HBO. They’ll also be shown on CNN if you don’t get HBO.

- Melodica: We saw one of these on a rooftop Saturday:

It’s called a melodica and you can buy one here if you are so inclined. The Wikipedia page for melodicas has a lot of “citation needed”s, so not sure how much we can trust it. But basically, these things were seen in the 19th century, but not really used until the 1950s and 1960s. If you still want to buy one, please note that the “melodica is the perfect instrument for busking.” Then again, you may end up looking like this guy:

- RZA traintable, jump the turnstyle: Since the fine for jumping the turnstyle in the New York subway system is $100, and NYPD only catches around 0.6% of jumpers (1 out 154), you might as well jump. Go ahead and jump.  (Wooten)

- Kick Cancer in the Balls: That’s the team name Joe Capizzi is using for the Livestrong (sorry, LIVESTRONG) bike event in Phlly on August 20th. Help Capiz reach his goal here. And for those wondering why he uses that name… think about it… yup, cancer of the balls. And he kicked that shit.  (Capizzi)

- A sphincter says what? Scientists are implanting artificial sphincters in mice so they don’t shit themselves (the mice, that is). The scientists hope to one day implant fake asshole in old people so they don’t shit themselves either.  (Geekologie)

- Like an escort? “Rent Marcus in New Orleans for $15 an hour to experience the nightlife on Bourbon Street.” “Rent Maria in Miami for $30 an hour to learn Spanish.” The site isn’t live yet, but Pal Locale will let you rent people for totally non-sexual things.  (Carpe Diem)

- Bud: Budweiser will be using new cans, not sure when though so keep an eye out for these:  (Wooten)

- It’s OK to take pictures of their asses: Two female volleyball players in England are wearing advertisements on their ass cheeks. Like so:

That thing on her butt is called a QR code. If you take a picture of it with a smartphone, you’ll be directed to Betfair’s website.  (Carpe Diem)

- Plywood pixels: So this:

Is made like this:  (Core77)

- Get HD without cable/satellite: For $44 you can buy an antennae called the Mohu Leaf, which looks like a mousepad. Hide it behind a picture, or bookcase (not sure why you don’t hide it behind the TV), and you get over-the-air free HD. I don’t think that includes ESPN, though.  (Discovery)

- Work out at work: This just looks terrible:  (The World’s Best Ever)

- OBNC: I hate those bumper stickers, but I do love this time-lapse of the Outer Banks:  (Gizmodo)

- Watch The Throne: First off, you should really watch Game of Thrones, available on demand on HBO. Second, you should probably listen to Watch The Throne, Jay-Z and Kanye’s joint album. It’s decent, but I’m not so good at reviewing things. You know who is? The fake Ghostface Killah. Here’s his take on one of the shittiest songs I’ve ever heard:

11. Made In America (ft. Frank Ocean) – First of all son….Lionel Richie called from 1986 n said he wants his song back yo. Word. Sade jus holla’d on twitter to say this shit is soft as fuck namsayin. I think Elton John wants to conceive babies to this joint b. Drake said he gon soak in his lotion pool to this shit rite here for like a week son. I think Wiz Khagina is scissorin wit Amber Rose to this shit rite now as we speak yo. I heard this shit gon be used for the next Gwyneth Paltrow movie too. I dont kno how the same nigga that did Who Gon Stop Me had anything to do wit this shit but apparently he did nahmean. This shit sounds like two niggas hang glidin over the ocean together at sunset holdin hands son. I think this is bout to be on Yung Berg’s yoga playlist. I cant fuck wit this shit at all b. This shit is like audio lesbian comin out my speakers son.

“This shit sounds like two niggas hang glidin over the ocean together at sunset holdin hands son.” Whatever that means, he’s right.  (The World’s Best Ever)

- Boxing: Amir Khan stopped Zab Judah in the fifth round on July 23rd. Zab thought it was a blatant low-blow that sent him to the canvas, but Zab is an idiot to think that. The punch landed right on Zab’s belt, which was high on his waist. Either way, Zab stayed on the ground because he thought he was getting a “standing eight count”. Pretty sure you’d be standing if the ref was giving you a standing eight count.

- Heeeeeey: If your phone is smart, you’d download the “Hey Tell” application. It’s a free voice messaging ap (app? Apple says app) that works like a walkie-talkie. Maybe not the best explanation, but give it a try. It’s free. Also, if you know Harter, then he’s about to give you a two week warning for when he stops texting. Hit him on the hip or fuck off. That’s his attitude.  (Mark Lee via Craig Smith)

- JV Football: In order to join the Mountain West Conference, Boise State had to agree to not wear all blue uniforms at home during conference games. I’d consider that bush league.  (Uni Watch)

- Whittlin’ like a motherfucker: Maskull Lasserre’s whittling work was being shown up in Montreal, if you wanted to see some freaky shit like this:  (Gizmodo)

- Thirsty? Then travel 12 billion light years and find this largest body of water:

That’s water straight chillin’ in space. Scientists say that there is enough water there for every person on Earth to have their own planet’s worth of water 20,000 times over. That’s, um, a lot.  (Fast Company)

- Putin: The contest might be over, but if we have any Russian readers (nyet? Though Google translator says “het”), then you might want to submit your strip tease for a free iPad 2. Just be sure to support Putin’s bid for president:  (Ben)

- Minimum wage: Keeping minorities and teenagers out of work since 1938. New research by two economists shows what minimum wage increases do to employment:

Each 10% increase in the minimum wage [since 2007] was accompanied by a decrease in employment of 1.2% for Hispanic males, 2.5% for white males and 6.5% for black males. When looking at hours worked, we saw a similar effect: Each 10% increase in the minimum wage reduced hours worked by 1.7% for Hispanic males, 3% for white males and 6.6% for black males.

The article also notes that some 26,400 16- to 24-year-old black males lost their jobs from 2007 to 2010 thanks to forced wage increases. But no, go ahead and ignore a simple demand curve.  (Carpe Diem)

- “Gulf Coast Oilbirds”: That’s a suggested fantasy football team name from the folks at Kissing Suzy Kolber. Check out the rest of the list here. Either way, football is back.  (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

- Stencils: Hard for me to believe that this picture:

Was created with stencils and spray paint. Then I saw this video:

And now I believe. More pictures here.  (Core77)

- Liquid face: Scientists are testing out a new “liquid biomaterial” that you inject under the skin, mold, and then shine some LEDs on it to set. A pain-free way to get your face rearranged.  (Gizmodo)

- Cheap lightbulbs: Just take an empty soda bottle, fill with water and some bleach, drill a hole in your roof, and bam! Let there be light:  (Fast Company)

- Ah, boobs: And why not?  (Working Stiff 925)

- The Marks’ Financial Update:

• MDH – Harter had a fun ride, spiking at $2.94 on July 21st, but like the rest of the world he came crashing down. He closed August 5th at $2.60, a twenty-seven cent drop from his previous $2.87 close on July 7th. On the plus side, Harter is still on the plus side for the year after opening at $2.16 on January 3rd.
• MAB – Bunk dropped twenty-nine cents since his July 7th close of $13.69, leaving him at $13.40 for you math-hating assholes. I would say this is because he still calls his wife his girlfriend, but then the world got itself into the shitter, so we’ll go with “market movement”. Bunk is also still positive for the year, when he opened at $13.03.
• MFL – Could introducing Blake to Hey Tell have a positive effect on his stock? No. He went from $13.58 down to $13.03, the biggest drop of all the Marks. I’m not saying the move to Chatham has anything to do with it. OK, I said it, so what? Mark is also up for the year, he opened at $12.75, proving once again it never hurts to put your money with the Marks.

- Notes on the site: I know, I can’t really be calling these “weekly” updates anymore if I’m not going to be posting weekly. I do try, though, but work is busy so there’s less time to read up on shit. Wednesday happy hours aren’t helping either. Neither do Tuesday dinners and thirsty Thursdays and pool beer pong. Such is life. You can help, if you’d like, by sending me any dumb shit you think should be put on here. Just email it to me at blakesupdate@gmail.com. Simple. You can also use Facebook or Twitter, if you’re a thirteen-year-old girl. On the other hand, this has been a good run of titties being shown in each update. Just saying.

- iHit: That’s just an iPhone case, man. No, man, you can like, smoke it. Man.:  (Ces)

- Carry a big fork: And eat lightly. In one study, patrons ate less when eating with a big fork than with a small one. (The Daily What)

- Space, the final frontier: Literally. Because going to Mars could kill you, thanks to “[s]pace radiation, microgravity and psychological implications”.  (Discovery)

- A urinal for chicks: It’s only a concept. A creepy concept:  (Gizmodo)

- Urineade: Nothing like a urinal to lead into a new drink. In fact, this piece ties up the previous two, since NASA is working on a sports drink made from urine. (And that’s how you let the post build, beeeeaatch!)  (Wired)

- Make money smoking cigarettes: Some dude will buy one pound of cigarette butts for $3. If you’re wondering, about 1,500 cancer sticks make one pound. Hey, I didn’t say make a profit smoking cigarettes. (Carpe Diem)

- Smart chimps: If you’ve been falling for some of the viral marketing for Rise of the Planet of the Apes like an asshole (Ces), then I’m sorry for you. But real primates are still smart, whether it’s a chimpanzee that was “hoarding stones and making discs from concrete so he could hurl them at visitors” or another disarming snare traps. Read about the real ones here, then watch the fake ones here.  (New Scientist)

- Kung Fu Volleyball: What else would you call it:  (Wooten)

- Obligatory space pic: Of an aurora:  (Wired)

- Bill Gates: This is a great interview with Bill Gates, a smart man. Also a rich man and a man who really cares where this planet and its people are going. He doesn’t care much for solar panels (he blames the heat of them), but when asked if the Gates would put solar panels on their roof, he replied:

Oh, we like to be cute like everyone. For rich people, this is OK. Rich people can do whatever they want.

You’re damn right, Bill. Not doing whatever you want is for poor people.  (Wired)

- Mind power: Brain implants could help people control artificial limbs in the near future. Their own limbs, not yours. That’d be weird.  (Discovery)

- Florida is fucked: “Hey everyone, I’m having a party. Oh, no one can go in the master bedroom, though.” We’ve all heard those words. But a teen in Florida is charged with murdering his parents and then having a party. The guests were unaware since the parents’ bedroom was locked.  (Reuters)

- Subwaymart: The Tesco in South Korea (should probably just say Korea, but food and technology do not exist in North Korea) setup a virtual market in the subway. Take a pic of the QR code to order food to your door:  (Kornfeld)

- She needs to clean more: That’s one nasty belly button, if that thing is coming out of it:  (Fuck Yeah Brazilian Girls)

]]> http://blakesupdate.com/2011/07/19/weekly-update-71/feed/ 2 Blake http://blakesupdate.com/2011/07/07/weekly-update-74/ http://blakesupdate.com/2011/07/07/weekly-update-74/#comments Fri, 08 Jul 2011 01:47:01 +0000 Blake http://blakesupdate.com/?p=1842 Continue reading →]]> - Boxing: David Haye should be banned from boxing after his horrendous attempt against Wladimir Klitschko. Klitschko dominated Haye to a unanimous decision while Haye bitched about a broken pinky toe. There should be better boxing this weekend when Paul Williams takes on Erislandy Lara on HBO. Oh, and Ricky Hatton retired, according to ESPN.

- Slow motion for me, slow motion for me: I’m sure there is something that looks awful in slow motion, but I have yet to see it. Here’s some water:

And here’s a tank shooting some shit:

Lovely.  (water, Geekologie; tank, Gizmodo)

- King me: Not sure how long this game of checkers would last, but you gotta like the concept:  (Core77)

- You are not a hologram: Some really smart people think we are just a hologram (click here to have Wikipedia explain it better than I can). New studies show those really smart people might be wrong.

- Idle Hands: Wanna play guitar, but you don’t want to actually learn how? Then just electrocute yourself. Well, not really, but this device sends electric currents into your hand to bend your fingers properly.  (New Scientist)

- Speaking of idle hands: Yeah, she’s nice:  (Fuck Yeah Brazilian Girls)

- Taxes and the NBA: There’s a correlation between state income taxes and success in the NBA. It’s too small of a sample size to give it any weight, but you gamblers should take note that for seven straight years a team from one of the ten lowest taxed cities made the finals.  (Carpe Diem)

- Is that a megaphone in your pants or are you just happy to see me? The world’s loudest animal uses its penis to make its noise.  (Discovery)

- “That ether, that shit that makes your soul burn slow”: Complex has “The 50 Best Hip-Hop Diss Songs“, but I have a hard time agreeing with their first choice (Jay-Z’s “Takeover”). Nas’ response to “Takeover” was “Ether” (number 3), which is a term rappers now use when someone shits on someone else and I think the debate over who won the Nas/Jay-Z beef is still ongoing. Complex’s second choice, “Hit ‘Em Up” by 2Pac, resulted in the deaths of, arguably, hip-hops two greatest rappers.  (The Daily What)

- The history of contacts: Yeah, as I write this I realize it’s probably not that interesting, but people used to stick pieces of glass onto their eyes (it covered even the whites) back in the 1880s.  (Gizmodo)

- Coffee may ward off Alzheimer’s: The mice were drinking the equivalence of four to five cups of coffee a day, but still, those on coffee showed better resistance to Alzheimer’s than those drinking decaf.  (Discovery)

- How’d you spend the Fourth? I bet you didn’t release paper lanterns into the air like the Polish:  (Core77)

- Got to pass a drug test? Here’s how (lots and lots and lots of water. Oh, and some vitamins so your piss ain’t clear).  (The World’s Best Ever)

- Radiohead: If you like the band Radiohead, you should have OK Computer and In Rainbows. If you really like Radiohead, you’d put those albums together to create the “hidden” Radiohead album. Start with the first song from OK Computer, then put on the first song from In Rainbows, then keep doing that until you get to “Karma Police”. Ta-da. Hidden album. Learn more tricks from Radiohead and other bands here. (Cracked)

- The Marks’ Financial Update:

• MFL – Mr. Lee, the second Mark to wed, made like rolling hills as he worked his stock up to $13.58, from $13.25 on June 12th. Investors gave Mark a little scare on the three trading days after his marriage, especially on the 27th when he dropped almost twenty cents. Still, he continues his steady climb that started back in April.
• MAB – Bunk had a terrible July 5th, so I’m going to go ahead and assume he had a terrible July 4th. Surprisingly, he stayed positive during this time period and closed on July 7th at $13.69, up from his June 12th $13.31.
• MDH – After deciding Harter was at his peak at Mark Lee’s wedding, investors came in on Monday selling. Seriously, you couldn’t beat the best man’s speech (at least I know I didn’t), yet Harter dropped twelve cents on the 27th, then another five cents on Tuesday. He closed July 7th at $2.87, down from his June 12th $2.94.

- Naked in Nature: The World’s Best Ever has 30 pictures from Playboy for you, but here’s a taste:  (The World’s Best Ever)

- Speaking of tits: The Big Book of Breasts is now in 3-D.  (Coyote Blog)

- That cool, refreshing drink: Kids near the U.S. Open last weekend tried to open a lemonade stand. The county tried to fine them $500 for violating the vendor laws. The county dropped the fine and made the kids move to a side street. Because government is caring.  (Carpe Diem)

- Tattoos and suicide: If you are getting a tattoo, don’t get one that references Ned Kelly. You’re more likely to die from suicide or homicide than the average person.  (Discovery)

- Who the fuck is Ned Kelly? Depending on who you ask, he’s either just an Australian outlaw from the late 1800s or a symbol for the fight against British rule in Australia. He also made his own set of armor before taking on some cops.  Anyway, don’t get his tattoo unless you want to die young.  (Wiki)

 - “Don’t forget to pee the plants”: No, my mom has never left me that note. Hopefully she will, one day. This is merely a concept, but one can wish:  (Gizmodo)

- I need to watch more reality TV: Her name is Diana Balsini and she was a contestant (guest?) on Big Brother Brazil. I’m in love, even if that love is covered in Photoshop (seriously, compare this picture to the one above):  (Fuck Yeah Brazilian Girls)

- Tape art: Pictures created with electrical tape:  (Core77)

- Refs suck: And apparently have for over 1,800 years. Turns out an epitaph for a gladiator in Roman times blames the fighter’s loss (and subsequent death) on a poor ruling by the referee. The gladiator thought he had won the battle when he knocked his opponent to the ground and the opponent asked for mercy. Instead the ref ruled it an inadvertent slip and told them to keep fighting.  (Discovery)

- Plastic money: Oh, Canada. Instead of paper-cotton money, they are rolling out polymer bills come the fall, starting with $100, or whatever money sign they use up dere.  (Geekologie)

- Data: This is data, or so they claim:  (Core77)

- Mind, blown: Astronomers found a protostar that is (I guess was, since it’s 750 light years away) spewing jets of water into space. This could mean that our Sun went through the same process during its formation… which could mean our water isn’t from this planet. And, since water breeds life, that there is a lot more water and a lot more life out there than originally thought.  (PopSci)

- Space pic: Since it’s been awhile (bigger version here). It’s two galaxies crashing into each other, if you couldn’t tell:  (PopSci)

- Shit burger: Ugh. But yeah. So a scientist in Japan (of course) has found a way to extract protein from “sewage mud” to make meat. The video is worth watching since he actually labels the meat in his plastic bag as “shit burger” and then uses a creepy finger pointer at the end:  (Kornfeld)

- Texas in this motherfucka’: You’ll still be able to manufacture and sell 100-watt lightbulbs, assuming you do both in Texas, no matter what the federal government says. Pretty badass of Texas, but should I expect anything less?  (Carpe Diem)

- Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em: Enjoy your cigarettes with these new pictures on them:  (MarketWatch)

- Dust: Harter had asked me to put something about dust in an update, however I think I’m like 4 weeks late from when he originally asked. For the most part, it seems like your common house dust is made up of dust mites and dust mites’ shit. At least according to Wiki:

[House dust mites] excrete enzymes to digest the organic particles, and excrete feces, that together become part of the house dust, and may irritate allergies

The rest of the dust around us basically comes from any loose soil that wind travels over. The Sahara, for one, is dusting this shit out of shit. Even housing developments create dust, either when cutting wood like a lumberjack or moving earth for the foundation (just to get a base). Hair (human and animal), plant pollen, minerals, skin, and a bunch of other nasty shit make up dust.

- One more time: Ending with a picture of disgusting lungs and a piece about how you breath in the shit of dust mites every second, I figured we’d show my new wife one more time:  (Fuck Yeah Brazilian Girls)

• Carl Froch shut out Glen Johnson on June 4th and will now fight Andre Ward for the Super Six Championship. All you need to know about Froch is that his wife is a smokeshow:  
• Manny Pacquiao’s next opponent will be Juan Manuel Marquez in November. It’ll be the third fight for these guys, the previous two were a controversial decision for Manny and a controversial draw. Very controversial when they fight.
• Bernard Hopkins became the oldest champion in boxing history. That’s saying a lot for a sport that traces its champions back to the late 1800s.
• Paul Williams will fight the Cuban Erislandy Lara on July 9th. Two of my favorite fighters here, and I’m torn on who to root for.
• On July 2nd, Wladimir Klitschko takes on the only other heavyweight worth fighting that’s not named Klitschko in David Haye.
• Zab “Super Jew” Judah is set to fight Amir Khan on July 23rd. Zab is making a weird little comeback here and he should keep this fight entertaining.
• And finally, “Pretty Boy” Floyd “Money” Mayweather, Jr, has announced that he will star in another 24/7. Oh, and he’ll fight Victor Ortiz on September 17th. To say I was excited to hear this is an understatement. (For those bitching about not fighting Pacquiao, Floyd hasn’t fought in over 16 months, let him warm up first. Many think it’s telling that he’s fighting a southpaw here.)

- Plax was wearing jeans: We all think Plaxico was wearing sweatpants when he shot himself. Turns out, he wasn’t.  (Deadspin)

- Smell like roasted pig: Love BBQs? Want to smell like one? Try this cologne.  (Gizmodo)

- Make like a tree and leave: When you die, you can put your ashes in a “Bios Urn” and then plant it. Rather, your loved ones can put your ashes in the urn and plant it. Would be kinda weird if you could plant your own ashes.  (Discovery)

- The friendly skies: Puyehue volcano erupted in Chile and a lot of people passed along this picture:

And that is a good one. However, my recent fascination with volcano lightning makes me like this one even more:

Both make it look like the world is ending though.  (New Scientist)

- Double penis lizard: Scientist recently discovered a lizard that has two dicks.  (Boing Boing)

- Whiskey holster: Because how else are you supposed to carry your drink?  (Ces)

- Best places to photograph: Here’s a list of the “25 Best Places to Photograph on Planet Earth” and it starts with Angkor Wat:  (PopSci)

- Help kill the planet: This video discusses the environmental impact of videos online. I just hit play and let it run without watching. Again and again: (Gizmodo)

- Form fitting bras: They map your tits in 3-D and then print out a bra specifically for them. Custom bras:  (Discovery)

- Titty City: I’ve never heard of this magazine, but turns out there is a new one published. Pick one up here. And this is what the cover looks like:  (The World’s Best Ever)

- Overkill: The U.S. Department of Education issued a search warrant and called in the S.W.A.T. team to find Kenneth Wright’s estranged wife, who had defaulted on student loans. The DOE says it was a criminal fraud case, so clearly sending the S.W.A.T. in on Mr. Wright and his three children (ages 3, 7, and 11) was completely necessary. No, you guys are right. We should definitely let the government handle all loans.  (Coyote Blog)

- Abstinence panties: Because telling a man that you don’t want to fuck sometimes isn’t enough, you need to let him see that you don’t want his penis inside you:  (Geekologie)

- Futuristic water gun: Xploderz is the name, but I’m really confused on what’s going on here. You can grow the ammo? Whatever:  (Gizmodo)

- Black market website: Want some LSD? Or any other drug for that matter? Do you also not want to leave your home? Then try this website, which I would link to if I could, that sells everything.  (Gawker)

- Telepathic dogs: Because how else would they know how to manipulate humans?  (Discovery)

- Crazy sky: This is a panoramic view of Australia Day in Perth, Australia and it was taken by Antti Kemppainen.  (Gizmodo)

- Concrete ping pong table: Noe Pond Club had outdoor ping pong tables that got so hot you could fry fish on them… or so I heard. This table looks cool (literally and figuratively) and is made of concrete. Get yours here:  (Core77)

- Light paintings: These photos seem like a recent craze. To pull them off you need a camera with a long exposure and a laser pointer. Point light at camera in whatever design you want, and you can get something like this:  (Hongkiat)

- “All the woman be at Wal-Mart, ya heard”: Just a fantastic song and video:  (The World’s Best Ever)

- Move it like Bernie: Who would have thought an 80s movie about a dead boss would inspire a dance craze. And if you’re wondering, Molly is the Queen of the Bernie and taught me well:  (Molly)

- The Marks Financial Update:

• MDH – Harter was relatively flat over the last thirty days, closing at $2.94, down ten cents from the last time I posted an update. I’m lucky I don’t have a stock tied to my name, my shit would be bankrupt after my poor performance this past month. Seems like investors are just biding time for now with Harter.
• MAB - Bunk became Mr. Bunker and so far investors don’t give a shit. In fact, he started slipping directly after the wedding, then popped up to $13.49 on June 2nd. Of course, investors realized Bunk was coming to Mark Lee’s bachelor party weekend and sold accordingly. Bunk now stands at $13.31, seven cents more than when he was just a fiancé.
• MFL – Mark Lee is down since the last time we checked in. Investors sold him in the lead up to his bachelor party, but when they came back on Monday and found out that Mark Lee was reviving the “Enough is Enough” campaign and running for mayor of Hoboken, well, how could they not bid him up? He hit $13.39 before investors sobered up and he fell to $13.25, down seventeen cents since last month.