Category Archives: Weekly Update

January 21, 2013 · 2:48 PM

They Still Probably Faked It.

(Let’s just pretend last year didn’t happen. Cool? Cool. Also, I’m changing the naming convention of these updates. So instead of “Weekly Update,” which is a lie, I’m just going to quote myself, which is narcissistic.)

- Boxing: I took the below picture (off my TV, no less) last summer. It’s Adrien Broner wearing a “Free Money May” t-shirt while Floyd Mayweather, Jr. was in jail. Broner is as close to Mayweather as one can get, except he’s more agressive and less defensive. He’s also brash and cocky and all that shit that old white men, and racists, hate about Mayweather. Watch him on February 16th against Gavin Rees, who is someone Broner will destroy.

- Watch out: It’s not just Wooten that walks into glass doors, so do old ladies at Apple stores. Except I gotta hand it to the Woobag, he didn’t try to sue the homeless shelter where he walked his face into a window.  (Apple Insider)

- Toy porn! Video summary says this happened spontaneously. I call bullshit, but enjoy:  (The Daily What)

- Stem cells: They never cease to amaze me. Reported last March, they helped monkeys with Parkinson’s stop shaking. The most important quote is here:

“Monkeys starting with tremors and rigidity [began] to move smoothly, and animals originally confined to sitting down were able to walk around,” says Takahashi.

Good to see Japanese scientists not trying to make a shitburger for once.  (New Scientist)

- And more stem cells: Monkeys who lost the ability to produce sperm due to (doo doo) chemotherapy have regained that ability because of stem cells in this motherfucker.  (New Scientist)

- They still probably faked it: Women can orgasm during workouts. Typically it’s during abdominal exercises. Also of note, for the ladies, is that the scientists behind the study suggest that if you have an orgasm during a specific workout, that workout “has the potential to enhance women’s sexual lives as well.”  (Gizmodo)

- Ah-hee-hee: I’m just going to leave this bird moonwalking right here:  (Geekologie)

- We’ve got an anti-robot apocalypse think tank? Yeah, that guy Steve’s on it: Stephen Hawking has joined the Cambridge Project for Existential Risk. The article’s headline about “anti-robot apocalypse” may be a little misleading, as the group will also think about artificial life and anthropogenic climate change.  (Fast Company)

- Stop development aid to Africa: So says Kenyan economics expert James Shikwati in an interview with Spiegel. To wit:

SPIEGEL: Mr. Shikwati, the G8 summit at Gleneagles is about to beef up the development aid for Africa…

Shikwati: … for God’s sake, please just stop.

SPIEGEL: Stop? The industrialized nations of the West want to eliminate hunger and poverty.

Shikwati: Such intentions have been damaging our continent for the past 40 years. If the industrial nations really want to help the Africans, they should finally terminate this awful aid. The countries that have collected the most development aid are also the ones that are in the worst shape. Despite the billions that have poured in to Africa, the continent remains poor.

Shikwati goes on to explain that the aid is going to financing huge bureaucracies and “corruption and complacency are promoted.” He also claims that the aid kills the “spirit of entrepreneurship” that Africa so needs.  (Spiegel)

- Welp, there go my weekends: DrinkSavvy is working on cups and straws that change color to warn you if your drink has been tampered with.  (Fast Company)

- Time-lapse is still awesome: Here’s “Island in the Sky”:  (Wired)

- Boing: Everything you ever wanted to know about morning wood (it happens during R.E.M. sleep and we typically wake up coming out of R.E.M. sleep):  (The World’s Best Ever)

- Fulgawhatnow? Fulgarite. That’s the name of this:

It happens when lightning hits sand. See another shot here at NatGeo.  (The Daily What)

- Bear down, Arizona: The University of Arizona has added women’s sand volleyball as a varsity sport, joining only 28 other schools. Basically, what I’m saying is, you chose poorly and I chose wisely.  (@AZATHLETICS)

- Amurca! American Football: Guns & Balls is a game available, for free, in Apple’s App Store (which I would link to, but apparently the App Store only exists as an app). The game is for your iPhone or iPad and its title screen looks like this:

IMG_0023

And that picture is exactly how this game works. You wear a football uniform designed like the American flag, stand on a podium behind the uprights, and shoot at incoming field goal attempts. That’s when you’re on defense. On offense you just flick a ball at the uprights as many times as you can. It’s as terrible as you think it is, but it’s free and it’s America.  (Apple)

- Siri: Here’s how to make Siri say anything you want, if you have a Mac.  (Hongkiat)

- Guess it’s better than burning ‘em: Here are 40 “book sculptures” for you to peruse. Like so:  (Hongkiat)

- The Marks’ Financial Update, 2012 Year in Review:

  • MFL (up 10.43%) - A good sign for the Marks if Mark Lee was the worst performer and was still up 10.43% ($14.58 to $16.10). Mark’s biggest movement (not in the bathroom) was a 3-day drop (again, not in the bathroom) in the middle of March. On the 13th, you could buy a share of Mark at $15.21, but by March 16th he was only worth $14.06. The rest of the year was ho-hum until December 6th, the day after the birth of his son, where he started a fall that didn’t bottom out until December 18th. He trended up to end the year, and to start 2013 he is up 2.19% to $16.78.
  • MAB (up 10.49%) - Bunk just edged out Mark Lee for second place, gaining about a buck-fiddy from $14.39 to $15.90. Bunk’s year started out well, then flatlined around the time they find out Jaime was pregnant. That flatline ended in August, which I believe is when they started telling people, but that requires research. The high (so hiiiiiiigh) for Bunk was November 23rd, where he hit $17.99. Alas, he came down from that high in December to close out the year on a downer. Currently, Bunk is up 2.29% at $16.56, but analysts have not fully figured out the impact the birth of his daughter will have. Stay tuned.
  • MDH (up 44.35%) - My man does not fuck around. Harter went from $2.30 to $3.32 last year, hitting his highest point on October 9th ($4.07) just days after his engagement to Molly. The market liked that match, apparently. Harter got most of his performance in the first half of the year, gaining almost $2 through to May 3rd. He hit a couple of troughs at the end of May and beginning of June, though he had a nice upswing from there. On November 8th, the wheels came off and he dropped from $3.86 to $3.12 on November 14th. With a further drop in December, I can’t say I wasn’t worried for the guy. Luckily he had a little jump to finish 2012. Congratulations – you may not have won the Moonti Cup this year, but at least you won something.

- She’s just as happy as you: And to keep her happy, I’ll try not to wait a year between posts:  (@iLikeGirlsDaily)

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March 1, 2012 · 10:35 PM

Weekly Update.

- Boxing: Besides seeing a heavyweight boxer get glassed (yes, as the English say) by David Haye, not much has been going on. I do, however, recommend getting your hair brushed before hopping on the Adrien Broner bandwagon.

- “I’m here for the gangbang.”: Apparently the noise your girl makes when you please her in bed is really her calling out to, or inviting, other men (#3 in that link). So instead of her being all, “Oooo, Jon” she’s really all, “Oooo, Jon, while I’m giving you the first chance to impregnate me over the rest of the males, I still don’t trust your sperm enough to get the job done. So I figure I’m in the mood, might as well ensure we get a bun in the oven.” Bam. Orgy. Or at least that’s what some chimps and apes do. Toss in the scientists that see no evolutionary reason for the female orgasm, but do see humans as similar to chimps and apes, and you got the “bitches be whores, man” theory. (Cracked)

- Um, speaking of women: Bad transition? Well, women are more likely to delete friends on Facebook and less likely to notice their own weight gain.  (Discovery)

- Waterworld: It exists!  (PopSci)

- Lose weight like a fat, lazy shit: Eat dessert after breakfast and workout 20 minutes a day, three days a week.  (Gizmodo)

- “Boobieblog”: That’s a name of a real site (since 2005, no less). And here’s a link to it that features Playboy Bunnies showing their, yup, boobies. Just so:  (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

- Kidneys: What’s the argument against paying people to donate their kidneys? The available kidneys to kidney needer (so not the right word) ratio is fucking terrible. Who the hell wants to go get cut up and have an organ taken out and get nothing in return except a lollipop and some Vicodin? Anyway, it makes too much sense, to me, to get paid for a major operation where they take a part of you to give to someone else, so I figure I’m missing something. The only plausible response is you are worried about the morals? Of being paid to help people? No. People will abuse the system? By having both kidneys removed? Really? If you know the answer to this question, please add a comment below so I can ridicule it. Thanks!  (Carpe Diem)

- Bear Down: Or should I say, “bare” down. Ugh. Shitty jokes aside, here’s former Wildcat (FALSE: once a Wildcat, always a Wildcat) Natalie Gulbis getting naked (look closely):  (Voorhees)

- How the zebra got its stripes: According to a new theory, zebras’ stripes evolved because flies are less likely to bite striped animals than solid color animals. I never knew flies were racists.  (New Scientist)

- Stars: I was cleaning out links I had kept, but never used, for the site and came across the below shot. Not sure which friend had shared it on Google Reader (it was from the before time, when Reader didn’t suck donkey balls), so if they remember they can leave a comment below (which I won’t ridicule).  (Wooten? Broz? Alan?)

- Fartinnügen: I’ve said it so many times now, but the Japanese are weird and have been historically. Here is a “fart scroll“:  (The Daily What)

- NY Times: OK, what the fuck is up with this paper? $5 for a Sunday edition? No wonder newspaper companies have shitty revenues these days (adjusted for inflation, they are back to 1951 revenues). Also, in 1987 the NY Times wrote an editorial suggesting a minimum wage of $0, then this year the Times pleads for New York to raise its minimum wage. On the plus side, it makes for good kindling.  (Carpe Diem)

 - Dogs: Underwater:  (Wooten)

- Dogs: On the football field. In theory. Basically they breakdown the best breed for each position, as inspired by Best In Show:  (@mattufford)

- This actually happens: Tazer Ball. It’s like team handball with a beach ball and tazers:  (io9)

- Bug life: If you’re really worried about climate change and world hunger, then you should support the movement to eat more insects. Some design people tackle the “that looks like disgusting shit, fuck off,” problem people have with insects on their plate. They also explain how much better it would be for the planet if eating insects was acceptable, which basically boils down to less costs, less feed (a lot of our food feeds our … food), and less greenhouse gasses. (I wrote about eating insects last year.)  (Core77)

- Old shit, old shit, CHINA: Excuse the weak DJ Clue bit, but scientists found a forest that has been buried in volcanic ash for 298 million years. This Pompeii-like forest was found underneath a mine in China with trees intact, similar to when scientists found humans intact when they discovered Pompeii, except not as horrific to think about.  (Gizmodo)

- Mini horses: Since we love miniature horses here, why not show an Onion video featuring the lovely animal:  (The World’s Best Ever)

- The Marks’ Financial Update:

  • MAB - Last time we checked in, Bunk was leading the Marks for the year. Since that time, he fell 3% to $15.86 (from February 7th’s $16.35) and is now in second for the year, up 10.5%. I think it was investors blaming Bunk for Costa Rica falling through, we’ll see how he redeems himself this year.
  • MFL - Mr. Lee, now 30, was up a whopping 0.09% since February 7th. That puts him at $15.28 and up 4.6% year-to-date. From February 10th to the 16th he fell to $14.83, close to his 2011 finish of $14.61, but was able to regain some composure. He has plenty of time to retain his crown from last year.
  • MDH - The other Marks had a shitty time compared to Harter, whose 11.2% rise from February 7th has put him in the lead for the year. Harter has gona from $2.38 to end 2011 to his current $2.68. That’s 12.6% by my laptop’s calculator’s calculation. I’m sure you all remember clearly, but was at $2.41 in the last update.

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February 8, 2012 · 7:36 PM

Weekly Update.

(CORRECTION: It’s “Downton Abbey” and I called it “Downtown Abbey.”)

- Boxing: Last update I started off with the statement: “We’re getting closer, I think, to a Mayweather/Pacquiao fight, but Bob Arum is still a dick.” Showing how little I fucking know about what I’m supposed to really know, Mayweather has announced that he’ll be fighting Miguel Cotto on May 5th. Then on Monday it was announced that Manny Pacquiao will fight Timothy Bradley on June 9th (as of this writing, Bradley has not officially signed). So we are now back to a zero chance of Pacquiao fighting Mayweather.

- Hulu Plus: I started using Hulu Plus recently, mainly because I wanted to catch up on Community and didn’t feel like paying $50 for one season on DVD. The biggest sell for me was that I can watch Hulu Plus through my Xbox, and not have to watch on my computer. It’s $7.99 a month for a whole shit load of content from NBC, Fox, and others. The downside is that there are commercials (just shorter breaks) and even worse, it’s only like four or five different commercials. If you end up watching a few episodes in a row, you will get extremely annoyed at the repetitive ads. Oh, and yes, Community is hilarious. I have no problem sticking it up there with Arrested Development.

- Downton Abbey: What the fuck is this show? I refuse to look into it, so any comments are welcome. I only ask because Amy Nuttall (I hope that’s pronounced “nut all”) is in it:  (The Daily What)

- And I say: A George Harrison guitar solo was stripped out of The Beatles’ “Here Comes The Sun,” which is pretty crazy that this just came out considering no one’s ever heard of The Beatles:  (Boing Boing)

- Wait, how long? Wanna watch Adriana Lima wave a flag for five hours? Here you go:  (The World’s Best Ever)

- Face/Off: The U.S. military wants to use masks to help burn victims regrow their faces. Using a mask “layered with sensors, actuators and a regenerative elixir — including stem cells — to regrow missing facial tissue.”  (Wired)

- “Moss froze the planet”: Motherfucking moss bringing about the ice age and shit. Technically the first land plants sucked carbon dioxide right out the Earth’s atmosphere, possibly dropping temperatures by 9 degrees. So kick a plant next time you see one.  (Discovery)

- Suck at golf? Buy this weed-whacking driver for when you end up in rough. Or out of bounds, or wherever anyone would let you cut the grass for them.  (Carpe Diem)

- Shadow art: The art on the wall is created by light shining on the art hanging from the ceiling:  (Core77)

- Nanos: One group of scientists are creating nanoparticles that seek out MRSA and selectively kill that harmful shit while leaving your shit alone. And then Dr. Sherif El-Safty created a “nanomaterial which enables simple detection and removal of arsenic from drinking water.”  (Institute of Nanotechnology)

- Even “nanopaint”: Maybe they are overusing “nano” everywhere, but whatever, the tech is dope. This guy created paint that can tell you of structural damage. Not like Siri tell you, more like “hey, what’s that blinking on your computer monitor?” “Shit! We gotta get the fuck outta here,” tell you.  (Engadget)

- Global economics: This paragraph is crazy:

An international team worked together to create the new material. First, transgenic goats and silkworms equipped to produce spider-silk proteins spun out the raw material in the synthetic biology lab at Utah State University. The cocoons were then shipped to South Korea, where they were reeled into thread, before being woven into fabric in Germany. The modified silk was then wedged between bioengineered skin cells developed by biochemist Abdoelwaheb El Ghalbzouri at the Leiden University Medical Center in the Netherlands. After five weeks of incubation, the hybrid skin was ready for target practice.

Then they took a fucking gun and shot that skin. And the skin stopped the bullet at slower speeds, something normal skin can’t do. Spider-silk skin, coming to a baby near you!  (New Scientist)

- Most disappointing article: “Look ma, no wings: Secret of great tit flight revealed.” Oh. Birds.  (New Scientist) (It’s actually a cool video, just no breasts.)

- The Marks Financial Update:

  • MFL – Mark Lee is our worse performing Mark this year-to-date, however he is till up 3.77% and will forever hold the 2011 crown, so let the haters hate. My man’s turning 30, which means we get to find out if he’s like a running back. Investors will be watching. Mark Lee chugged along from $14.58 to $15.13 on February 7th.
  • MDH – Harter just loves sitting in the middle of these two, up 4.78% for the start of the year. Not bad, but you know he should be getting a boost for hosting yet another victorious Super Bowl party. Harter stands at $2.41, up from $2.30.
  • MAB – Bunk’s really pissed about his last place finish the prior year so he came out sprinting, jumping from $14.39 to $16.35 as of February 7th. We’ll keep watching you though, just ’cause your a shady shit.

- GMen: On Monday at work I was asked, “when did you get nervous?” My original reply was, “two weeks ago.” The real question is, “when were you most nervous?” It had to be with 5 minutes left after the Patriots had just converted a third down at the Giants’ 47. Another first down and there’s at least a field goal. Fortunately, three great plays happened. On 1st, Chris Canty plants The Law Firm one yard deep, and quickly. Next is the Welker drop (totally not covered on the Internet). On third down, Corey Fucking Webster crushes Branch to break up the pass. All that was left was Eli Time. And now there’s this:  (@Giants)

- Just relax: Felt like there was too much writing in this update. So here’s Camille Rowe:  (Terry Richardson)

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